Julian&Anna Shane [Sequel to My Mom is a prostitute, my dad a sex addict......]

Chapter 7

My life is strange, my family stranger, my fiancée/half-brother and I are...?

[[7]]

Anna came back to the hotel after two days from the hospital. Julian was always with her? Where would I fit in this mess? Does Anna still know I still love her, even through EVERYTHING?

Sigh. I walked around the parking lot while Julian and Anna were going up to the room. I didn't want to go up yet. I couldn't bear to see Anna and Julian together. I couldn't stand it al ALL. But, they are brother and sister, half blood or not. They had something I didn't connect with.

I grabbed my duffel bag. On the other hand, I was so happy Julian got his memory back. I was worried I wasn't going to see my best friend again. I sighed even highly more. I ran my hand through my hair and began walking to the entrance. I saw Julian coming out.

"Sam, I'm gonna go to the store to get some baby stuff. Wanna come or you wanna stay with Anna and help her find a space in that room of hers for the baby could sleep?" Julian smiled.

I grinned. "I'll help Anna. I don't really know about buying baby things."

I mean, that day I ever since became an uncle...I didn't really understand this whole situation. I didn't know how much work all this needed. It was a lot. I don't think I could ever do it. I wonder how chicks get through it. Hm.

I walked up to the room. I started falling asleep to the song that was playing in the elevator. Elevator music is evil.

I knocked on the door to the room and then walked in. I haven't seen my parents for who knows how long but I'm okay with it. I mean, I like them and everything but now I need to do things on my own. I always wondered how Julian could control everything. He's very demanding.

I dropped my bag on the couch and then I walked to Anna's room. I knocked on the door and I saw Anna holding the baby, excuse me, Julianne in her arms ever so gentle. It was fascinating to think about how much parents could love their first child.

Anna looked at me. I stared back in her green eyes; I swear I could see the Colorado River.

"Julian went to the store to go buy a temporary crib and blankets. I wish I had a real mom, she would know what to do in this situation. But, my "mom" was just like me when she had Julian. Then she hooked up with another guy and then I showed up. And look where that has gotten us. One is a high school graduate in the Air Force...And one is a teenage mom to-be a sophomore in a few weeks. but, I wont let that affect Julianne. She'll have a great life. I'll give her things my "parents" couldn't give me. you know, I haven't even thought about Arik or anything of them. I feel like you and Julian are the only ones I have. You're probably the only ones I need." Anna looked at the baby with complete love. She had the same look when she looked at Julian. It was clear. She loved Julian. She loved me...But it wasn't strong as her and Julian's. I couldn't ruin that.

I never could.

"Anna, i...I don't think you should choose-"

"Julian? I'm still deciding-"

"Me. I don't think you should choose me. I cant break what you and Julian have. It would be...Betrayal of me. I couldn't do that to my best friend. so, stay with Julian." I smiled. But inside...I could feel a VERY sharp razor blade cutting my heart into a million pieces. Every one of them falling around and floating around. those pieces were of Anna...and they floated away.

"Sam..." Anna said.

I shook my head. "You're my other best friend. I'd rather have you like that instead of not having you at all."

"I cant leave you like this. I feel like...cold guilt coming on me. I cant hang on like this. I mean, I do love you. I just...I don't know how to put it in words but you get what I'm saying right?" Anna asked.

I nodded, knowing exactly. "You got it bad when you're out with someone but you keep on thinking bout somebody else."

"Exactly. But...I heard that somewhere. You speak through music don't you? I mean, you don't know how to use words, so you have to let others elaborate it for you." Anna smiled.

My breathing quieted. Was she right? Did I only speak through music? Did I let Eminem, Usher, and other great artist say my words for me? my eyes narrowed a bit. But I wasn't going to be mean. It was...Confusing for me. I think it was true though. I had that feeling. I found something about myself. I never really knew myself but I knew what my feelings meant and I knew what words meant I just didn't know how to use them.

"You're right." I smiled.

Anna smiled and put a strand behind her ear. "Yeah. I kinda observed it for awhile. Well, I gotta go try to put Julianne to sleep."

I nodded, and opened my arms. "Goodnight hug. Then I sleep peacefully."

Anna gave me a hug and then I held the baby once more before I walked out of the room.

I walked to the balcony.

I opened the doors and closed them behind me. I looked at the night sky. It was a little breezy but it was fine.

"I can love Anna. I just...need to control it. I cant bust out of nowhere and tell her I love her. Half of myself screams I need to go back to Anna and kiss her with all my strength. The other whispers that I've done the right thing and let their run love crazily. If I were to shut out both of them...What would happen then? Who would speak? I can never betray Julian. I make accidents but I could never be without Julian. I couldn't get away from Anna either. Why did it happen to me? Billions of girls out there...And my heart is yearning for Anna."

I steadied myself.

I closed my eyes tight shut.

I let those two pieces fade away. I concentrated as much as I can. The one that wanted to crawl back in. I felt everything silent but I didn't dare to open my eyes. I could feel a headache forming. But it was calm. I felt calm. I needed to find my inner self. I could barely feel it. A soft breeze, not cool though.

Then everything was back.

The traffic noises and my heart burst into fire. I grabbed my chest and opened my eyes to look straight up to the moon. I felt the one piece come back in, so gently like it was embracing me.

Tears burned in my eyes and froze down as they glided down my cheeks.

I cried. Cried like I haven't in a long time.

"I love you Anna, and I know I did the right thing. I respect your relationship with Julian. He has something I can NEVER have. I need you in my life...As my friend."

I fell down to my knees...and felt heartbreak for the first time. But...It felt good. it was a sign...I would always love her but I don't want her to choose. Her heart is set.