Not (just) A Love Story - BTS | JJK

Chapter 26

But why?

"Why?" she asked him.

"Huh?" he couldn't read her expression. Her eyes had started glistening. She continued, "Why were you looking for me? I was right here. I live right next door. I was not avoiding you."

"Liar," Jungkook  spoke, barely a whisper. Without breaking eye contact she said, "You have another life Jungkook. You are young. So, go have fun. You don't have to hang out with me all the time. Stop wasting your precious life," Amelia said and started pacing backwards, freeing herself from his hold.

He looked at her feeling bewildered.

"Why are you saying all this?" he asked her, feeling utterly confused. His heart hurt. And it did not feel good. As a few tears escaped her eyes, he asked, "Why?"

She stayed silent for a moment and then, "Go be with her Jungoo. Find friends who deserve you. Just go."

She hung her head as she said these words. She waited for a few seconds. But he did not move, neither did he.

"Do you think it's that easy to push me away? Do you think you can throw me out of your life as and when you please? Newsflash Aami! Life doesn't work that way."

She stood silent listening to him.

"And her? Seriously? It feels as if you just want some random reason to avoid me and you are ready to accept any. Bringing her up is not a very good reason at all!"

"But she is right for you Jungoo! She is pretty! She is smart! She is making a career out of her life! You could have a family with her! And let me find a family of my own," she suddenly said out loud.

He advanced to her door and got hold of the knob. Unlike what she thought, instead of storming out, he locked it from the inside. While she stood staring at the back of his head, he said, "I'm not leaving your apartment until we sort this out. Unlike you, I do not intend to run away from this issue."

It was getting a little too dark outside. It must have been past eight by now. All lights were off except a table lamp that dimly lit the whole living room. On the floor, in a corner of the room, leaning against the wall sat Jungkook and Amelia. While she stared at the floor, he was watching her.

"Just go home Jungoo."

He realised that he was lost in a trance when her words snapped him out of it.

Breathing out, he said, "It's not like I'm getting late and will miss the last bus. I live right next door."

When she didn't respond to him, he added, "But it's good to hear you call me 'Jungoo'."

She looked up at him.

"What?" Amelia asked with a blank expression. Or was it that he couldn't recognise how she felt? He couldn't tell.

"That day in the café, you called me Jungkook, instead of Jungoo."

She remained silent for a second and asked, "Did I?"

He nodded his head. And she knew this was a big deal, even for him.

"I'm sorry. I don't remember at all."

He looked at her, eyebrows furrowed. He said, "I know what you are thinking. Stop doing that."

She looked up at him and asked with a slight smirk, "Is that so? What am I thinking?"

Her calm exterior angered him slightly.

"Stop thinking about her. Stop pushing me to her. Stop pushing me away. And for the love of god, stop comparing yourself to her! To everyone!"

Even after he lashed out, she sat silent staring at the floor. Watching her not react at all, he called out, "Aami? Talk to me. I don't know if I can help you or not, but I want to try at least..."

Though she sat still, he could see a tear slowly making its way down her cheek. He slid on the floor and sat in front of her. Holding her face in his hands, he slowly raised her head. While she let him do this, she refused to look into those eyes that tried to peer into hers.

"Aami" he called her softly.

"I..."

Hearing her say something made him feel better. She was trying very hard to say something and yet, she was pushing it in. He nodded in encouragement and waited in anticipation.

"I...I hate myself Jungoo."

Tears wet her cheeks in no time and with either of his thumb he tried to wipe them away. He wanted her to let it out, once and for all. Thus he kept quiet while he let her, let it all out.

"I just hate myself so much. I'm good for nothing. I'm not pretty, I'm not smart, I'm not talented. I'm just a waste of space. Just trash. Just garbage. And I know that. I don't deserve your friendship. I don't deserve your time. You are wasting your time with me, being here."

Her voice suddenly got heavy and she became serious. She started pushing him away while he tried to hold her in place. She said, "Leave, leave right now. Go to her. Go to anyone. Find someone good. Just leave!"

He held both of her hands using his full strength and trapped her in a hug. He wiped away a tear hanging from his nose on her shoulder. He hadn't even realised that he himself, had started crying.

While she struggled to be free from his grip, he held onto her more tightly. But his blood boiled when he heard her say, "I should have just died when I had the chance..."

He loosened his grip on her when she herself stopped struggling in his arms. Moving back a little he looked at her face. She looked limp, tired and weak. He shook her as he said, "Don't you ever say that again? I don't know about you, but I won't be able to live without you. I love you Aami. You are the only reason I'm happy with my life right now. You are the only one good thing in my life."

"You are just saying that," she said in a weak voice.

"Absolutely not!"

"You are lying to make me feel better. That night too, you were about to kiss me only because you were drunk. There is no way you'd think of me that way. There is no way that you love me. Because I don't deserve to be loved."

He hugged her again, this time more softly, "I love you, and you know that. And I know that you love me too. But why do you have to lie to yourself?"

"No. I'm just garbage. A waste of space on this planet-"

He shushed her, rubbing her back with his palm.