Dear Payton,

Chapter 10

It's 8:04a.m, I woke up to Payton coughing uncontrollably. I ran down stairs in panic to see if she was okay. When I got down there, she was on the couch covered up in a white blanket and watching tv. There were tons of chocolate wrappers on the ground next to her along with tissues and nasal spray. I walked over to her and she moved her legs so I could sit down at the edge of the couch with her. I rubbed my eyes to wake myself up and then I rubbed her knee gently while asking, "You okay baby?" She sneezed 3 times and blew her nose before answering, "I don't think so. I'm sorry I woke you up baby." "Don't be sorry sweetie and you don't sound very good." I said worryingly as I pulled over a trash can for her tissues. "I don't feel very good either babe. Thanks for the trash can," she said. She had dark circles under he eyes due to lack of sleep and running eye liner. Her nose was pink and so were her cheeks. She was breathing heavily out of her mouth cause her nose was stopped up. I told her she looked beautiful to make her smile a little bit, she smirked and said, "I don't look very beautiful today baby." "You're beautiful everyday princess." I said to cheer her up. I loved seeing her smile, even when she didn't feel good, her smile was so perfect. I got up to get my phone and when I came back I said, "I'm going to the store baby, what do you need?" She held up a piece of chocolate and said, "get me more of these, some kleenex, more nasal spray, and coffee please!" "Since when do you drink coffee?" I asked confused while putting my shoes on. "Since Angela gave me the rest of her vanilla coffee the other day," she said softly. I just shrugged my shoulders, kissed her forehead, and headed towards the door. Right when I turned the knob, Payton stopped me and said, "Sam, I, I love you." I smiled and said, "I love you too. I'll be back shortly." She smiled at me as I walked out and closed the door behind me.
It's 8:37a.m, and I'm at the store going isle to isle trying to find Payton's coffee. When I finally found the vanilla coffee creamer, I saw a women buying black coffee and coffee cups. She had short brown hair, beautiful skin, perfectly straight teeth, and she had to be around 40 to 45 years old. She had on blue jeans and a pink NYC shirt. She turned to me slowly and smiled at me. I was in too much shock to react when I realized who it was. When I finally got my thoughts together, I turned around and said, "mom?" I shouted out to her again, "mom!" I ran down the store trying to catch up to her, but she turned down another isle. I cried out for her again, "mom!" When I turned down the isle, she had disappeared. I went up to a lady shopping with her child and asked, "excuse me, did a women with brown hair and blue eyes come down this isle?" She looked at me worried and confused and said, "no honey," she then pointed to an older man and said, "he's the only person that came down this isle before you did." I took a deep breath for a moment and faintly said, "Alright, thank you, I'm sorry." I then went to get the coffee and the medicine and went to the check out lane. There were 2 girls in front of me looking back and laughing at me. I ignored them and just walked away to the next lane over. I paid for everything and went back to my car. I was so frustrated and confused I could barely move. I laid my head in my hands and just sat there trying to build the confidence to go home. I could barely breathe, it was like I was in another nightmare. I pinched myself to wake myself up but it didn't work. Nothing worked, this was reality but it felt like I was in a constant dream. All I could do was wonder, what's happening to me? I turned on my car and just took a deep breath and decided to forget about it. I knew stressing out about something like this wasn't going to change anything. I turned on the radio, relaxed myself for a second, and then headed back home.
