13 reasons why [completed]

chapter 3;

i sigh and finish packing my books. another day of hell. i really don't know how to feel right now. my only wish is to die. maybe it's not the best option but it will fix everything. i would be happy again. maybe i would have friends up there. who knows. but sadly, i have to go to school now. i walk downstairs, keeping my head low, trying to not make eye contact with my family. they hate me, i know it. actually everyone does. i have never been popular in school. i mean, i had my friends, but only few. now i don't even have one. but i have to deal with it. i put in my earphones and listen to happy music, trying to brighten up my mood. it isn't working but i won't lose anything with trying. already, when i come at the school yard, everyone's eyes are on me. i can say i kinda got used to it. as i walk past the popular gang in school, i hear then yelling my name. i turn around and see them laughing. one of the boys comes closer to me and pushes me to a wall. i was confused, and scared. "hey stupid" he yelled right into my face. i swallowed hard. "did you know that no one likes you? not even your family" he laughed. i looked down. he takes my phone from my pocket and throws it at the ground, so it breaks into milion pieces. everyone is staring at us, some are laughing, obviously. i didn't know what to do. run away? try to fight for myself? stay there and let them say bad words about me? i was really confused and hurt at this point. i felt like i was frozen. in that moment, every word was unclear and blurry for me. i couldn't understand them. i was lost. lost in my mind. who knows for how long we were standing here. 1 minute? 10 minutes? 1 hour?  i don't have a clue. all i knew is that i'm stupid, worthless, ugly, a disappointment, a huge mistake for this world. my parents would be happier only with martinus, he's an angel as they say. i don't know what to do to make anyone like me. but i can't.
school is finished, thank god. now i'm home, more accurate in my room. i'm thinking about everything. my shitty life, how i don't have friends and how i was bullied all day. it hurts. the words they say hurt. but more like mental pain. pain in my chest. like i can't breathe. i. but wait, i got an idea. i walk to the bathroom, close the door and lock it. i looks at myself in the mirror and see a complete mess. my look falls at the razor blades on the counter. i take one in my hand and put it close to my wrist. i close my eyes and do a little cut. i thought it will hurt, but it actually feels good. i continued doing fine cuts on my arm, enjoying the fisical pain in stead of mental.
third reason: bullying & hate