Promise Me (Book One of the Kirkland Family)

Promise Me: Chapter 35

Chapter 35

Hannah bypassed the young receptionist behind the counter, walked straight down the corridor and into Olivia’s office.  She slapped the contract on the woman’s desk and said, “I’ll sign it.”

Olivia took off a pair of reading glasses and studied Hannah.  “Just like that?”

“Just like that, with one condition.”

It had taken her only two seconds to come to this conclusion.  She woke up to Justin kissing her forehead, waited until he got in the shower, and now, she was going after everything.  She had plans in her head, and this was the first step.  

“I’m listening,” Olivia said.

“Ten songs,” she told Olivia.  “That’s all I’m promising right now, but I don’t want to be tied to a time line.  You get me on weekends, whenever I can get to Memphis.  It’s the only way I can do this.”

Olivia smiled softly and sat back in her desk chair, her legs curled up in a pretzel, something only a woman as tiny as her could manage without falling to the floor.  “Alright.  I’ll agree to that.  When do you want to start?”

Hannah shook her head.  “I can’t do anything until September.  I have other matters to attend to before that.”

“Other matters,” Olivia mused.  “That stinks of a man.  Tall and Sexy?”

“Among other matters,” Hannah stated honestly.  “Do you agree to September?”

“I do,” Olivia confirmed.  “Call me whenever you’re ready to get started.  I’ll be here, and I was hoping to give you some time to work on some songs for me anyway.”  She studied Hannah intently, tilting her head and smiling again.  “And if you ever need an ear to bitch into, I’m good at that, too.  I like to think of myself as Switzerland when it comes to other people’s problems.  I’ve had more lovers than I can count on both our fingers, so I’ve been there, honey.  You let Livie know if you need anything, ‘K?”

Hannah snorted a humorous smile.  “Sure, Livie.  But I’m not sure you’ll have a solution to this problem.”

Olivia arched a perfectly, thinly plucked eyebrow.  “Oh, do tell, sweetie.  There’s one thing I like, and that is a challenge.  Tell me what’s going on.”

Hannah bit on her lip, but eventually, she scooted a chair up to the little woman and told her everything.  How she’d fallen in love with Justin, how he was so damn stubborn about falling in love with her, that they lived too far apart, the date last night, the way she almost blurted out her feelings, the sex bargain, Josie, the Kirklands, her mother showing up, her father dying, her lost dreams in California...she even told Olivia about how she used to stalk Luke’s Facebook page.  It felt great and enlightening to get it all off her shoulders and onto someone elses for a while.  Olivia listened patiently, never so much as batting an eyelash at any of it.

“I do say,” Olivia said once Hannah wound down.  “You have thrown yourself into the pickle barrel, haven’t you?”

Hannah nodded, sighing with the weight of it all.  Her shoulders were lighter, but not completely unburdened.  There was still too much going on in her life.  “I’ve got an idea on what I’m going to do, but if I tell Justin, he’ll start fighting me.”

“Hmm,” Olivia said.  “That man’s got it bad for you, dear.  But like most men I’ve known, you’ve gotta tie a string around his neck to lead him into your way of thinking.”

“I can’t do that,” Hannah said.  “It’ll just push him further away.  He was duped by his ex-wife.  He won’t stand for it again.”

“No, you’re right, he won’t,” Olivia confirmed as though she’d known Justin her whole life.  “And you’re not the type of woman to do such a thing.  I saw that right off.  You’re stubborn and set on getting what you want, but you’re not going to hurt someone to do it.  I like that about you.”

The two women sat there for a few moments in silence, contemplating their own thoughts, until Olivia burst out with a gawf.  “I would have never guessed you were Lawna’s daughter.  You look like her but you’re not like her at all.”

Hannah sat up straight.  “You know my mother.”

“Knew your mother,” Olivia corrected, smiling at Hannah’s frown.  “Honey, I know or have known everyone in show business.  Your mom did some soap opera stuff back a ways, didn’t she?”

“I guess,” Hannah said, growing uncomfortable with the thoughts running through her head.  Things were getting stranger and stranger.  Small world kind of strange.

Olivia nodded, deep in thought herself.  “I remember her as being a go-getter, too, but a lot less picky about how she got it, you know what I mean?  Sometimes, I felt like she was trying to hide some profound pain behind her ambition.  Never spoke of a family, though.  Can’t really see her as a mother, either.”

“That’s because she wasn’t,” Hannah retorted.  “She left me and Daddy when I was two years old.  I saw her once in California, but that lasted only as long as I could kick her out of my life again.”

