Promise Me (Book One of the Kirkland Family)

Promise Me: Chapter 36

Chapter 36

Justin worried about Hannah all night.  He couldn’t shake the feeling that something bad was about to happen, something that would make their relationship even more strained than it was.  It was bad enough that Hannah had been acting weird since their date -- talking to Olivia alone and accepting that contract, and then the odd behavior whenever they began to fuss about their future together.  She kept that determined glint in her eyes, and he couldn’t help but wonder what it meant.  Their time was drawing to a close.  In a little over two more weeks, maybe another, if he could get someone to cover for him in Savannah that much longer, then he’d have to say goodbye.

A month, total, with Hannah, tops.  A month to know that she was exactly the woman he wanted, but he couldn’t commit to anything without one of them sacrificing something.  One month...when he needed about eight.

On Friday morning, he drove Josie to the farm store and together they searched for the lady owner.  Seeing her frowning over a clipboard in a back corner while she took inventory, Josie skipped over, slid across the linoleum floor and blurted out, “Hannah!  Did you have fun in Memphis?  Daddy said you bought me something!”

Hannah’s eyes blinked as her mind changed gears and she lifted them Justin.  “He did, huh?  Can’t keep a secret for anything, can he?”

Justin leaned an elbow on a rack of gardening gloves and sighed.  “He did, and I guess he can’t,” he answered smoothly, and Josie grinned wider.

“Well?  What is it?” Josie asked shrilly.  “The suspense is killing me!”

“It’s something every thirteen-year-old girl should have,” Hannah replied.  “I wish I had one when I was your age.  Actually, come to think about it...I'm not sure they made them when I was your age.”

Josie bounced up and down.  “Come on!  Where is it?”

“In my office,” Hannah said, laughing.  

Josie squealed and dashed away from them.  A few seconds later, they heard, “No way!  Oh, my god!  No freaking way!”

“Told you she’d like it,” Hannah told Justin, who grunted and said, “Yeah, but I’m the one who has to listen to her.”

Hannah said, “And you’ll love every second of it.  She’s got a great voice.”

“Yes, she does,” he said.  “If she didn’t, I wouldn’t have let you buy it.”

Josie ran back and crashed into Hannah with a great big hug.  “Thank you, thank you, thank you!  I’ve wanted a karaoke machine for about as long as I’ve wanted a guitar!”

“It also plugs into your computer so you can record yourself,” Hannah said, returning the hug and closing her eyes with love for that girl.  Justin’s chest expanded at the sight.  They were both so precious to him.  Then Josie was gone again.  The sound of ripping cardboard came out of the office.

Justin pushed away from the rack and walked closer to Hannah.  “I figured she wouldn’t wait until I got her home later.”

Hannah smiled up at him, picking up the clipboard she dropped with Josie hugged her.  “We’ll be working to all kinds of music today.”

Justin moved a little closer and peeked over a row of shelves to the rest of the store as a fast-paced pop song started up.  They were practically alone, and he hadn’t touched or kissed Hannah in over twelve hours.  The suspense was killing him, too.

“You didn’t call last night,” he said quietly, or rather loudly to be heard over his daughter’s singing.

“I didn’t have a reason to call,” Hannah said.

“So, no unwanted visitors?  No more phone calls?”

“Nothing.”

“Good.”  He crowded her behind a cardboard display of spray nozzles and bent down to tenderly kiss her, lingering on the corner of her bottom lip where she liked to bite down.  “Now, have dinner with me tonight...me and Josie, since I already feel guilty about leaving her for two days.”

Hannah bit down on her bottom lip.  God, he loved it when she did that, and he pulled that lip away from her teeth with his own mouth.  Hannah moaned and leaned into him.

“You have to stop doing that,” she whispered.  “We’re in public.”

“Like anyone would care,” he said, nibbling his way to her neck.

“I care,” she said, and gave his chest a gentle push.  He sighed and backed out of the corner before he did more than kiss her.  “So...I’ll pick you up around seven?  Or is that too late?

