Thank you for smoking || min yoongi

Addicted to Yo

She lived in the light, forgetting the shadows

*

It is surreal how good you felt realizing how skinny you were.. even though you did feel the tipsiness and the weakness of your body.. This was the lowest weight you had ever reached. You just felt so light and so pretty and you would have loved to stay this way. You knew you couldn't. And as the face of a certain someone popped up in your mind you couldn't help but wonder if maybe, just maybe... you didn't need to.?

*

You were sitting next to Yoongi in the cafeteria. What had started as something very scary was gradually becoming more and more bearable and eventually you even felt proud when you managed to get some food down into your stomach and keep it there.

It wasn't like a real friendship had developed between the two of you, or at least you wouldn't dare calling it a friendship. Yoongi was still acting in an aloof manner. He wasn't that dismissive anymore, but especially compared to the huge secret he knew about you you still knew relatively little about him and his concerns. He still barely expressed any emotions and he never answered any personal questions. So he basically wasn't being an asshole - which was good - but he hadn't transformed into a very affectionate person either - which didn't surprise you too much. You didn't talk a lot in general, probably both of you didn't want to risk getting into too touchy subjects like the unexplainable tension between you. You personally feared that talking to him could build up that tension again and you had no clue what you would do about it if it came back.

Right now you were feeling comfortably numb. There was a relaxing and reassuring kind of emptiness and indifference. On the whole you were pleased with the situation. The two of you met every day for lunch so Yoongi could observe your eating. He made it seem as if he wasn't actually giving a shit about your health and well-being but the fact that he showed up to every meal, punctually at that, told you otherwise.

You were eating in silence like most of the time when your phone buzzed next to you. Telling Yoongi that you had to take the call you got up and left the room. "Hey sweety", your mother greeted you. You swallowed heavily, knowing exactly what was coming next. 

"Your therapist called.", she went right into it. She knew as well as you that you weren't going to respond so she kept going. "She said it's not looking good." As you still didn't respond she finally lost it. "Do you want to end up in hospital again? Is that your genius masterplan? Sitting around whining until.. what? Until you die? You need to get your ass up! Stop waiting for life to be easy. Stop hoping for somebody to save you. Things don't all add up, but you are resilient. I know you are. Face some hard facts and you could have an incredible life..."
"Mom, I..", you tried to speak up but she didn't let you. 

"Your father and I are sick and tired of dealing with..." there seemed to be no end so you decided to interrupt her. "I'm sorry that I'm not a person anymore. I'm a problem", you were nearly screaming those last words.

There was a brief silence before your mother replied: "You have to stop eventually youknow.?" You hung up. You were running. You didn't even know where you were headed you just needed to get away. 

~coming down~

you have to stop eventually youknow.?

You felt like drowning. When you made it back to consciousness once again you noticed you had made it to the bathroom. You were leaning over the toilet, your body cramped up in contractions, but there was nothing left in your stomach you could have thrown up. 

You realized the music was not in your head but playing from your phone. You had apparently switched on Spotify. The song had changed. if I loose myself tonight... the words were ringing through your head as you felt your grasp at reality slip.
You felt a weak smile spread on your face. It probably looked like a macabre grimace but you didn't bother caring. The last thing you noticed was the sensation of your body being lifted off the ground. Then everything went black.

***
a/n: the stop waiting for life to be easy bit was a quote from the movie to the bone.. if any of you watched it i'd love to hear your opinions on it...

I'm sorry this was a little messy and all over the place..

also... i truly hope that all of you never had to endure scenarios as depicted in the story. however, if you have it is for no means my intention to trigger you but to make you feel that you are not alone in your struggle. should you ever feel alone or as if you had noone to talk to please don't hesitate to send me a message. take care, love you guys..

***

dawn breaks like a bull through the hall..never should have called..

..but my head's to the wall and I'm lonely

I'm sorry if I'm annoying you with my obsession with song lyrics........ also it's 2 a.m. so please forgive my errors I hope I'll have time to reread and edit this tomorrow..