Just two lost souls swimming in a fishbowl...
At first Suga is just some random guy sharing the same bad habit as you. But who knows what you are getting yourself into?
You most certainly don't.
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warning: mention of self harm, eating disorders a...
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a/n: thank you so much for nearly 1k!!! I seriously didn't think this story would ever get that many views so thank you to everyone, this really means a lot!
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When you woke up there was warm sunlight tickling your skin. Your head was resting on something warm. As you blinked slowly against the light your blury vision focused. The first thing you saw was Yoongis face.
You realized you were laying on his lap. Resisting the first impulse to get up you raised your eyebrow. "You... didn't take me to the hospital?", you asked with a weak voice. You really sounded like shit.
He just kept staring into your eyes for a moment longer. For the first time you felt like you could actually tell what was going on inside him. He was debating whether to tell you something or not.
Finally he sighed. "When I was younger....", he interrupted himself letting his gaze trail away. He couldn't look you in the eyes while making his confession. "When I was younger I used to have quite severe issues with depression and anxiety.", he eventually admitted making you gasp in surprise. "One of the things that were.. the hardest for me was.. spending time in hospitals. Doctors and meds that made my head all fuzzy. I hated it."
"Thank you..", you said as soon as you trusted your voice. "..for saving me.. and even more for sharing this with me.", normally you would have cringed at saying something like that but this time you spoke with all sincerity.
He finally looked back into your eyes. You couldn't believe this was still the same person. His face always used to be a blank mask and now the emotions seemed to be shooting from his eyes, pouring over with such force after he had held back and hidden them away for such a long time. Finally his soft features matched the expression on his face and you found his smile to be nothing but beautiful.
You felt the need to say something, to apologize, or justify your behaviour. "I haven't quite been myself lately. Well actually I don't really know who i am anymore...", your words ended up surprising yourself. "I guess I just take many things way too serious and I don't want to talk about stuff because it makes me feel weak and embarrassed even though it's all just.. stuff.. just natural I guess. Nothing to be embarrassed about."
The way his eyes glinted in sympathy you knew he could relate. "Don't shut yourself off from the world.", he finally replied. A line that you had heard often enough but to be fair until now you had never cared when somebody had told you. Now you did. "You're not doing anybody any good with that. The least yourself.", he continued.
Does that mean he agrees? Does he think you're normal? Does he think it's natural? Maybe he is just as crazy as you are.
You sighed. You really wished it would be that simple. You wished you could just let go. You could just let him help you. You could just be okay. But things just don't work this way. "I'm always in my way.", you spoke out the thought lingering in the back of your mind. Right now all you wanted was to be normal. You just wanted be a girl in front of a boy. But your selfdoubt and selfconsciousness didn't let you. For the first time in your life you just wished this guy that you had weirdly grown attached to even though you barely knew each other would fall for you. Even though you had flaws. So many of them. But you knew it wouldn't happen. Not to you. You're just not that pretty. You're not that smart. You're not that lucky. That's all you are. You're not that. "i'm just so unlikable..", you whispered to yourself but he picked up what you had said.