Olivia’s dark eyes settled on Hannah.  “Profound pain...yes...I see it in both of you now.”  She uncurled herself from her chair and stood up.  “Okay...here’s a solution, dear.  You keep on doing what you do.  Let the rest of the world come to you.”

Hannah stared at the little woman.  “That’s it?”

“That’s all you need, sweetie,” Olivia said, grinning.  “You’ve got something that most women in this world wished they had.  Charisma, and it comes naturally to you.  And I’m not talking about how beautiful you are, or how talented.  I’m saying that you don’t have to be anything but who you are inside, and the rest of the damn world sees it, and they want to be a part of it.”

Hannah rolled her eyes.  “Yeah, well, send that memo to Justin.  He’s got the only thing I want.”

“You want his love, not just his attention,” Olivia surmised.  “That’s only natural.  Everyone wants to be loved.  We can make people pay attention to us, but we can’t make them love us.  You, however, don’t need to make anybody do anything.  He’ll love you, just give him time and yourself.  It’ll happen.  I can see it in his eyes when he looks at you.  Don’t compromise who you are, because then he won’t want you.”

“Well, that doesn’t change the fact that we live a thousand miles apart,” Hannah moaned.  “He won’t come to me and he won’t let me go to him.”

Olivia waved at Hannah’s objections.  “Honey, he’s already come to you.  When you offered him sex, you stepped away, and he came back.  When you told him about coming here to meet me, he came with you.  He knows you're the woman for him, and he’s not going to let you go.  Take another step back, babe...then see what happens.  He’ll come running.  I promise you that.”

Hannah mulled it over.  She’d pretty much figured she needed to go her own way and see what happened.  But she didn’t think that Olivia would tell her the same.  She trusted Olivia’s opinion, since she was correct about so many things already, so Hannah decided to trudge on with her plans.  She’d take a step back.  It was up to Justin now.  She’d done more than her part.

With her mind settled, she and Olivia discussed the contract for few minutes.  Olivia said she’d include Hannah’s conditions in it and send it to her to sign when it was ready.  She walked out to the front room, her shoulders squared and lighter, and the pretty receptionist there grinned.

“I’m Joyce.  And you must be Hannah.  Livie’s been going wild about you.  Did you sign the “Sheet” yesterday?”

“I did,” Hannah replied.  

“Great!  Now, Olivia will stop hounding me to find more contact numbers for you,” Joyce said.  Hannah smiled and went over to the space on the wall where she and Justin wrote their names.  Well, actually, she wrote them.  Justin hadn’t been too happy to leave his mark here.  Almost like he didn’t want anything to do with Raw Studios and Olivia Williams, but that was too damn bad.  Because she was going after everything, and he was part of everything.  And he would just have to deal with his feet running after her.

She grabbed a marker and scribbled a big, bold EVERYTHING under Justin’s name.  Then she took a step back and studied the writing around hers.  Fascinated by it all, she moved along the wall, reading what she could decipher.  Then Justin opened the front door and stepped inside.  His eyes looked dark and dangerous.

She smiled.  He came running.

“I thought I might find you here,” he said.  “Did you do it?”

“Yes, I did.”

“Why didn’t you wait for me?” he asked.

“Because I wanted to do this myself,” she answered.  Purposefully, she took a step back...and grinned to herself when he walked over to her.

He placed his hands on her shoulders, and she marveled at how they weighed.  Very comforting with lots of potential.  “You look about as smug as the cat that ate the canary,” he murmured.  “What happened?”

“Nothing,” she said.  “I was just waiting for you.”

“Well, I’m here--”

“Yes, you are.”

He drew his eyebrows together, studying her bemused expression.  “I’ve already checked out of the hotel.  We have the whole morning together before heading back.  What do you want to do?”

“Hmm...I think I want to go shopping.  Get something for Josie.”

“She’d like that,” he said, still wary of her happy-face.  Then he sighed and cupped her chin.  “I thought you left me.  When I got out of the shower and you were gone...if you hadn’t left all your stuff, I might have been a little more worried.”

She curled her fingers around his wrist and leaned into his touch.  “Don’t worry,” she said quietly.  “I won’t go far.”

*****

The drive back home was filled with less nervous energy as before.  As Justin drove and listened to the radio, Hannah’s head began to fill with lyrics, something that she’d missed.  Writing songs had always given her more gratification than singing, and she was only too pleased to have that desire again.  She grabbed her notebook from her bag and began working on a song, one she bemusedly titled, “A Step Back.”

She hummed along, hearing the music as she wrote the words, and soon, Justin turned down the radio’s volume and smiled at her.  “That sounds nice...sing it to me.”

“I’m not done with it,” she said, scribbling another line.