“That’s perfect.  It’s a date,” she said.  He caressed the side of her face one last time before turning around and heading out the door, but at the end of the aisle, he felt an urgency again, because even this goodbye was torturing him, so he snapped at the air and pivoted on his heel again.

“Oh, one more thing,” he said coming back to her.  Her eyes widened as she said, “What?”

He plucked the clipboard from her arms, tossed it on the ground again and hauled her up for one last kiss.  And it was a hot one.  Their lips fused and their tongues danced, and her hands fastened to the back of his neck as he lifted her off her feet, her toes dangling by his shins, and it was that first kiss all over again.  Justin felt the magic wrap around them, cloaking and bundling them together like a ribbon on a Christmas present, and the beast inside him, long sated from their many bouts of lovemaking this past week, snarled to life again.  Hannah began to tremble and whimper deep in her throat, hanging onto him and his kiss for dear life.  

Justin didn’t know why this kiss felt different, but a part of him began to snap, crackle and boom as he heartbeat thundered against his ribcage, pumping red-hot blood to every crevice and pathway in his body, supplying his nerve endings with an electrical numbness and peace and tranquility...and something a little more potent than fondness for this woman.  

He was reaching for something...right there, right at his fingertips...love her, you jackass...

A throat cleared loudly behind them, and they broke the connection of their mouths.  Justin peeked over his shoulder, hoping that wasn’t Josie standing there, since his daughter knowing about them and seeing them kissing like this were two very different things -- but he could still hear her singing in Hannah’s office -- and there stood Mark, instead.  Justin started getting annoyed with the man again.  He used to like Mark, but they were in public, and there was another man with Mark, staring at him and Hannah with shocked, curious eyes.  

Mark gazed between Justin and Hannah for a moment, as well, before saying, “Sorry...we just need, um, a bottle of hummingbird nectar...”  Justin grabbed one from the shelf next to him, not letting go of Hannah since her head was lolling against his chest, and tossed it over his head.

“I guess that one will, uh, do,” the other man with Mark said hesitantly as they moved away, and Justin looked down at the woman in his arms, brushing the hair back from her cheeks.  She blinked up at him, hazy and confused in a trance while licking her lips.  

“Are you okay?” he chuckled, still reeling himself from that scorching kiss.

“I...I need to sit down,” she moaned.  Her knees buckled and she slid out of his embrace, crumbling to the floor in a swooning heap.  Justin caught her before she fell backward and hit her head.

“Whoa, there,” he crooned, crouching down next to her.  She grinned inanely at him and mouthed, “Wow.”

Wow, indeed.  It pleased him immensely that he could still do this to her.  The last few kisses they’d shared did not have this effect on her, and he was beginning to think that their times together were jading them.  But no.  He could still make her weak with a single kiss, and that pleased his inner beast as well.  To him, it meant there was something greater at work than a simple physical attraction between them.  It meant there was something more than passion, something more than lust, something more than...more than he was ready to name, but Justin finally recognized that there was something more...something right there...

All those panic attacks he experienced whenever she walked away from him, all those nights he could hardly bear to be separated from her, all those explosions in his chest when she smiled or laughed...all those disturbing sensations when she was sad or angry or hurt...

He’d felt similar reactions to his daughter, but these for Hannah were slightly different, slightly more mature, slightly more peculiar, and completely contrary in that they were full of blissful torture.  He gazed at her lovely face and green-gold eyes, and he’d never felt this way about a woman before in his life.  Not with Beth, not with that chick from that nightclub, not with his neighbor woman back in Savannah who’d been hinting at a friendlier relationship with him, or any other woman who’d shown interest in the past.  

She wanted him to love her...how so easy that could be.  Loving her was like breathing.  And he was beginning to turn blue from lack of oxygen, holding his breath like a child on a tantrum.  And sooner or later, he’d have to breathe again.  There was no help for it.  No stopping it, but there was no changing the facts either.  

