Another Reason to Love

chapter 5

Lauren watched closely as Camila went through her regular bedtime routine. Her long brown hair fell over her shoulders and Camila pushed it to one side as she brushed her teeth. Lauren noticed that her wife had been somewhat distracted since she got home from work and Lauren wanted nothing more than to know what was going on. She knew her wife well, though, and that meant that she would have to wait until Camila was ready to talk about it.

"I don't know why you're staring at me, but I hope I'm providing you with a good enough show," Camila called out from the bathroom after she had spit the remaining toothpaste into the sink. The door was open and when Camila looked in the mirror she could see Lauren's gaze fixed upon her from where she sat on their bed.

Camila's humor never ceased to make Lauren laugh. The woman on the bed smiled brightly when she caught her wife's eyes piercing back at her through the mirror. "Come on, Camz. Can't I stare at my beautiful wife every once in a while?"

"Once in a while, Laur? You've been staring all evening. I know I'm not that captivating. What's on your mind?" Camila asked, turning from her spot at the sink so that she was facing her wife.

Lauren sank down in the bed, trying to get Camila to take the hint and join her. Their best conversations happened while lying down. It was like neither of them could hide from one another when they were both in their most vulnerable state. It seemed to level the playing field, so to speak. "I don't know. Honestly, I think something has been on your mind. Why have you been so distracted tonight?"

Camila took note of her wife's change in position on the bed and walked over to lie down beside her. She pulled the sheets up around her and wondered how much information, if any, she should give her wife. The truth was that she couldn't get her interaction with Julie out of her head.

For the first time since Julie kissed her, Camila was starting to feel something other than hate for the other woman. She started feeling guilty for the part she herself had played in the whole situation. What Camila needed was time to sort out her feelings. It wasn't like she wanted to be with Julie. She didn't want to see Julie at school every day any more than Lauren would want her there, but did she really have right to deny this woman a job? There was really no need to bring Lauren into all of this until she figured it out. "I've just been thinking about us. Our family, our future. You know, things like that."

"Wow, Camz. Has there ever been a more vague answer in the history of vague answers?" Lauren turned her head on her pillow to look at her wife.

Camila just sighed and moved her head slightly so that she was looking back at Lauren. "I'm sorry, it's just, I'm trying to sort things out in my head."

"Are you still worried about the baby talk we had? Is that what this is all about?" Lauren asked, reaching out to lightly brush Camila's arm with her fingers.

It wasn't exactly what she was thinking about, but Camila saw an opportunity that was going to buy her some more time so she took it. "Yeah, I guess that's what's been on my mind. Thinking about how all that is going to work has been confusing. It would be so much easier if one of us was a male, don't you think?"

Lauren giggled, allowing herself the relief of finally knowing what was on her wife's mind. "I don't think that would be easier, Camz. We most likely wouldn't be here right now if one of us was a male."

"So what's the next step in this process?" Camila asked, content to entertain this conversation rather than the one she had going on inside of her head.

"I'm not sure, but you've got a doctor's appointment soon, right? Why don't you ask her about it?" Lauren suggested. She hesitated before asking the next question, but she knew it needed to be asked. "I know we haven't exactly talked about this, but you want to carry the baby, don't you?"