Promise Me (Book One of the Kirkland Family)

Promise Me: Chapter 39

Chapter 39

The next morning, Justin and Josie took her friend home, and then he called around to schedule meetings for that afternoon on getting Hannah’s house fixed.  He was meeting Rufus around noon, and he made Josie promise to keep her mouth shut.  She wrangled a bribe out of him, but he was happy to do so.  He knew she was getting spoiled this summer, yet Justin saw in her eyes that she wasn’t letting it get to her head.  She helped out on the farm and around the house just as hard as anyone else, and she had not complained once.  

He also discovered that Rufus’ cousin worked in construction and could do the porch, and the guy also knew of someone who could paint the exterior and install new windows.  After a long Saturday of meetings and getting rough estimates based on what Justin told them all, he was looking at a hefty sum of money.  More than he anticipated, but there had been no hesitation on agreeing to pay.  Hannah would strangle him when she found out.  He didn’t care.  He was doing this for her whether she liked it or not.

The rest of the weekend passed in a blur.  He tried to go talk some sense into Lawna one more time, but she wasn’t at the motel, and the desk clerk wouldn’t tell him if she checked out or not.  Mrs. Beale announced that she’d not seen any sign of Hannah’s mother since earlier that week, but the suspense of not knowing when Lawna would strike next had Justin gnawing at the bit.  It would be Monday, he assumed.  He only prayed that she wouldn’t do it at the store, and not within hearing of Josie, and that he’d be able to keep Hannah busy at her house with the renovations that afternoon.

Then on Monday morning, Josie came down with a sinus infection.  She wouldn’t be going into work with Hannah that morning, and his obligations and duty towards his child kept him from Hannah as well.  He took Josie to the doctor as early as he could get an appointment, picked up her prescription and drove her back to the farm to rest.  As soon as Josie was down for a nap, he called to coax Hannah away for a long lunch break...and to see if there was any sign of Lawna.

But as he drove back into town and listened to the unanswered ring of Hannah’s cell phone for three tries, he called the store’s phone.  Chad picked up on the fifth ring.  “Oh, hey, Justin...listen this isn’t a good time...”

“What’s going on?  Is Hannah there?  She’s not answering her phone.”

“Yeah, she’s here...but I don’t think she can talk,” Chad said, a funny sound to his voice.

“Well, can you ask her to call me back as soon as she can?” Justin replied.

“I don’t know if that’s possible either,” Chad said.  “She’s...she’s got a visitor.”

“A visitor?”  Shit!  I’m too late!

“Um, yeah...I think it’s her mother...”

Justin slammed on the gas pedal and swerved around the car in front of him.  “How long has she been there?”

“A few minutes,” Chad answered, his voice far away as though not paying much attention to the phone call.  “It doesn’t look very...friendly, you know what I mean?  I think Hannah might kill someone.”

“I’ll be there in two minutes,” Justin told Chad and tossed his phone onto the dash.  He ran through two stop signs and a red light getting to the store.  Crap, crap, crap, f*ck, f*ck, shit!  Her mother finally made her move...please, God, don’t let her tell Hannah everything...don’t let her be that stupid...

But when he pulled into the parking lot, he saw the crowd of workers gathering outside the warehouse, peering toward the store -- and Mark rushing in that direction -- and Justin knew this wasn’t going to be good.

*****

Hannah nervously stared at her cell phone all morning, wondering why Justin hadn’t called her, other than to say that Josie was sick and that he took Teddy back to her house before Josie’s doctor appointment.  Poor Josie.  Just as she was about to call Josie and ask if she needed anything, Chad stuck his head in her office.

“Hey, Hannah...there’s someone here to see you.”

She looked at her phone one last time and nodded.  “Okay...I’m coming.”

She maneuvered around her desk and left the small room, her mind far away, thoughts of her weekend with Kim running continuously behind her eyes.  The didn’t talk much about Mark during their girl-trip, but Hannah had to wonder what would happen when the Kim and Mark saw each other again.  Hannah hadn’t laid eyes on the older man at all morning, and Kim was hiding out at the greenhouses, not yet popping her head out for anyone’s notice.  Something Josie said made her smile as she walked into the main room of the store -- “Adults are funny.  Ya’ll can’t figure out anything, can you?”

If only we all had your outlook on life, Josie, Hannah mused, still smiling, but her mouth dropped her bemused expression when she saw her mother standing in the middle of her store, gazing fondly around.  Hannah’s feet came to a dead stop.  She almost went back into her office before Lawna saw her, but that would be cowardly.  