“Is it a song you’re gonna give to Short and Pushy?”

Hannah rolled her eyes at his petulant nickname for Olivia.  “Maybe.  She’ll get a kick out of it, either way.”

“Why is that?”

“No reason,” she shied away from his inquiries, but the man was stubborn to his very fenced-off core.

“See...now, you’ve got me all curious-like,” he said, glancing over at her and leaning to take a peek at her words.  Hannah tilted the notebook away and told him to keep his eyes on the road.

So, he exited the interstate, and stopped on the shoulder.  “Come on...show me.”

“Why do you care so much?” she asked, honestly curious of his insistence.

He blinked as though she was dim-witted.  “Because I care about what makes you happy,” he said carefully.  “And I’m fairly sure I said I wanted to share this part of your life.”

Hannah refrained from sighing.  Here was the beginning of another argument, but she figured by stepping forward with her questions, she was actually backing away a little.  “I’ll be working with Olivia on songs for the next year at least,” she stated.  “And after you go back to Georgia, then I’ll still be working on songs.  Do you still want to share this part of my life when that happens?”

He looked like a rat that had been cornered by a hungry alley cat.  “Why can’t I share what you have now, instead of getting into the future again?”

“Because,” she quipped.  

“That’s not an answer.  That’s the kind of answer a mother gives her son when she’s tired of giving answers.”

Hannah flashed her teeth at him.  

“Oh...I see,” he said, and pulled the truck back onto the road.  “In other words, shut the hell up and mind my own business?”

“No,” she said, turning back to her notebook.  “That’s a ‘Take only what you’re willing to keep’.”

And with that, he clamped his mouth tight and said nothing else.  Hannah peeked at him through her lashes.  His jaw muscle was ticking and his knuckles were white around the steering wheel.  He turned up the radio again -- louder than before -- and drove, keeping his eyes on the road before them.  Hannah felt her heart crack, because she didn’t mean to upset him, but he couldn’t have it all.  Not without making an effort.  She was willing to make the effort, but not at the sake of her pride.

By the time they pulled into Conway, Hannah had finished her song and was making notes about the music.  Her eyeballs ached from concentrating, and her fingers were beginning to cramp.  Home was a welcome sight.

She packed away her notebook and smiled at Justin.  “Thanks for coming along, but I know you’re eager to go see Josie, so...”

“I have a few minutes,” he said, getting out.  Hannah let out a breath.  In truth, she wasn’t trying to step back this time.  She wanted some time to herself for a while.  Not that she didn’t enjoy having Justin with her -- she loved him, but after two days of his presence, she kind of missed her privacy.  She had a lot to think about.  And she wanted to put her new song to the guitar and see if it sounded as good that way as in her head.

She pulled herself out of the passenger side and glanced at him, but he was frowning at her neighbor’s house, Mrs. Beale’s.  Her elderly neighbor hobbled out onto her front porch, her cane shaking wildly in one hand and her other hand was pressed against her weak heart.  Hannah panicked when she saw Mrs. Beale’s pale face.

Heart attack?  Oh, god, no!

Hannah raced across the yards and up Mrs. Beale’s front step.  “Are you okay?”

“Oh, Hannah, honey,” Mrs. Beale breathed out, her eyes wide and alarming.  “You’re home.  I couldn’t find your cell phone number.  Your mother was here.”

Hannah jerked.  “My mother?  She was here?  When?”

Mrs. Beale trembled and Hannah led her over to a rocking chair on the front porch.  “Please, sit down, Mrs. Beale,” Hannah said.  “Would you like some water?”

Justin hovered nearby, and when she looked at him, he nodded, moving into Mrs. Beale’s house.  Mrs. Beale sighed and closed her eyes, calming herself.  “Oh, honey...I thought I had seen a ghost when she showed up this morning!  I’ve been worried sick about you.”

“About me?” Hannah asked.  She told Mrs. Beale two days ago where she would be, because Kim was supposed to come over and check on Teddy, and Hannah didn’t want Mrs. Beale to call the police on Kim.  

Mrs. Beale patted Hannah’s hand.  “Oh, the horrible wreckage that woman did to you and James,” the older woman said emotionally.  Justin exited the house with a tall glass of iced water and pressed into Mrs. Beale’s hands.  “Thank you, dear,” she said and sipped.  Some color came back to her cheeks.  “I told her you weren’t home, but she wouldn’t listen to me.  Your car is still here, so she thought you were ignoring her.  She was very agitated, insisting that she talk to you.  I think I finally scared her off with a promise to call my son-in-law.  He’s a policeman, you know.”

