The Free (Unedited)

There is Only Pain

Amber’s POV

I walked out of the bedroom, following Leader like a well trained dog. I walked two paces behind him, and I kept my steps small and docile, trying to look my best for Lindsay.

“Where is she? I haven’t seen her since I’ve gotten here,” I heard Lindsay say as we got closer and closer to the receiving room.

Lindsay was always a sight to see. She was an average height, about 5’6, with chestnut hair that fell to her shoulder blades and that looked like melted honey in a dark room and shone gold or a golden amber in the sun. She looked pretty average to the naked eye, but if you looked deeper inside her, you could see the intellect, the creativity, just the overall passion for learning. It radiated to everyone. No wonder Leader was so taken with her.

I walked into the receiving room, a fair sized room where we host some members of our group from different houses and other important people that Leader needs to meet. There, standing in the midst of everyone living in this house, was Lindsay, smiling and joking.

A hush came in as Leader walked into the room. They nodded their heads deeply in respect, but once they saw me, they turned their heads and curled their noses in distaste. The only person to have a fully different look in her eye was, of course, Lindsay.

“There you are,” she said with a warm voice but a neutral expression. She was studying me, like she studied everyone. I could see in her eye that she hadn’t formed any opinion of anyone else in here. She probably has a whole different opinion of me now, but I’m more than used to it.

“Leave,” Leader commanded everyone. I turned to go, but Leader grabbed my bicep. “Not you,” he said.

Everyone quietly filed out, filled with curiosity. Their interest will never be filled, though.

Leader sank into a corner, in a small, quiet chair, to sit and listen. Lindsay paid no heed, but she knew he was here. She knew that I knew he was here too.

“He insisted that there be someone in here when I talk to me. I also hear that he knows everything that goes on in this house, so there is no reason to keep this from him.”

Of course, I knew all this. I had been a hazard since the day I came to this house. There was always someone around me to monitor me so that I didn’t fly off the wall. They all knew of my past and how messed up my mind was from it, but a lot of them had a kind of sadistic humor, seeing me suffer. I was always the one picked on, no matter where I was. I just don’t belong anywhere.

I stood in front of Lindsay for what felt like a long time, but probably wasn’t longer than five minutes. Then, she hugged me.

Emotions crashed through my body at that point. The biggest ones were remorse, happiness, and relief. I wanted to cry in Lindsay’s arms, to tell her that I was in hell, that I wasn’t loved, that everyone told me I was not needed, that I was abused on a daily basis, but everything stuck in my throat,  We just stood like that for a while, silently. She wasn’t the one that let go first.

We had an almost unspoken conversation, her reassuring me, me thanking her for her forgiveness, for her support and friendship. We then started the verbal conversation.

“I hope this wasn’t the only reason we became friends,” Lindsay joked, lightening the mood.

I forced a chuckle and shifted awkwardly before I answered, “I mean, I was sent to be your friend, but once I met you it was kind of more than that.”

She looked at me with calm, quiet calculation, picking apart every word that came from my mouth. I realized that I was still on thin ice with her. She could tell there was something more to this whole thing, but couldn’t figure it out.

“Why am I here?” Lindsay asked, directing the question at Leader.

He stared straight at her, and she stared back stubbornly, raising her head to meet Leader’s challenge.

“We thought you could add something to the group.” Leader said levelly.

I wanted to laugh so bad. I wanted to tell Lindsay every little piece of this big puzzle, to tell her to run as fast and as far as she can go, that I never really wanted to be her friend, but that I just saw someone to become a buffer between Leader and me, so that maybe I don’t have to be put through ridicule again. Maybe that was why nobody liked me, because I looked out for myself rather than others, because they saw me as selfish. But I didn’t. I didn’t say a single word that I wanted to throw out of my mouth. I just wanted to be done with all this mess. 2 years on top of the rest of my life in hell has been more terrible than anything, and I don’t think I can get out.

My thoughts drained me, and I had to hold on to a chair to keep myself from passing out. My emotions made me dizzy, but there was nothing I did about it.There was really nothing I can do about it. I just stood where I was, my eyes telling everything, Lindsay looking into them, reading the book of my mind.

“Amber, I think I need to talk to Leader alone,” Lindsay said softly, and I walked meekly out of the room.

“Ah, skank,” a voice that sounded like a snake’s hissed from behind me. No wonder her name was Cobra.

I turned around to face her, knowing her mind was filled with dirty thoughts about the new girl.

“You think she’s Jesus don’t you?” she asked cocking her head slightly.

“She’s more Jesus than you,” I said, barely above a whisper.

In a split second I was slammed against the brick wall, stars dancing before my eyes.

“You better watch what you say to me,” Cobra said, holding a knife at the base of my throat. I could feel blood slowly trickling out of the wound.

I stood as still as possible, my eyes on the floor. I could feel people behind me, watching the exchange, but doing nothing.

“I am the second in command here, and we all know it, especially you,” Cobra snarled at me.

I just stared at her, my face showing nothing. That pissed her off the most.

“Come on you little rat,” she said, dragging me upstairs by my hair, me holding in my pained screams, and everyone else just staring.