Secrets | l.h.

Chapter Seventeen -

Makayla's POV 

Luke's grip tightened around my waist.

"May, get over here." Michael demanded.

"No, Michael. I-"

"May," Luke said.

"What, Luke?"

"We need to break up."

"W-what?" My heart sank.

"We need to break up. I love you, baby, but I can't ruin your relationship with Michael. A brother lasts, boyfriends don't. Please understand. Michael is trying to be better for you, and I don't want to get in the way of that."

"Luke. B-but-"

"I'm sorry, I love you. Good bye, Makayla." He shook my hand and walked away. I sunk to the ground, hyperventilating and tears threatening to spill. I watched him walk out of my life.

"May, I'm sorry." Michale said, crouching by me. He pulled me into his embrace, and held me close to his chest.

"I need him.." I cried. Michael lead me back to his car, where we began the drive home. 

I was silent the entire time, either looking at my hands curled in my lap, or out the window. Music played quietly from the radio.

"May, what're you feeling?"

"Regret." He sighed and put his hand on the back of my head. "I never should've been with Luke's should I?"

"I don't know, May."

"Can we stop taking?"

"Whatever you want."

We made it home, and I went into my room, crying. Nothing goes right in my life, huh? No one loves me. Nobody can just care for one second. My parents never did. Michael is trying, but if really did, he would just let me and Luke be. I was raped beaten, I tried to commit suicide.

Luke used to care. Luke helped me when I was raped. Luke prevented it from happening again. Luke also stopped me from being beaten. Luke saved me.

Michael and my parents never cared. They didn't help me when I was raped. They didn't prevent it from happening again. They didn't stop my bullies from beating me. They didn't save me. Michael only did when he had to.

And I had and reached my hand up when I jumped so Luke could catch me. Not Michael.

I cried for hours. Then stopped. I stopped feeling. I need to get back into old habits. I went into  my bathroom and found my razor blade.

I sliced open my wrist five times, and then five to the other. I pulled down my pants and five on each of my thighs. My fat, ugly thighs. No wonder nobody loves me. I'm a fat, ugly, worthless and uslesss slut.

"May?" Michael knocked on my door.

"What?" 

"Can I come in?"

"No."

"Um, I made you something to eat."

"I'm not hungry."

"May..."

"Go away, Michael. Just leave me alone." I said, slicing my leg again.

"I'm leaving it outside the door, if you want it later."

"I won't." I muttered, starting my shower. I got in, images of Luke passing constantly in my mind. I began crying. Hysterically. I collapsed to the shower floor, tears streaming from my eyes.

I need my Luke. I need him. I can't live without him.

I began frantically cutting my skin, blood dripping down. It spilled into the shower walls, the shower floor, and on the shower curtain. I used the water to wash it away, erasing all of the evidence.

I'm weak without Luke. 

I got out of the water, drying myself off and slipping on sweatpants and a long-sleeved shirt.

"May?" I rolled onto my bed, facing away from the door.

"Leave, Michael."

"It's Ashton."

"I don't care."

"Listen,"

"Ash! If you want me to feel better then just leave me alone." The door opened.

"I want you to feel better, and you need to talk about it to feel better." He said, sitting beside me. I took a shaky breath.

"I just want him, Ash." I cried, and he pulled me up and into his arms. "He's the only person who I've ever truly loved. He made me feel good."

"I know, and Calum is talking to him right now, and he said Luke said the same things.

"What would you do if you were me?"

"Me? Well, I'd talk. I'd eat. I'd express myself, because I know it's the only way to get better."

"I know, but I just can't."

"Can you atleast try? For me? For Luke? Talk to Michael, talk to me, or Calum. Talk to Luke even."

"Not Michael."

"Why not?"

"Well, I'm not mad at him, but he's just, he tore Luke and I apart."

"And I'm sorry about it." Michael said, emerging from my doorway.

"Go."

"But you said you weren't angry at me!"

"That dows't mean I want to talk to you."

"May. Listen. Luke might have said he loves you, but he doesn't. He doesn't love, or care, or need you. He's an asshole. Okay? May, you can do so much netter than him-"

"I don't want to do better than him! You don't know how well he treated me, how he always ,add me feel safe and loved around him. You don't know!"

"I know enough. Now stop sulking. You're weak, and pathetic." He drug Ashton out of my room.

Michael I'll never, ever have my forgiveness. I hate him with all of my heart.