Her mother’s eyes landed on her, and she smiled.  “You’ve made some changes since I was last here.”

Hannah stiffened her spine and faced the woman with hostility.  “It’s only been twenty-seven years.”

Chad stood at the counter, writing out an order form for a call-in, and he lifted his head when he heard Hannah speak so sharply.  He eyed them both, like he would a pair of rattlesnakes rearing up against each other.

“What do you want?” Hannah asked Lawna.

“I wanted to see you,” her mother answered calmly.  “I tried calling the house a few times, but you never called me back.”

After getting back from Memphis, Hannah unplugged all her landline phones in the house.  She didn’t know Lawna had still been trying to contact her.  Foolishly, she had hoped the woman would never try.  “What do you want?” she asked again.

“We need to talk, Hannah,” Lawna said, taking a step toward her daughter.  “I’m having surgery again tomorrow, and...and if this one fails...please, Hannah, this might be my last chance--”

“And you don’t deserve it,” Hannah hissed.  Chad’s head whipped around to her, his young, kind eyes wide with amazement.  Hannah knew he’d never heard her speak in a such a way.  But she ignored him for the moment.  For now, he was meeting a purpose...not leaving her alone with her mother.

“Honey, I know how you must hate me--”

“You could not even have an inkling of how I feel about you,” Hannah declared, clenching her fists by her side.  

“I do, Hannah,” she said.  “I promise, I do know how you feel.”

“You left!  You left your husband, your child, the family you vowed to love and protect forever!  Everything that I hold in greatest esteem, you junked and rejected without a backward glance!  Now, you come back and ask for forgiveness?  No, Mother!  I don’t give a damn that you’re dying!”

Tears welled up Lawna’s eyes as she clasped her hands across her stomach.  “I know you don’t mean that--”

“I mean every word.”

“But...but you need to know that I never meant to hurt you in any way...I love--”

“I already know everything,” Hannah said tersely.  By now, Chad was backing into a corner, probably hoping to fade into the wall, since he’d have to walk by both women to leave the store.  The phone rang on the counter...and rang, and Hannah glanced at him to see if he’d answer it.  He snatched it, his face red and he spoke into the receiver.

“Ev-everything?” her mother asked, the one word creaking with fear.

“Everything I need to know,” Hannah said.

“Oh, baby...I never wanted you to know everything, Hannah.”

Hannah’s gaze narrowed.  “You left because you hated it here, and Daddy wasn’t going back to California.  You never loved him.  You never loved me.  What else is there to know?”

Lawna’s fear-filled eyes fluttered closed as her face drained with immense reprieve.  “Oh, thank you, Lord,” she whispered to herself, bringing her hands up to press against her lips.  Hannah stomped closer to her.  

“‘Thank you, Lord?’” she roared at Lawna.  “‘Thank you, Lord’, for making you the uncaring, faithless person you are?  Or ‘Thank you, Lord,’ that me and Daddy stopped thinking of you altogether once the pain wore off?”

“Oh, Hannah, honey,” Lawna said, tears rolling down her face.  She reached out and touched Hannah’s cheek, who instantly backed away.  “I never stopped loving you or your father...”

“Don’t!  Don’t try to make it all better!  You had twenty-sevenyears to make it better!  And now  you come back?!  Now?!  With tales of brain tumors and dying?!”

“Honey--”

“Stop calling me that!” Hannah shouted, her own eyes throbbing with unshed tears.  “You don’t get to call me that!”

“You have to know that I’m so sorry for everything...I never wanted it to end this way,” Lawna cried.  “There are things I’m not proud of, but I know that leaving was the best thing for all of us.”

“The best thing?!  I grew up without a mother!  I was the butt of many jokes as a child!  People looked at me and Daddy with pity and sympathy, and it only got worse when Daddy died!  You didn’t even come to his funeral!  Why should I give you the same compassion you never showed me?”

Sadly, Lawna gazed at Hannah.  “I was there, Hannah.  You just didn’t see me.  I’ve always been there for you...you just never looked...”

“And why should I have?” Hannah retorted.  “I grew up thinking my own mother didn’t love me.  And now, I’m seeing the same thoughts running through another young girl’s head.  I’m seeing it first-hand, all over again.  Do you have any idea what that does to a child?  Every day, I ‘thank’ the Lord that Josie’s father loves her as much as mine did.  I don’t ‘thank’ Him because her mother doesn’t love her!”

“It’s not like that at all,” Lawna said, grasping Hannah’s hands so tightly, Hannah couldn’t escape her.  “I’m glad that you and James had each other...I’m so glad!  I thought--”  She stopped with her mouth open and snapped it shut instantly.