They were circling around the issue...round and round they went, until they both fell down.  Hannah wanted to stop, face it head on, and make a decision, but he wasn’t ready for that.  He was still trying to circle around and look at everything from every angle.  Which, honestly, was not usually his style, but this time, he couldn’t jump ahead and make another mistake.  He had to know that his -- their decision -- would be the right one.  

Mark appeared behind them again now that his customer was gone, and said, “Maybe you two should take this to your office, Hannah.  Before I start selling tickets to boost our profits.  Josie singing into that machine in there can be the opening act.”

Hannah waved a lazy hand and said, “Oh, poo, Mark!  I caught you and Kim in the back of the delivery truck the other day.”

Mark turned a dusky burnished color.  “It was after hours.  I’m not putting on a spectacle in the middle of the work day.”

Hannah giggled and tried to stand, but ended up on the floor again, giggling harder.  “You’re right, of course,” she said, trying to look somber and completely failed.  “I should be more discreet in where I’m thoroughly kissed.”

Justin chuckled and helped her to her feet.  “I guess I better leave so you can get some work done,” he said.  

“Okay,” she nodded, unsteady and swaying.  “That might be a good idea.”

“A smart idea,” Mark mumbled to himself, but loud enough that both Justin and Hannah heard him.  “That old geezer about had a heart attack, seeing you two.”

Hannah shot her co-worker a frosty look.  “You’re an old geezer.”

“And you’re too old for a chaperone,” Mark retorted, but he smiled at her.

“And I’m leaving,” Justin said, making sure Hannah wasn’t going to fall down again.  She patted his arm and stepped back carefully.  “I’ll be back to grab Josie around four and then see you again tonight.”


“Okay,” she said again and bent down to pick up her clipboard.  When she rose up, her eyes dazed as though her head lost all its blood, and she giggled again.  “Wow...you really know how to kiss, Justin Kirkland.”

Mark snorted, and Hannah smiled at Justin before thrusting her clipboard into Mark’s stomach and saying, “I think I’ll go...do something,” and staggered drunkenly toward her office, reaching her hand out for support on a shelf as she moved around it.  Justin and Mark were left staring after her, shaking their heads in unison.

Mark sighed heavily.  “Maybe she won’t work on payroll today.  The last time you distracted her, she gave me an extra zero on my paycheck.”  Then he turned to Justin.  “But I’m glad to see her truly happy.  You take good care of her, or I’ll have to kick your ass.  Or better yet, dig up her dear old papa and let him do it.”

Justin eyed Mark for a moment, recalling something that Hannah once told him.  “You and her dad go way back, right?”

“We were the best of friends,” Mark replied, narrowing his eyes.  

“Did she tell you her mother is back in town?”

Mark blinked, his face draining of its ruddy complexion.  “Lawna is back?”

“Yeah...apparently, she’s dying of a brain tumor and wants to make amends with Hannah about some things.  She’s been trying to get a hold of Hannah for the past three days.  Scared the mess out of her neighbor.”

“Lawna’s dying?  Dear God...”

Justin recognized pure shock on Mark’s face.  “Do you know why she’d want to hunt down Hannah after all these years?”

Mark shook his head, gathering his composure again.  “No.”

Something odd about the way he said that one word struck Justin.  “If you were such good friends with her dad, then surely he told you something.  What kind of woman just ups and leaves her family like that?”

Mark turned and walked away.  “I’m afraid I don’t know why,” he said over his shoulder, moving outside, off the porch of the store and around to the side of the building.  Justin followed.

“You’re about a bad of a liar as Hannah,” he said to Mark, watching the older man move over to a truck, open the passenger side door and pull out an old, crumpled pack of cigarettes from the glove compartment.  He lit one quickly, his hands shaking, sucked two drags and finally turned to Justin with a grim expression.  

“I quit smoking three years ago...damn.  Thank you, Lawna.  I’m bumming from Ted now.”

“What the hell is going on?” Justin asked.

Mark gazed off past the parking lot and let out a breath.  He sat down on the step bar of the truck, in the open door and studied the smoking stick between his fingers.  “I can’t tell you.”

