Just two lost souls swimming in a fishbowl...
At first Suga is just some random guy sharing the same bad habit as you. But who knows what you are getting yourself into?
You most certainly don't.
***
warning: mention of self harm, eating disorders a...
You pushed your seat back and got up grabbing your purse but a hand gripping your wrist held you back. When you met Yoongis' eyes again he looked like he was about to explode, the anger in his dark orbs burning like fire.
He had paid and dragged you outside to his car leaving the younger man he had been talking to and his dog behind without an explanation. Opening your door he made you get into the car before walking over to his side. He started the engine and sped off.
After about fifteen minutes of him speeding through the streets you figured he was not going to talk. Before he could get you into an accident you decided to speak up.
"I.. I am not doing this for any guy I want to impress if that's what you think... not even for you", you had wanted to make a joke to lighten the mood but failed terribly. He didn't respond. You were aware that denying it would not work. Not this time. You kept going, more serious this time: "I am doing it because I cannot stand the sight of me. The sight of my body. Because I just do not find myself in any way appealing or attractive. I am doing this because I don't like myself. and if not even I can get myself to like me.. who would?", your voice was cracking at your last words. You had never told anyone anything like this. You hadn't even admitted it to yourself.
"People often say that I seem to be lacking emotion. That it's like I am shutting myself off and building a wall around myself. They never know how I am.. how I'm feeling. So I thought instead of being this cold-hearted careless person I wanted to show what I was feeling.. I wanted my appearance to show the way I felt... and I was feeling very fragile.. so I thought I also had to look fragile, so people would finally notice and treat me the way i needed to be treated..."
He still didn't say anything. You were feeling insecure all of a sudden. Had you said something wrong? You panicked. The situation was overwhelming you and the emotions inside of you were mixing up to a confusing state of agitation. "Anyways.. it is my body! I can do with it what ever I want to.. and.. what do you even care? You barely know me! You have no right to judge me.", you exclaimed in a sudden fit of rage feeling hot tears burning in your eyes. You hated that. You were not a person to cry all that easily but whenever you were overwhelmed by your own emotions you tended to tear up. Hoping he hadn't noticed, you turned slightly in your seat to look at him. Yoongi was just staring straight ahead, his eyes focused on the road, his face blank, keeping what was going on inside him a secret.
He still hadn't spoken a single word as you finally reached your apartment building. You were standing in front of the door. The black dress you were wearing was hugging your figure tightly making you feel exposed so you wrapped your arms around your body.
He was standing in front of you, his gaze was burning your skin. He suddenly made a step forward standing close. His right hand was gripping your upper arm right above the elbow keeping you from shying away.
The tension was almost touchable. It was building up in your stomach. All the restlessness you felt due to the lack of nicotine or whatever it was that usually kept you going was bubbling up inside you making you shiver.
Finally, when the tension was so intense you thought you wouldn't be able to bear it another second without starting to scream, he leaned in even further and whispered into your ear: "If you ever say anything about yourself not being good enough, or pretty enough", he spit out the word as if it was burning his tongue "..ever again, I am going to be very, very angry.", his voice was so deep and raspy you felt goosebumps spread over your skin. He sounded like he was seriously threatening you.
The only thought you were able to form in your head was how ironic it was that your newest obsession was identical with the person apparently trying to get you out of the hole your last one had buried you in.
Maybe I'm a bit dangerous but I'm so sweet. I'm here to save you, I'm here to ruin you.
You could feel his warmth, take in his scent, you felt the ache to touch him. He was so close. But not close enough.
Stop. I know, you can't help what you like. But stop.
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You were still standing close to each other, just barely enough space in-between you that you weren't touching. You could smell the scent of cigarettes coming from his jacket. The fact that he was sharing that bad habit of yours made your skin tingle even more and you felt a tugging sensation near your stomache.
You could feel his hand that was still gripping your arm. The contact of your skin was burning like fire.
Yeah, I'm a bit dangerous I can't even handle myself. Don't worry, my hands, they're only warm for you. If I'm ruining you right now, please forgive me. Because you can't live without me. Because you know all of this.. I'm takin' over you.
He abruptly took a step back. He looked straight into your eyes. You were captivated by his eyes but still noticed his tongue leaving his mouth as he was quickly licking his lower lip. Your breath hitched.
He suddenly let go of your arm and stumbled a few steps backwards catching his breath. His gaze was still locked with yours. Then he blinked slowly, turning around and storming off.
She's just a girl but she's on fire
(has nothing to do with the story, I was just listening to this song while writing.. just in case you were wondering why everyone and everything is burning in this chapter^^)
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***
a/n: I hope I captured this right... I have very strong feelings towards this song (Pied Piper) that I couldn't explain for my life but I think the fact that BTS wrote a song like this is just so outstanding and.. really I've got no words.
Stop. I know, you can't help what you like. But stop.
You're not being punished. Come here, I'm your paradise. Can't close your eyes. You can throw a fit but it's no use. Don't reject me. Just close your eyes.
I'm takin' over you. Maybe I'm a bit dangerous. I'm testing you. You can't escape. Never. It's a bit dangerous but I'm so sweet. I'm here to save you, I'm here to ruin you. You called me, see?
Yeah, I'm a bit dangerous I can't even handle myself. Don't worry, my hands..they're only warm for you. If I'm Ruining you right now, please forgive me..because you can't live without me Because you know all of this..I'm takin' over you..