Hannah smiled, wondering again about the coincidences between meeting Olivia and Olivia knowing Lawna.  “Yes, I know.  I’m sorry she upset you.  I saw her last weekend, but I hoped she wouldn’t try to contact me again.”

Mrs. Beale’s eyes suddenly saddened.  “She didn’t look so good, dear.  I think she might be sick.”

“Well, don’t worry anymore,” Hannah told her.  “I’m back, so if she shows up again, I’ll deal with her.  Come.  Let me help you inside.”  Hannah assisted Mrs. Beale to her feet and held her elbow as she led the older woman into her neat house, settling her in her chair in front of the television.  Justin stayed on the porch, and Hannah could hear his footsteps echoing back and forth across the wood planks.

After a few minutes, Mrs. Beale was acting her normal self again, and Hannah stayed with her little while longer, telling her about her trip to Memphis and making sure she was okay before leaving.  Hannah promised to check on her again that evening and left Mrs. Beale engrossed in a talk show.

Justin stopped his pacing when she closed the front door behind her.  “You’re not staying here alone,” he said, brooking no argument in his voice.

“I can handle my own mother,” Hannah said, moving down the porch steps and into her own yard.  There she picked up Josie’s present and her handbag and headed toward the back of her house.  Justin followed at an angry pace, hauling her suitcase and guitar case with him.

“I don’t trust her,” he said.

“Neither do I,” Hannah replied.  There, on the steps of her back porch, she saw a note stuck under a rock -- “Hannah, I know you are avoiding me, but we need to talk.  Mom.”  And she sighed as she crumbled it before Justin saw it.  But she was too late.

“It seems to me she’s not going to give up,” he said.  “You shouldn’t have to face her alone.”

Hannah unlocked her door, not wanting to get into this with him.  Her mother was her problem.  And she would face her problem when the time came.

“Come back to the farm with me,” he suggested, laying a hand on her elbow.

“I won’t hide,” Hannah said.  “This is my home, and I won’t be forced out of it because I have no desire to speak to someone who’s dead to me.  If she comes back, then she comes back.  I will handle it.”

“Then let me go get Josie, and we’ll stay here tonight,” he offered, planting his feet in her kitchen.

Hannah dropped her stuff in a corner and rounded on him.  “And what about tomorrow?  Or the next day?  You plan to live here just so you can protect me from my own pain?”

He shifted, but his eyes bore down on her.  “If need be.”

She shook her head and left him standing in the kitchen.  Teddy heard her voice and was chittering loud enough to warrant some loving attention.  Hannah cooed at her baby as she picked up her guinea pig.  “Hey, sweetie...did you miss me?”

Teddy nuzzled her nose in Hannah’s hair and Hannah rubbed her chin over Teddy’s soft fur.  Justin filled the doorway to the study.  “You need a dog,” he said.  “A big one, makes lots of noise.”

“I don’t like dogs,” she murmured, cuddling with her pet.

“Well, you need something to protect you better,” he said.  “If she shows up again...”

“She’s a fifty-five year old woman,” Hannah explained.  “It’s not like she’s gonna be a big problem to get rid of.”

“She’s unstable,” he countered.  “What kind of sane woman leaves her family the way she did?  She hurt you, Hannah, and I won’t allow her to do so again.”

Hannah stared at him.  “You realize how asinine you sound right now, right?”

“Because I don’t want to see you hurt?”

“No, because you say one thing, that means one thing, but then you say something else, that means something else entirely.”

“Now, you’re the one not making sense,” he said, moving closer to her.

She shrugged and cradled Teddy in her arms as she walked back to the kitchen to find her baby a carrot snack.  “It makes perfect sense to me.”

“Is this about me going back home?” he asked.

Hannah raised her eyebrows and tipped a sly grin.  “Bingo.”

“So, I can’t care about you while I’m still here?”

“You can do whatever the hell you want,” she said, opening the refrigerator and pulling out the veggie drawer.  “You will anyway.  But you shouldn’t say things that suggest you’re here for the long-haul.  It’s very confusing.”

From the corner of her eyes, she saw him shove his fingers through his hair.  “Dammit, Hannah...why do you have to keep bringing this up?  I don’t know what to do about any of it, and I hate fighting with you about it!”

She stood up and allowed Teddy to nibble on the carrot stick.  Calmly, she said, “I’m not fighting with you.”

“No, you’re not!” he groused.  “And that’s just as bad!”

“I really wish you would make up your mind,” she said.  About everything.  “Either you want me to fight with you, or you don’t.  Either you want to keep me safe, or you can’t.  Either you accept it all, or you don’t.”

His eyes narrowed to a mere glare.  “So, that’s how it is?  The ultimatum, finally?  I thought better of you, Hannah.”

