Dear Payton,

Chapter 4

It's 12:04 p.m, you came home and I showed you a picture someone sent me. It was a picture of you kissing Alexis Lynn. "What the fuck is this, who is that?" I said loudly almost breaking my phone in half. "Sam, I can explain. That's no one, she's just a friend. It was her birthday." Payton says walking over towards me. I step back and slam my phone down, "Payton, I'm not stupid. If that was true, then why would Rory have the audacity to send that bullshit to me? Something has to be going on, Rory is one of your best friends. If you were cheating or doing something, you would tell her!" Payton hesitates and takes a huge breath before finally screaming back, "Sam, I can't believe you! Why would you ever accuse me of cheating, why? You don't even know Alexis, she's not even.. Ugh, What have I ever done to make you not trust me? Or better yet, what has Rory done to ever make you trust her?!" My eyes start to water but I wipe the tears away and turn around. Payton grabs her phone and calls Rory, "Rory! Why'd you send that picture to Sam?" All I hear is mumbling coming from the other line. 4 minutes later, Payton hangs up, sighs, and yells at me saying, "Rory sent you that picture cause it wouldn't send to my phone. She thought you knew that Alexis was fucking straight so you would have no reason to be mad. Rory said Alexis actually got engaged about 2 hours ago after I left. Her boyfriend surprised her from the army and proposed." I turned around and streams fell from Payton's eyes. My heart was heavy and my mind was rambled. I couldn't lose her but I might've just done so. I walk over to her and softly say, "Payton, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm just..." Payton pushes me off and yells at me, while the tears build up slowly in her eyes, "Forget it Sam! How could you accuse me like that?" She catches her breath. Obviously hurt she yells again, "I thought you trusted me!" She turned around and pulled out a bag from the closet. "Payton, where are you going?" I ask. "I'm going to Rory's. I can't do this, if you can't even trust me, this just isn't going to work. I'm sorry." I stare at Payton, with tears rolling down my face. I felt this aching pain in my chest, my neck began to stiff, and I felt like pulling my hair out. I stepped back and forth, pacing, mind racing. I don't know what the fuck to do. She packs half of her closet and walks towards the door. I ball my eyes out in the corner into my lap. I look up and there she is ready to leave, the words softly come out, "Payton, don't." She closes the door behind her and leaves. I got up and ran out the door to find her. I'm looking everywhere, I ran from hall to hall screaming, "Payton! Payton! Where are you? Payton!" She was no where to be found.

I fell to the floor and started sobbing. I remember the thoughts running through my head along with all the voices screaming, "You let her go, how could you let her go? Payton, Payton, I love you! Where are you?" and then I saw her slowly walking down the hall. I smiled and sighed of relief. I scream again, "Baby?!" I get up and run over to her, I grab her hand, but my hand went through hers. It was like I was a ghost or I was invisible. I ran around her and I stood right in front of her. "Baby, can you hear me? Babe, stop!" She kept walking and again her body went right through mine. I followed her down to the lobby of our apartment. She ran outside and then I saw her grab Alexis's hand. Alexis kissed her on the lips and I felt my body slowly start to break down. I started to scream and cry, "How could you? How, how could you this? I loved you. I loved you." Payton turned around and finally saw me, she grabbed me by the shoulders and whispered, "This isn't real, this isn't real. Wake up Sam, wake up."

It's 4:32 a.m, I wake up to Payton whispering at me to wake up. "Did you have another nightmare?" Payton asks looking exhausted. I must have woken her up with all my screaming. I shook my head and she pulled me closer into her arms, "It's okay, I'm right here. I'm not going to let anything happen to you." I cuddled up next to Payton and I started to wonder what I was screaming. These nightmares have to stop, I wish I could tell Payton. I just don't want her to worry about me.

