5sos Imagines

Self harm (Calum)

* TRIGGER WARNING: ⚠️ self harm stuff will be mentioned, don't read if it's gonna bother you. ♡ *

Emily:

I sat in my room and cried my eyes out. Why couldn't life ever just give me a break? Today had been absolute hell. For starters, mother nature decided to pay a visit which meant being in excruciating pain and being dependent on painkillers all day. Then, my ex-best friend turned bully humiliated me in front of the entire school, leading to everyone slut shaming me even though I'm very much still a virgin. As if that wasn't hard enough, I had a shitload of homework and a million other things to do. It was all too much. I couldn't handle it.

Soon, my thoughts were racing, thoughts if everything I had to get done, the bullying, the feeling of just wanting to end it all right here right now. But I couldn't end my life over this and I especially couldn't do that to my family, it would break their hearts. But I needed to get rid if this feeling, and that's when the familiar urge took over.

I soon found my feet making their way to the ground from my bed and leading me into the bathroom, where the dreaded razor blades were. I quickly closed the door, not bothering to lock it as no one was home. Or so I thought...

I took out the sharpest blade I could find and made a single cut. I watched intently as little beads of blood made their way to the surface and the sick feeling of satisfaction and relief took over. I need to do more. Soon once turned to twice, which then turned to three times, and soon I lost count all together. I must've been pretty zoned out because the second I snapped out of there, I saw none other than my brother, Calum, standing at the doorway in complete shock.

"C-calum? W-what are you doing here? I thought you were hanging out with the guys today?"

"I was, I just got back to grab something and mom said to check on you and I'm glad I did," he spoke as he quickly took the blade away and threw it out before turning on the faucet and running my hand under the water.

I hissed in pain as the water touched the fresh cuts, but that sick, twisted feeling of joy came over me, enjoying the pain.

"Why- why would you do something like this Em? How- could you do something like this not only to yourself but to mom, dad, and me?"

"I- I'm sorry, I didn't know what to do all these feelings all built up inside me and I couldn't take it anymore, I needed to get rid if the feeling Cal. It started as just a one time thing, but now I've fallen so deep inti this hole, I can't stop and even if I do, I relapse within months," I explained between sobs.

"Shh...Shh, it's okay, I understand baby girl. But there are better ways to cope with those feelings," he spoke softly, pulling me until his hold after cleaning me up.

"I know," I mumbled into his chest, "it's just so hard to do."

"I know. But now you don't have to go through it alone, you have me and mom and dad and the guys and-"

"Calum. Please. Please don't tell anyone," I begged him.

He let out a sigh before softly saying, "I can keep it from the others, but I have to tell mom and dad. I'm nit always home with you to make sure everything's fine and I can't risk the thought of having something bad happen when I'm not there. They need to know. It's fir your own safety."

I shook my head no and quickly got out of his hold and went to run out the door and lock myself in my bedroom, when he quickly got a hold of me and held me to him as I fought against his grip.

"N-no. No they can't know Calum, you can't tell them!" I screamed, hitting him with all my might.

"I'm sorry baby, I have to."