for him // phan

one

Dan howell found his way to a worn school parking lot, deserted by its students. the grey asphalt matched the london sky. it blended everything together into one big, monotone picture.

everything except an old sky blue 1964 Buick Riviera, otherwise known as Ol' River. the paint was scratched and sun-damaged, revealing it's true age and telling stories of the past. of course, what really caught the junior's attention was the owner of said car, leaning against the hood with a cigarette resting between his cracked lips and his hidden-gem eyes squeezed shut. dan watched for a second as the boy's face was shielded in a blanket of smoke. wind brushed the grey curtain away, caressing the smoker's black hair as it left. the brunette finally allowed himself to move again.

to breathe again.

he didn't look at the senior as he walked up and stood beside him, acting carefully to still the atmosphere. dan was always careful, too aware of his surroundings to dare to disturb them.

he tilted his head to watch as the (barely) taller man raked his fingers through a wave of his wind-disturbed hair. the brunette could smell the fresh dye through the car owner's cologne, as well as his own sweet perfume.

it took them both a moment to relax in each others' presence. dan gazed at the man's pale blue jean jacket. he'd worn that jacket. it always smelled like other- hair dye and vanilla lattes.

the scent of burned tobacco could barely compete.

dan let himself fall into the other's side, grabbing the hem of his coat to keep from melting into the ground beneath them.

"im sorry phil."

it was all he could manage without letting himself break. he could feel his eyes become glossy and his face go red when the smoker's eyes met his own.

"it's okay." phil mumbled,  resting his head on dan's soft curls as he returned his gaze to the dreary sky.

the brunette almost flinched as phil slid his hand around dan's waist, lightly grabbing the waistband of his adidas, pulling him closer. it was a small gesture, but it was their thing. if dan were to be wearing jeans, phil would have hooked his thumb in one of his belt loops.

he didn't mean to flinch; he was just too careful.

the older held his half-smoked cigarette to the brunette. dan took the offering between his teeth to secure it more than his lips could. last time, it fell on the parking space near a puddle of gasoline and was stepped on by phil just in time.

dan was the first to move again, making his way into the beige leather passenger seat of Ol' River. phil smirked, getting in on the driver's side. he started the ignition, letting the engine roar to life before buckling in. dan followed in suit, rolling his window down. phil constantly got on his back about how his dad would kill him if the smell of cigarettes stained the car.

"mine or yours?" phil asked, pulling forward as the parking spot across from them was empty. much easier than backing out.

dan grabbed hold of the cancer stick between his first and second finger, taking a drag before responding.

"mine."

he had to stop himself from choking on the nicotine.

the rest of the ride was filled with quiet alternative music from the old stereo. it wasn't uncomfortable or tense. it was them.

phil pulled into the younger's driveway roughly 15 minutes later. their town was small enough, so there wasn't much traffic stopping them from getting there quickly. dan chose to discard the used cigarette shortly into their drive. he stepped out, shutting the door while taking note of the lack of light coming from the house's windows. jumping slightly, he heard phil shut his door and lock the car. too fucking careful.

"they're out again."

phil sighed, letting dan lead them inside. the brunette's parents were rarely home. when they were, they were too busy fighting to care if their son was around or not.

the boys sped up the stairs. dan knew his 6-year old brother, adrian, wasn't home either. his school still had an hour left in the day, and the bus was always late. they didn't need to rush, but he just wanted to lie down.

as soon as they set foot in his cluttered room, dan let himself fall onto his bed.

phil chuckled at him. "tired already?"

dan proceeded to throw a pillow towards the senior for that remark.

catching the pillow with ease, phil tossed it into place on the bed before he slid off his jacket and climbed in. dan tensed as he felt arms wrap around his small waist. he relaxed after a second or two, burying his head in the other's chest.

one of phil's hands found it's way into dan's hair, playing with his curls. "you should wear your hair like this more often."

dan scoffed. "never."

"i like your curly hair."

"i like your dick- don't see me telling you to stop wearing pants, do you?"

phil's face lit up in a pink hue. "dan!"

the younger boy sighed, turning on his back and hiding his face in his hands. "sorry. i've been in a bad mood."

"i think i can cheer you up..." phil rolled dan over to face him again and gently pried the other's hand away from his face. he kissed him softly but passionately, sliding his hands under dan's white t-shirt.

the brunette broke away, smiling and lightly giggling. "no, phil. im not in the mood."

"you're not in the mood to cuddle and make out?" phil looked at him quizzically, a million dollar smirk plastered on his face.

dan let out a short laugh. "that is not where that was going!"

"sure, sure. not like you don't usually have your shirt off by now anyway." the other retorted.

"oh, so that's what you were going for?" dan pushed phil off him, sitting up to take off his shirt. "happy?"

phil pulled him back down. "very."

dan smiled, glaring playfully at phil, who kissed him again. the brunette melted into the kiss, snaking his arms behind phil's neck.

phil pushed dan's bare shoulder lightly, causing him to shift to his back so the older could hover over him. this caused the brunette to giggle, breaking the kiss yet again.

a few strands of black hair fell into the older's face as he smiled at the boy beneath him.

"so, will you be my boyfriend?"

"nope"