“Then tell Hannah.  She needs to know why her mother is suddenly so interested in getting chummy again.”

“I can’t tell her either,” he said quietly.  “Especially her.  There’s a whole lot more to the story than just a woman disappearing into the blue yonder for nearly thirty years.”  

“Is it going to hurt Hannah?”

Mark turned his scrutiny to Justin.  “Yes.”

“Then don’t tell her.”

“It won’t matter,” he sighed heavily as though the world was about to crack open and he couldn’t do a damn thing about it.  “If Lawna is back, and if she’s really dying...then she’ll tell Hannah everything sooner or later.  Goddamnit!”  He looked at Justin.  “It’s been twenty-seven years.  I’m surprised it took her this long.  Jesus!  I hope you’re all you seem to be, because Hannah’s going to need you once her mother is finished with her.”

“Why me?”

“Because she’s going to need someone who loves her--”

Justin opened his mouth to dispute that, but Mark held up his hand and said, “Now, wait a minute before you start arguing that fact.  You may think you’re not, or you’re not ready, or any number of things to keep your neck away from the hangman’s noose, but I was married for twenty-nine years before my wife passed away on me, so I know what a man in love looks like, so don’t think to pull any crap over my eyes.  Either way, Hannah’s going to need you after Lawna gets ahold of her, so all I’ve gotta say to you right now is, Suck It Up.”

Suddenly, Justin wished he’d kept his mouth shut.  All he wanted to know was why Hannah’s mother was up to and now he was right back to that samn damn circulating problem. It was never ending.

Mark puffed on his cigarette a few more seconds before putting it out.  He stood and moved his mouth around below a pair of gold-green eyes, clearly debating on what to say next, and then he pulled the corner of his bottom lip between his teeth...and Justin’s heart stopped beating.  No!

“Sonofabitch,” he breathed out, staring at Mark for a very long time...really staring at him....

Mark blinked and frowned grimly.  “You finally figuring it out?”  He barked out a sour laugh.  “Of all the people, it’s you who’s figured it out.  But I guess if you’re going to help Hannah through this, then you should be prepared for what’s coming....”

“No...stop,” Justin said quickly, foolishly thinking that if Mark didn’t say it, it wouldn’t be true.

“Too late.  The real story...,” Mark began slowly, and Justin had the impulsive urge to cover his ears with his palms, but he didn’t.  He stared at the other man, waiting...dreading.  “...is that James was not her real father...I am.”

*****

Hannah staggered blissfully to her office as Josie started singing a Kelly Clarkson song.  It was a favorite of Hannah’s, and she couldn’t help singing along with the girl, even though her limbs were still shaky from Justin’s kiss.  Man, he’s gotta bottle and patent that kiss of his!  There would be Justin Junkies all over the world!

Josie coaxed two more songs out of Hannah, and then they hopped into the Gator to go see Kim.  Hannah hadn’t gotten the chance to thank her friend for taking care of Teddy while she was in Memphis, so visiting the greenhouses seemed like a plausible reason for shirking her inventory duties that morning.  They found Kim hiding in her tiny supply room, the door cracked just enough for the blonde woman to peek out of.

“Is Mark with you?” she asked, seeing Hannah and Josie approaching.

Hannah frowned curiously at Kim.  “No.  Why?”

“I don’t want to see him until after my doctor’s appointment.  I got it moved up to today because I need to know,” Kim said.  And Hannah slowly nodded as cognization hit her.  Right.  The second doctor’s appointment.  The one that would clarify Kim’s supposed pregnancy.

Hannah glanced at Josie, and the girl rolled her eyes.  “I know, I know...you two got secrets and I need to go away for a while, “ Josie said.  

Hannah flipped over the Gator’s keys to Josie.  “Take it for a spin.”

Josie’s eyes grew wide.  “Really?  I can drive it by myself?”

“Don’t crash into anything,” Hannah said as Kim moved out of the supply room, peering anxiously around a rack of plants.  Josie took off, so easy to bribe.

“Are you okay?” Hannah asked Kim, who was white faced and kept popping her knuckles with nervous energy.

