Promise Me (Book One of the Kirkland Family)

Promise Me: Chapter 22

Chapter 22

Justin was here to watch his daughter sing, not gawk at the woman sitting beside him, so that’s what he did.  Though it was damn difficult.

Crap...sorry, God, he apologized silently, truly not meaning to curse right now, even in his thoughts.

But Hannah was making it damn difficult.  He’d only gotten a glimpse at her while the lights were dimmed, and...Heaven help me...she looked beautiful.  She was beautiful.  More so now than he’d ever seen her.  More than seeing her in TerrorTown, in that skimpy bikini.  More than when he listened to her singing on the videos with Josie.  More than when he gazed down at her face while she battled back from one of his kisses.  More so than when she welled with love and affection for his daughter.

And it wasn’t the dress, or the hair, or the perfectly applied make-up.  It was her.  Her hazel eyes widened when he sat down next to her.  Her glossy lips had parted.  Her cheeks were rosy and glowing.  Her perfume drifted in delicate wisps, tangling him in another one of her spells.  The warmth of her body next to his held him in his seat just as effectively as his daughter up there on the stage singing songs of praise and worship.

His two weeks away from her had only fully kindled his desire.  He thought he’d be able to handle seeing her tonight.  He thought he could harden himself to her charms and her beauty and her bewildering sweetness, and be able to talk to her indifferently about what had happened between them and that it won’t ever happen again.  But he’d been wrong to ever assume any man could withstand Hannah Baker.

She was an enchantress when she smiled.  She was a siren when she sang and spoke.  She was a thief who had stolen his very defenses, and she was an angel sent to save him.

And he was the idiot who seriously considered letting her.

But none of that took away from another angel up there on stage, singing aloud and smiling happily at him.  He’d only been mesmerized by a song once before, the first time he heard Hannah sing back at her high school graduation.  And now Josie’s voice compelled him.  She truly had a gift.  That was his daughter up there.  His!  He’d never experienced such bubbles of pride inside him as he did then.  Even when she’d been born and he held her for the first time.  That day, over thirteen years ago, had been the standard for so long.  Now, she’d surpassed that sense of joy and honor.  She’d become a glory, a brilliance beyond all that he’d known and thought possible.  That little girl up there -- that beautiful young lady had discovered her own happiness in this world, in spite of a mother who didn’t love her, in spite of a family that had split apart, in spite of his anger and bitterness at his ex-wife and divorce...in spite of all the pain and heartache and her own suffering...Josie was happy.

And he was proud to be her father.

As the choir finished the fifth song, a sweet, stirring rendition of “Holy, Holy”, he heard sniffing from his left.  Hannah wiped at her eyes and dug through her purse for a tissue.  Justin never hesitated to pluck the handkerchief from his breast pocket and hand it to her.  He saw his dad do the same for his mother.  Hannah murmured, “Thank you,” and their fingers grazed.  Her breath caught in her throat, but she tugged the scrap of linen out of his fingers.

“She’s wonderful, isn’t she?” he asked bending down low to whisper in her ear.

“Yes, she is,” Hannah whispered back, her voice throaty and husky.  “Her solo is coming next.”  And then she dipped her head to further put some distances between their faces.  Justin frowned at that.  

She’s mad at me.

Who can blame her?  a second voice said in his mind.  The last time you talked to her, she told you she wanted to be loved…and what did you do?  Nothing.

What woman wouldn’t be upset?  He’d avoided her like the plague after that, effectively and clearing announcing that she wasn’t worthy of receiving any kind of attention from a man.  He’d acted like the jackass she accused him of being once upon a time.  Or twice, or...hell, he couldn’t recount all the times she’d called him that.  And now, he knew it to be true.  He’d been a bitter, angry jackass.

Again, he prayed to God to forgive his cursing thoughts, and prayed that Hannah might one day forgive him.  She was worthy of love…Justin was the one who wasn’t.    No woman would ever love him.  Not with the emotional problems he had.