It's 7:03 a.m, and my my alarm has been going off for 3 minutes. I wake up and Payton has gone for her early morning jog. I get up, take a shower, and right when I was about to get out, Payton comes running in saying, "Babe, are you okay?" I turn off the water and open the curtain, "Yeah! I'm fine. Just a little nightmare, that's all." I said while wrapping a towel around my body and looking in the mirror. Payton looks at me through the mirror and says, "Just a little nightmare? Sam you've been having these for like 6 weeks now." She looks at me with hurt in her eyes and I try to comfort her by saying, "I'm okay. Maybe it's just stress or maybe..." She cuts me off and hugs me, "Maybe, you need to go see someone about these. Like a therapist or a doctor. You know it wouldn't hurt you. It just hurts me having to wake you up every morning. Your screams terrify me, I hate hearing them and I pray everyday I don't hear them again." I start to tear up, I hate seeing Payton so hurt. She looks like an abandoned puppy with no where to go. I kiss her softly and whisper, "I'm sorry. I'll try really to hard to make them stop and if they don't I promise, I'll go see someone." She wipes the tears away from my face and says, "Don't cry baby. It's okay, I love you." I kissed her and she hopped in the shower. I straightened my hair, put on my make up, got dressed in jeans, a red polo, and a back jacket. I went to the closet and made sure that the letter from last night was put away. I heard Payton get out of the and I ran out of the closet. She came out of the bathroom with a towel around her waist asking, "What was all that noise." I hesitated, slipped on my converse, and said, "Nothing, I was just putting on my converse and hit the wall." She looked me up and down and sighed, "Alright Sam. Well have a good day, I'll see you around 3:30. I get off early today, since senior pictures, I've really been working a lot. So I made sure I'd get this afternoon off." I walked over and grabbed her waist and said, "I'll see you at 3:30. I love you. Have a good day, take beautiful pictures, just as beautiful as you." She smiled and kissed me again. I walked out and headed to my car. When I saw Payton's car right next to mine, it gave me déjà vu. I imagined what it looked like in my dream and I suddenly took a deep breath and let it go.

8:05 a.m, I got in my car and headed to R.I.C. Once I got there, I went straight to sociology. My professor always inspired me in that class, it wasn't only about how society works and but how people in that society all contribute to it. His name was Mr. Lance, he was tall, around 37 years old, had dark brown eyes, and black hair. He was attractive for his age. I always admired the way he spoke and how his eyes always focused on every single person in the room. His posture and the way he stood always made a firm example of what every man should look like to impress a girl. He was talking about society and the way people view differently. Like different styles, political views, trends, trend setters, attitude, posture, values, and most importantly, different social standards. Such as one person might find it socially and publicly acceptable to wear a shirt with a cuss word on it. Others might find it socially and publicly unacceptable to have gauges the size of your fist. He also talked about society and breaking the social norm. It's probably socially normal to walk around the grocery store to find what you want; but It's not very socially normal to skip or hop around trying to find it. Sometimes we are encouraged to break the social norm and breaking it sometimes defines what the trends are or who the trend setters are. What I loved most about sociology, is that everything some how comes together. Talking about political views could completely relate to a persons attitude or values. I think the most inspiring thing we talked about was how society views the different problems in America that aren't really in the local news. Such as depression, self harm, teen bullying, and much more. He views them a lot differently then the average person would. He focuses more on the depth of the meaning then the actual meanings themselves. We all know what depression is, but we don't know how it feels until we have it or experience it. That's what I loved about Mr. Lance, he was an idealistic thinker. He made it easier to understand by his choice of words and the order of importance. Everyday when I leave, I realize something different about myself. I learn that I'm more updated on the social trends then the actual trends themselves. That I hate politics but talk so much about them cause, without even knowing, politics are not just about presidents and the government. I also learned that my posture represents that I'm confident, but on the inside I'm really insecure and hesitant to speak. Sociology definitely isn't for everyone and sociology doesn't only focus on those eight points. But those are the eight points I find the most important and beneficial.