Uncanny Snake

XIII - Voices

I awoke with a gasp, a bead of sweat rolling down my brow. Sitting up, my hands met the sheets which were moist with perspiration, and I sighed. I wasn't sure if it was Tom's doing or my own subconscious telling me that I should go jump off a bridge, but I definitely had a nightmare despite being unable to remember what I had dreamt. I rubbed the back of my neck in annoyance glancing at the clock, it was two am, the rest of the girls were still asleep, and I snuck out of the room, heading down to the common area. The fireplace was still ablaze, the flames flickering in the soft breeze of the dungeons. I took a seat on the couch and clasped my hands together contemplating my next steps.

I had endless questions swimming through my mind, but not a single answer in sight, and now I was lost. I wish I hadn't been courageous. I wish I had never fallen in love. I couldn't have picked a worse man to love, except perhaps Tom, but that man was in a league of his own. I don't know why I thought it was a good idea, I'd known him for well over eight years now, and I know him better than most, and deep down I knew this might or would happen, but I still did it anyway. Which begs the question, why? Why would I stick my neck out like that? Sometimes I wondered what was wrong with me.

After that embarrassing rejection last night, I made no attempt to leave my room, no one ever did ask what was wrong, but I'm glad they hadn't. Slytherins may be jerks, but when it came to taking care of their own, they were definitely dependable. The girls brought up my food, and I personally didn't care how many classes I missed. It's not like I was a student, to begin with, and even though Albus had tried to speak with me a few times, I didn't want to talk to anyone. Talking to Albus would probably relieve some weight off my chest, there was something about him that was very comforting, but I didn't want to be bailed out of jail. Something about suffering the consequences of my actions and wallowing in self-pity, and yeah that sounded about right.

One could argue that I was being childish, but frankly, I didn't care. Also because I was almost certain I was depressed, and my motivation to do anything went under the bridge, leaving me trapped in my bed for days on end. I had time to mull things over, but none of my thoughts were optimistic. That night kept playing back over in my head, and then my thoughts lingered to what Severus probably thought of me. Ugh, it was embarrassing, I couldn't face him, not just because I was scared shitless, but I didn't want to face him as he ripped into me about how much of an idiot I was. I was acutely aware of my stupidity as it was, I was reminded on several occasions of my bold yet naive nature. I didn't need him to rub it in my face.

I had never been scared of ruining a relationship before because I knew I would get over it, I never got overly attached to anyone, except Severus. I would never admit it to him, but at this point, he had become a part of me, and if I lost him, it would crush me. Of course though, it never quite crossed my minds that losing someone physically wasn't the only way to lose someone.

"Rynne you've been in here for four days, enough is enough!" One of the girls sneered grabbing my arm. "And I am also tired of having to carry your food." They all ganged up on me, and a three on one wasn't very fair, I didn't even have my wand with me. Before I knew it, I was squeaky clean and being dragged into the common room. "You need some fresh air, and we're tired of watching you brood in bed." With that, I was kicked out of my common room, the door slamming shut behind me. What just happened?

"Traitors!" I shouted at the door with a pout; I had forgotten how cold the dungeons were. Unsure what to do, I snuck around afraid of bumping into the one person I knew would just shatter me. And I didn't want to pick up the pieces so I would avoid any sharp objects for the time being. I can't believe they kicked me out though, and I didn't even know that was possible. Now my sadness was replaced with irritation. I could still be in bed right about now—dirty snakes.