Hannah stared at her.  “You thought what?”

“Nothing...it’s nothing.”

“You.  Thought.  What?” Hannah bit out through clenched teeth.  “What are you not telling me?”

Suddenly, Lawna’s arms went around Hannah, crushing her in a startling hug.  “Oh, honey!  I’m so sorry!  Everything...everything just went wrong, and I tried to fix it, but I didn’t know how, so I left!  I loved James so much!  I wanted to stay!  I wanted for us to be a family, but I couldn’t do it!  I couldn’t look at you and not feel guilty, knowing what I had done...knowing that I would eventually hurt you and your father...”

Hannah stood there, in her mother’s arms, stiff and unmoving, and a lump of terrifying dread dropped to her stomach.  “Mom,” she whispered, barely able to get the words out, “what’s going on?  What are you talking about?”

Lawna sobbed incoherently into Hannah’s hair, and Hannah lifted her eyes, seeing two pairs of boots running into the store.  Mark...and Justin.  Both men stopped dead when they saw Hannah and Lawna.

And both men had the same wretched, mortified expression on their faces.

Justin’s green eyes seared into Hannah.  He knows something...but what does he know?

They both know.  A secret...about her and her parents, and they all knew...

And Justin never said anything...all those attempts to keep her away from her house, and to not talk to her mother...he knew something, and he never said anything.  She suffered through the splinter of disbelief that pierced her heart.  He’ll never love me...he’s been keeping secrets...her mother’s secrets...  He knew how she felt about her mother.  And still, he knew something about Hannah’s own past that she didn’t know.  It hurt.  It hurt bad.

Hannah shoved Lawna away and faced all three of them.  Chad, mostly ignored to this point, murmured something to Justin as he quickly left the store.  Justin nodded and turned back to Hannah, seeing only her, studying her face, profoundly assessing her body language as she jerked her chin skyward and flexed her tense fingers by her side, and she screamed, “Somebody tell me what the hell is going on!”

*****

Justin came to her, but she pushed his arms away.  “You’ve been keeping something from me!  All of you!  What is it?  I want to know now!”

Silence deadened the room.  Hannah glared at them...the two men she loved and admired more than any other on this earth, and the woman she’d tried very hard to forget.

Lawna turned to Mark, a red flush to her otherwise pale cheeks.  “Mark...I...”

Mark’s face hardened.  “We agreed, Lawna,” he said hoarsely.  “You promised never to come back, and I have kept my promise.”

“I know,” Hannah’s mother wailed pitifully, “but I had to see her...one last time!  I’m dying, Mark!  I couldn’t leave this life without telling her how much I’ve always loved her!”

“You promised,” Mark hissed.  “Nothing good will come of this!”

Hannah listened to their evasive exchange...and her stomach heaved, her worst possible nightmare staring her in the face.  Oh, God...what...what if...  “Mark?”

Mark glanced at her, his weathered, aging face softening tenderly.  “I’m sorry, Hannah.  You were never supposed to know...”

Lawna stepped closer to Mark, who back away, just as Hannah had done.  “I swear I haven’t told her.  I can leave...I can go now...”

Hannah stomped over to her mother and whirled her around roughly by the elbow.  Bones poked into Hannah’s palm and vaguely, she recognized the skeletal frame Lawna had become, but none of that mattered right now.  “No!  You are not leaving until I know what’s going on!”

“Honey,” she said carefully, cupping Hannah’s cheeks.  “It doesn’t matter.  I only wanted to see you one more time, tell you I love you, and now I can leave you alone.  It’s better this way.”

Hannah refused to let Lawna out of her grip.  “I want to know!”

“Sweetheart,” Justin whispered behind her, his hand lightly touching her shoulder.  “Let her go...it’s over.”

“It is not over!”  She cast her glances at all of them, seeing so much now.  The pitiful regret in Lawna’s face.  The deep, soul-wrenching remorse of Mark as he looked between her and Lawna.  And Justin’s flushed animosity towards Mark, and his searing entreaty to keep her from the secret.

And then everything connected.  Mark and Lawna...and Justin’s odd protective behavior...Josie saying, “It’s just that the two of you look a little like each other...you know, same nose, same eyes.  I thought you were related somehow.”  

Hannah’s knees gave out, and Justin steadied her with a strong hand on her elbow.  “No,” Hannah moaned.  “You didn’t!  You two...oh, God!  No!”