“I took one,” she whisper, looking back at Hannah now that she was sure Mark wasn’t anywhere’s around.  “I couldn’t stand waiting, so I went out and bought a home test last night.”

“And?”

“It was positive,” Kim said, and Hannah wasn’t sure whether to congratulate her or comfort her.  The pensive light in Kim’s eyes wasn’t much of a clue as to how she was feeling about it.  Then Kim said, “So I went out and bought another test.  And that one was negative!”

Hannah blinked.  “Oh.  Um...so what did you do?”

“I went back and bought a double pack,” Kim replied slumping on a large overturned terra cotta pot.  “But by then, I couldn’t make myself pee anymore, so I drank about five gallons of water between now and then, and now, I can’t stop needing to pee.”  She squished her thighs together.  “Took those two this morning, both positive.”  In any other situation, Hannah might have found the whole thing hilarious, but Kim didn’t seem to be in a very happy mood.

“You’re really worried about this, aren’t you?” Hannah asked, sitting on the ground in front of her friend.  She felt bad.  In the last week, she’d been so obsessed with her own problems, that she forgot all about Kim’s.  

Kim looked down at where Hannah sat and brought a fingernail up to her mouth, nibbling it down to the quick.  “I know I’m getting old and all,” she began, “but I really, really want a baby...this baby, if this is a baby.  I’ve been thinking about it all week.  And I started getting hot and cold flashes every time I thought about it, and then I’d think that I’m not pregnant, and I’m just menopausal, but then I’d see one of those Huggies commercials, and before I know it, I’m going through the baby stuff at Target.  I even have a baby crib picked out...and the colors for the nursery!”

“And you’re hiding from Mark because you think he won’t want the baby -- if it is a baby?”

“No, I’m hiding from Mark because if he sees me, then he’ll know something’s up.  I’ve been avoiding him all week, and I’m not ready to tell him yet.  I need to know for sure first, because if it's not a baby, I don't want to get his hopes up, and if it is a baby, then I need to know that I can do this without him if he doesn't want anything to do with it, but he wouldn't do that, would he?  He'd want the baby, right?  Surely, I didn't fall for another jerk again.  Mark's not like that.  He's a good man.  He'll be very happy about the baby.  I know he will...right?” Kim's breathing steadily got faster and faster.  “Oh, god!  I’m starting to hyperventilate again.”  She dropped her head between her knees, and Hannah sighed, rubbing Kim’s back.

"Even if Mark isn't as happy about being a father again, you won't have to do this alone," she vowed.  "You have me."

Kim hiccupped.  And Hannah nearly bit her tongue as one realization hit her.  If Mark didn't want to support the baby -- if Kim really is pregnant -- first, Hannah would kick his ass, and then she'd really have to make a decision...her best friend, who would need her, or the man she loved, who couldn't seem to make up his mind about anything.

"I'll tell you what," Hannah said, pushing thoughts of Justin aside.  "How about I come with you to the doctor and then we'll go out for ice cream?"

Kim lifted her head and peered through strands of honey-blonde hair.  "You'll come with me?  Really?"

"You're my best friend, Kim," she smiled.  "Of course, I'll come with you."

"What about Josie?  Her dad won't let her stay here without you."

Hannah smiled wider.  "We'll bring her with us.  She can be our alibi if anyone asks why we're all going.  We'll just say she needs to get some literature about menstrual cycles or something.  Mark wouldn't even question beyond the initial 'why' after that."

"And if she asks why I'm there?"

"That's up to you," Hannah said.  "But I think you can trust her not to say anything.  Chances are, she's already figured it out."

"That you're pregnant?"

Both Kim and Hannah jumped at Josie's voice.  The girl giggled and plopped down next to Hannah.  "It wasn't hard to figure out," she said, sticking a piece of gum in her mouth.  "You're going to the female doctor...twice in the same week, and you're keeping something a secret, and you're jumpy about something, so you're either pregnant or you've got breast cancer or something, but you're smiling too much to be sick."

