The Cancer Girl

Chapter 4

I wake up, realizing that I had slept all the way through dinner and into Monday. I was starving and curious as to why no one woke me up but thankful all the same.

"7:15." I said softly to my self. I had quite a while till breakfast and I wasn't ready to wait. "Spencer. You awake?? and hungry?"

I heard some shuffling, which meant he was up. "Yes and yes!"

We are practically invincible when we were hungry. So I got up and grabbed my I.V. I didn't have to tell Spencer what was happening, he knew, he always knew. He knew we were about to steal food from the cafeteria and he knew the plan.

I started out in one direction and her went another to meet around the other way. I was in charge of distraction this time. I made it all the way to the café and started talk to one of the lunch ladies, slowly working to get them all involved in the conversation. It always worked cause I was that sad girl with cancer so they fell in love with me and wanted to hear any happy news I could offer.

Once I had them all invested into the conversation, Spencer would come in behind them and slowly start to push stuff into a bag. He grabbed everything sweet and everything sour, sliding them into the bag by the tons. As he finished up and walked out of the room, I than finish the conversation and walked around to meet him back in his room.

When I made it back to his room, he already had all the food laid out on his bed with two chairs pulled up. He was good to me like that, always getting chairs, food and anything I needed.

As we started sorted through the food and figured out who got what, Spencer started to smile almost like he was remembering. "What?" I tilted my head slightly. "I'm just thinking about the first time we did this, back when when thought it would be a good idea to have me be distracting the lunch ladies. I practically screamed when that one lady almost turned around." We both started to laugh with our heads tilted back.

"O and when I was dropping all the food on the ground making all that noise. Good thing they are old and couldn't here a thing." I could barely get the words out I was laughing so hard. Spencer's laugh bounce off the walls, it was so contagious. Just hearing him laugh sends me into the state of no return.

"Yeah, we were both pretty bad at that back than." His laughter died down but his smile didn't leave his face, with his dimples showing.

I was laughing still, looking staight into his eyes. Than we both froze at the same time and our faces staightened out, looking staight into each others eyes. He started to move in, I wasn't expecting this and I wasn't ready for what came after this moment, the hurt, heart break and tears.

"What are you doing?" I said knowing the answer because his lips were inches away from mine and we both knew what he was gonna do.

"I don't know, you tell me." I could see the smile on his face. But I knew how he really felt about not finishing the moment.

"You know I feel about this." I said as I stood up, looking down at him.

"We never even tried, you can't possibly know what's gonna happen, you don't know how our ever after is gonna end." I tried to turn away but he grabbed my arm and stood up right next to me. "I know how I feel and I know how you feel you just need to figure out how you feel because I"m ready."

His eyes where glazing over from the tears he was trying to hold back. I knew how I felt, he was right, the problem was getting hurt. I've have told him before, a month after I met him when he asked if I was single. Back than we weren't close so it was easy to break his heart, to tell him I was afraid of losing someone I was close to and that he should be afraid too.

But now we are close, my feelings growing. Spencer knew that and he knew that one day I would break if he kept pushing. So I had to make sure that never happened.

"You don't know how I feel," I was screaming. I couldn't let anyone get hurt. "You and me and NEVER going to happen, Need to to stop your pathetic flirting, creep!" The words hurt me as much as they hurt him. I was crying when I looked straight into his eyes and saw he was crying too.

I didn't know what to do, it was to late to apologize. So I turned, grabbed my I.V. pole and left the room as fast as I could.

I got back to my room and sat down, still crying. I sat there for a while just thinking about his face and the love I pushed right out of his soul.

Than of course a few minutes later the one thing I hear is the one thing I don't need right now, my mom.

My mom was the protective parent who babied you. My dad was more of the person to keep asking the nurses how much everything cost because if he can save a penny he will. I love them both but want just happened to me was something I wasn't ready to talk about.

So I wiped my face as fast as I could laid down in my bed and closed my eyes. Maybe if I was lucky, they would think I was asleep.

I heard the door open and I laid still and took deep breaths making sure I look asleep.

"Abigail?" My mom whispered. I stayed still, acting asleep and hoping they would leave. "Abigail!" My mom screamed and after that there was no saying I was asleep. I rolled over and groaned.

"What?" I kept my eyes close so she wouldn't see the redness.

"What is all this food doing here?" All the memory's came flowing in, what he did and how I hurt him.

"Just holding it mom."Annoyed at the question.

"That's what a normal teenager would say about drugs." I peeked my eyes open to see that she was not joking and she really took this seriously.

"But I'm not a normal kid, I'm dying, so if we could not bring that up it would be great." I was mad and she could tell.

"Ok, sorry. Your father and I are going to go get some coffee, we will be right back." In a way I hoped she was lying and would be back not soon.

She started to walk out of the room with my father. I was left alone.

I started to stare off, out the window. Watching nurses, doctors and normal humans that aren't dying. A few minutes of zoning out later, I heard something that sent me to a place, a place I try to never go. I heard the one thing I couldn't handle right now. The code red alarm and there was only one thing I could think, only one thing I could say and I didn't just say it, I screamed it as loud as I could.

"Spencer!"