Lawna stepped closer.  “Hannah, honey, we’re sorry...it was a mistake...it just happened, and I swear to you, your father -- James -- he never knew!  We never told him!  You were -- have always been -- his daughter--”

“No!” Hannah shrieked, slapping everyone’s hands away from her body.  “No!  It can’t be true!”  She stormed a rageful scowl at Mark.  “You slept with my mother?!”

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered thickly.

“How could you?!  How could you do this to me -- to Daddy!  We trusted you!  You were married!  You had children, you loved your wife!  How could you?!"

He shamefully hung his head and repeated, “I’m sorry, Hannah...so very sorry...”

"Hannah,” her mother said, “Look at me, it was one night, and then you looked so much like me -- we were never really sure until the test came back--"

"He was Daddy’s best friend!" she screamed louder.  "He loved you both!  I loved you both!  Then you left me, and you, Mark!  I loved you like a...a...oh, f*ck!  I loved you like a father, Mark!  And now you’re telling me that you are my father?  And nobody bothered to mention this years ago?!”

Neither Lawna nor Mark could look at her.  In her outrage, she turned on Justin.  “And you!  You knew, too?  How could you keep this from me?  I thought we were friends!  I thought you cared something for me!”

“I did -- I do, Hannah!”  Justin tried to pull her into his arms, but she fought him, roughly, maniacally, to the point of slapping his face with every ounce of strength she had.  And he took it, never blinking an eye.  But Hannah didn’t care anymore.  Every muscle in her body trembled crazily.  Her pulse pounded severely in her temples, making her light-headed and nauseous.  Big, fat tears gushed from her eyes, dripping off her chin.  

Her father...Daddy...memories of his kind smile, his deep, rich laughter, every time he said, “I love you, Hannah Banana,”...it all clattered and thundered and fragmented behind her eyes.  Her heart was ready to burst.  Her bones nearly cracked under the strain of her shuddering limbs.  Her brain was shutting down, going into self-preservation mode, as she struggled to keep the fainting darkness at bay.  

She wanted to hurt someone, lash out, like she was hurting, and her gaze landed on Mark.  “You bastard,” she snarled.  “Justin was right!  You do get around, don’t you?”

Mark glanced at Justin, a brief flare of hatred in both their eyes, but Hannah didn’t allow either of them to speak.  “She’s having your baby, you stupid...jerk!  Are you going to give that one up, too?”

Mark drew himself up to his full height.  “Leave Kim out of this.  That’s different.”

“How is it different?  You slept with my mother, you got Kim pregnant!  How many other bastards have you made?  I thought you were a better man than this!”

His jaw tensed, but his tone was relatively calm.  “I know you’re hurting--”

“Shut up!  You don’t know anything!  You’re fired!”

Mark blinked, startled by her outburst.  Hannah surprised herself, but she wasn’t taking it back, not now, not when such ferocious desire to cause someone else pain erupted from her.  Betrayed.  By all of them.  Her and Kim and Daddy.  Did they not see how their actions could hurt so many people?

Justin inhaled sharply and said, “Hannah, don’t do that...it’s not you...don’t become like them.”

She was about to lay it on him, too, when she vaguely heard Chad say from outside, “Sorry, folks...someone will be with you in a minute,” and she gazed distractedly out of the open front doors to see a man and his wife and their two children waiting patiently to be let in the store.

Mark saw the family too, and he frowned.  “We should take this somewhere else...”

“No,” Hannah replied weakly.  “I’m done...I have nothing else to say...to any of you...I’m going home...”

Mark nodded.  “That might be best, Hannah.”

“Don’t...don’t talk to me,” she growled with the last of her strength.  “Don’t you dare tell me what’s best for me.”  She numbly headed toward the back to her office to grab her purse and keys.  But Justin stopped her, the imprint of her palm standing out on his cheek. 

“I’ll drive you home.”

She wiped the wetness from her cheeks and shot a stony look at him.  “No...I don’t want you to--”

Suddenly, a pair of intense green eyes got up-close and personal with hers.  “I wasn’t asking, Songbird.  I am driving you home.”

Her mother came up to her side and softly said, “Hannah...”

“Just...leave me alone, all of you,” Hannah managed to get out of her swollen throat.  She felt like she’d been crying non-stop for years.  How did this happen?

A part of her still-functioning brain began laughing, maniacally.  How did this happened?  Babies are only made one way, Hannah.  And as her brain laughed, so did her mouth...a hysterical sound that caught the worried attention of everyone close by.

Then she lost all muscle-control and swayed dangerously forward.  Justin caught her, held her close and carried her out to his truck, never saying another word.