13 reasons why [completed]

chapter 13; [!trigger warning!]

i was sitting on cold bathroom door, with knife in my hand. yes, i will end all this. i can't anymore. i already wrote a letter to dad. i'm sorry everyone, but it's my time to leave this world. hope no one will be that mad and hurt about this. i rolled up my sleeve, took a deep breath and cut. i cut deep. i did 7 deep cuts, same number as martinus was stabbed. i leaned my head back, and took deep breaths. then, i saw everything. every reason why i did this. i again saw my friends avoiding me. i again saw martinus with that innocent smole. i again heard the words that alex said before leaving me. i again saw how the bullies pushed me to ground. how they yelled those things, that still hurt. i again saw me, first time cutting. i again saw liz, sitting next to me. i again saw how i kissed her. and, i again heard how she said martinus is better. i again heard mom and dad arguing. i again heard the words "it's the best to divorce". i again saw the rain drops on the window of the car while leaving home. i again saw how lucas sat next to me. i again saw chloe in that tight red dress. i again saw what happened that night. i again saw the pregnancy test. i again saw lucas yelling at me, and kicking me. i again saw kristi sitting in the living room, dad introducing her to me. i again saw her forcing me to clean the house. i again saw jake beating me up. i again heard those words on the tv. i again saw myself falling asleep in dad's arms. i opened my eyes slightly, and again saw my open arm. there was no way out now. i knew it's over. i took my last breath. finally i was free. finally. i never felt this good. i guess i just wasn't made for that world.
thirteenth reason: there aint a reason, my body just gave up.