Kim gawked, and Hannah snorted, "See?"

“You won’t tell Mark, will you?” Kim asked Josie pleadingly.

“Are you kidding me?” Josie said with a grin.  “This is too much fun, watching you guys.  Adults are funny.  Ya’ll can’t figure out anything, can you?”

Hannah and Kim frowned at her like twins.  “What does that mean?” Hannah asked.

Josie shrugged.  “Eh...You can’t decide if you’re happy about having a baby -- I mean, come on, it’s a baby!  Who wouldn’t be happy?  And Mark can’t decide whether he should stick around here or retire and stop hovering over Hannah all the time, but he feels obligated to her, and Daddy’s tearing his hair out over Hannah, and Hannah’s going to bite a hole in her lip one of these days, and two guys in the warehouse are fussing over the same chick they met one weekend at the lake.  The only person who’d kind of got it all figured out is Chad, but he’s not sure if taking Daddy’s job is the right thing to do, but he’s gonna do it anyway.”

Sometimes, the girl just plain amazes me, Hannah thought, staring at Josie, who glanced back and forth between her and Kim.  “I pay attention,” she answered their questioning gazes.

“If you were an adult,” Kim asked Josie, leaning closer to the girl, “what would you do?”

“Me?  Gawd, don’t even talk to me about having a baby,” Josie said, rolling her eyes.  “Daddy’s got his eggs all scrambled over me knowing how a baby is made.  Personally, I think you’re worrying too much about it.”

“I’m forty-six,” Kim exclaimed.  “And Mark is fifty-nine.  We’re too old to be having a baby!”

“Really?  Forty-six?  Wow.” Josie said, tilting her head to the side so that her blonde ponytail swung over her shoulder.  “You don’t look forty-six.”

Kim stared, stunned, and then swept Josie up in a big hug.  “You are the sweetest child!”

“Hey,” Hannah grumped.  “I said that, too, and I didn’t get a hug!”

Kim pulled her into the three-way embrace as well.  “Oh, you two!  You’re both right.  I’m worrying too much.  But I can’t help it!  I’ll be fifty-seven when the baby is ten, and Mark will be seventy, and we’ll be really old with he or she finishes high school!  I may never get to see my grandbabies!”

“There you go again,” Josie said, muffled by Kim’s arm.  “Worrying.  Stop doing that.  Your baby will be loved, no matter what, ‘cuz you’ve got family, don’t you?  Family is the best part about growing up.  I should know.  I’ve got a great family...here, at least.”  Josie added that last part in a slow, sad tone.  It nearly broke Hannah’s heart.

However, she nodded along with Josie’s mature advice.  “Family, Kim...you’ve got family everywhere.  And you’re young at heart.  You take care of yourself, and I know that Mark will be ecstatic about another baby.”

“God, I hope so,” Kim sighed, letting them go.

“When is your appointment?” Hannah asked.

Kim looked at her watch.  “An hour.”

“Great,” Hannah said, climbing to her feet.  “I’ll go straighten up some stuff in my office and let Mark know we’re leaving for a while.  Then we’ll be there with you when the doctor makes you a momma.”

Josie rose to her feet with a slight smile.  “I thought Mark did that.”

Hannah slapped her arm.  “I think you shouldn’t think about it.  You’re too young to know all this stuff.  It’s scary weird.”

“Yeah, well...that’s what happens when I’ve gotta look all this stuff up myself because Daddy gets sick to his stomach whenever I try to ask him.”

Hannah draped her arm around Josie and led her out of the greenhouse.  “Come on, you.  Let’s go get a few things done.  Did you crash the Gator?”

Josie handed over the keys.  “No...but it’s out of gas.”

Hannah stopped walking.  And closed her eyes for patience.  “You sure your Daddy’s not tearing his hair out because of you?”

“I’m sure,” Josie grinned.  “I just give him headaches.”

“I bet you do,” Hannah said, and they walked back to the store.

*****

Two hours later, after a long wait for the results of the test...it was official.  Kim was pregnant.

*****