Hannah sucked in a breath and let it out.  The more she thought about it, the more he had a point.  They’d only been seeing each other for a week.  Things were moving fast.  She was already in love with him -- she started down that path long before they started sleeping together, but it did seem more and more like a rushed relationship.  It was time to really step away and slow things down.

“I’m not giving you an ultimatum at all, Justin.  I won’t do that to you.  But you have to admit that all we’re doing is walking circles around the issue.  Right now, this is the gray area.  But the solution is black or white.  I’m willing to stick to the gray for as long as you are, but in the end, we’ll have to choose one direction or the other.  And you were right about us getting so close so fast.  I never wanted you to feel pressured.  I know what I want out of all this, and you say you’re still trying to figure it out, so we’ll leave it at that for now.  We’re both stuck in the middle until one of us budges.”

“You mean me.”

“I mean we’re stuck,” she clarified.

“Fine,” he huffed.  “We’re stuck.  Great.  Wonderful.  That still doesn’t change the fact that I don’t want you here alone when she comes back.”

Hannah left the kitchen to put Teddy back in her cage.  “Nor does it change the fact that I’m a grown woman who can take care of her own personal issues.  Besides, Mrs. Beale has her son-in-law on speed dial.  If my mother makes enough ruckus, then half the police force will come blaring down this street.”

Justin followed her back to the study and stopped next to her desk, scowling at her because he knew it and she knew it -- he was losing this argument.  Then he saw the blinking light of her answering machine.  He smashed the play button without permission, and Lawna’s voice carried over the small speaker box, “Hannah...pick up the phone, please.  I know you don’t want to speak to me or see me, but we must talk...Hannah?  Please, baby...pick up the phone...”  There was a sigh, and then, “Okay...but I’m having surgery next week.  I need to speak with you before that.  I’ll call again later.”

The automated voice time-stamped the call at Wednesday afternoon.  There were three more messages after that, similar in script, but growing more and more unsettling in tone.  The last call came in just that morning, around seven.  Apparently, Lawna decided to come to her house for a personal plea after that call when Hannah didn’t pick up.  Justin stood stock-still as they listened to the messages.  His eyes never left the red glare of the machine until the last one finished.

“Unstable,” he repeated, moving his gaze to Hannah.  “Can’t you hear it, Hannah?  You shouldn’t be alone with her.”

A tendril of fear entered her body after that last call.  Justin was right, but she wasn’t about to tell him that.  “I can handle it,” she said again.  What was so damn important that her mother had resorted to nearly terrorizing Mrs. Beale?  She left!  Years ago, and that was the end of it all!  There was nothing Lawna could say that would make the last twenty-eight years forgivable.

Justin pulled her closer to him, placing his hands on her shoulders, resigned defeat in his eyes.  “Okay...I’ll go, but if she does show up, you will call me, right?”

She barely stopped herself from rolling her eyes.  “Yes, I’ll call you, but I don’t see how it will make much difference.  By the time you get here, I’ll have her gone.  Unless...oh, no you don’t!  Don’t even think about camping out on my street in your truck,  you hear me?  Mrs. Beale will surely call the cops on you.”

He actually smiled at that.  “I’m not thinking anything of the sort,” he said.  “I am eager to see Josie, so I will go back to the farm.  But I can be here within ten minutes, so you call me if there’s any trouble.”

“Okay, I’ll call you,” she said, leaning into him.

“Promise?”

“Of course,” she said, and he tipped her chin up to kiss her.  It was a sweet kiss, but not very passionate, and for a moment, she feared that all this backing up was backfiring.  Then he opened his eyes and threaded his fingers through the hair above her ears, caressing her, petting her, warming her, and he moaned.

“Hannah...you’re driving me crazy, you know that?  I miss you already.”

“It’s not like you’re going a million miles away,” she said, silently adding yet.  “It’s just out to the farm.  I’ll see you tomorrow, right?  When you bring Josie to the store?”

“But I liked waking up with you in my arms,” he said softly.

“Maybe you’ll get another chance at that before...”

“Before what?” he asked tersely.

Not having any desire to rehash the same old argument -- sometimes she felt like he was Gustafuson and she was Goldmen from Grumpy Old Men, and they were still feuding over no one knew what -- so Hannah replied with, “Before too long,” and gave him another kiss to send him on his way.

Then she unpacked, scrubbed the kitchen and bathrooms, washed the bed linens, and did just about everything she could do to keep from peeking out the window every time a car passed by.  Her mother wasn’t going to give up.  Olivia said it best -- “...a go-getter, too, but a lot less picky about how she got it...”

What would her mother do to next?

*****