When I got home, Payton was asleep on the couch. I laid her chocolate on the night stand along with her nasal spray and kleenex. I put the coffee in the kitchen and then headed back upstairs and went to the boxes still in our room. I opened the one that had 'memories' written on the top of it. I pulled out 7 picture frames of Payton and I before I got to the bottom of the box. I pulled out 4 photo albums of my childhood and I sat on the floor, placed the photo albums in my lap, and went through them. There were pictures of me, my sister, my dad, my uncle, and my mom. I looked through every single one and all I could do was laugh and cry at the same time. There were tons of pictures of my mom and I, most of them were taken when my sister and I were little. There were even more from when I was in high school. My mom had the most beautiful personality and the sweetest smile. She died in the summer of last year, I was devastated. Payton took off work for 3 weeks just to make sure I wouldn't kill myself. My mom was my best friend, she knew everything about me and never once did she judge me. Payton loved her too, back then her real mom didn't approve of her love choices. So my mom was the closest thing she had to a mother figure. I looked through more pictures of us and I found the one from my high school graduation. I don't know what happened to me, but tears just started falling instantly once I saw that picture. I started crying in silence when all of a sudden I heard, "Sam?" I turned around to see Payton standing in the door way, wrapped up in her blanket looking worried. I wiped my eyes quickly and said, "hey, how are you feeling?" She sat down beside me and quietly said, "She was beautiful Sam." I smiled a little and began to cry even more while choking up the words to say, "This, this is the last picture I have of us. I miss her everyday Payton. I wish I could call her and tell her we're getting married. I wish I could call her and ask her how she's doing." I laid my head on Payton's shoulder and began to cry more and more. Payton started out saying, "She knows baby. She's watching over us everyday. Even when we're stuck in the darkness, she's always shining her light to guide us to where we need to be." She held me for 10 minutes and talked to me about the memories we had with my mom and everything we did together. My mom used to come over and bring us food just as an excuse to come see us. She used to make us cakes, brownies, and a whole lot of stuff. I smiled and laughed at everything Payton said and the stories she told just to remind me how amazing my mom was. I sat up and took a deep breath for a minute and I asked Payton, "How are you feeling baby?" She smiled and said, "Much better! That coffee helped my throat a lot and so did the medicine. My head still hurts and my nose is still stopped up but, I'm okay." I leaned in a little and said, "Can I kiss you now?" "Only on the cheek for right now. I'm not getting you sick." Payton said while turning her head towards the wall and smirking. I kissed her jaw bone and tickled her to make her laugh. She screamed out for me to stop, "Sam! Stop! Stop tickling me, Sam! Stop!" She tackled me to the floor and got on top of me and straddled my waist. She held my wrists to the ground and teasingly to keep me from tickling her more. Once I calmed down and promised to stop, she smile and said, "how'd I become so lucky?" "I ask myself the same thing everyday." I said. I pushed Payton off of me playfully, picked her up, and said, "This is how I'm gonna carry you on our honeymoon. You know like through the doors of the hotel room or whatever." I said while laughing and carrying her down stairs to the couch. Payton laughed and said, "whatever you say babe." I laid her down on the couch and said, "get some rest baby girl, I'm gonna go upstairs and do some homework for sociology." I handed her the controller to the TV and combed her hair with my fingers. She sat up on the couch and took a drink of her coffee and said, "Oh yeah! Sam, 14 more days till we move!" I smiled and said, "I know. I'm gonna tell my professor tomorrow about the move. I'm hoping this essay could help me pull up my grades a little since I've missed a lot." Payton said, "Good idea." I shook my head and walked upstairs to our room.

Dear Payton,
It's 11:37a.m and I don't know what to do. I miss my mom so much Payton, I even saw her today. I didn't know how to tell you, you were so happy that I was okay. I didn't want to make you worried again. I love you so much baby, this move, your promotion, everything, it's so exciting. I hope you feel better baby, I need you to get better! I want to go see my mom again. Remember the day we went to my mothers grave and we both just sat down and talked to her. We talked to her about everything that's going on in our lives. We bought sunflowers and planted them around her grave because they were her favorite. She always used to say, "Sam, you shine like the petals of a sunflower. Cause even on your darkest days, you will stand tall and find the sun." I'll never forget that saying and I'll never forget that day. We should go back before we move, we should see our family again too. Doesn't that sound fun? I love you Payton, thanks for making me feel better today.
Sincerely yours, Sam.