After the rain

Like fire

Empty. That's it.

Everything's empty.

And boring. And lonely.

The room was empty, the house was empty, even the sky above him was empty. His head felt hollow.

Let him go.

He wanted to let go. He was gone, but he's everywhere. He couldn't let go. He just wished Felix heard the way he was thinking of him right now.

Jesus, when had he become so... vulnerable? Was he a cry-baby? He didn't cry, hadn't cried before, but he felt so weak and unstable right now that he felt ashamed of himself. A certain ginger-haired boy constantly sat in his mind and blocked everything else to come to his mind. Only him. Only.

Let him go.

What is wrong with you? Let. Him. Go.

Changbin gripped his hair, burying his face in his palms and pressing his eyes shut. He wanted to blend all those inward voices, that were screaming at him, out of his head. Hyunjin's departure hurt, but Felix... he didn't expect Felix to leave. And he didn't want the ginger to leave. In less than three days he felt like he had lost everything. It's not that he had had a life before, no. Before, he had given Hyunjin all the money of his robberies and stood hidden. That's not a life. At least not one he wanted. Right now, he wanted Felix.

What if the boy hadn't made it out of the forest safely? What if he was attacked by some creep, or even worse, by some killer? Sort of him wanted the younger one to live happily. However, the thought of Felix being with someone else than him, loving someone else than him, made him crazy. He wanted to be better, if he just had been better to him. He regretted letting him leave. He regretted falling in love with this stupid, pretty, clumsy boy. He regretted saving him somehow, regretted taking care of him. Hell, he regretted this whole damn life. And the thought of meeting Felix again as a different person, in a different time, as a different character, didn't leave him alone. If he had been somehow nicer, maybe Felix would have liked him more. Or, had it been his looks? Changbin didn't take care of himself too much, so he looked more average than handsome. Apparently, he had never really thought about the way he looked. It was somehow enough to make both, Hyunjin and Felix, fall for him. However, the love he had received had disappeared just as fast as it had come.

And here he was. He was the looser. The idiot. The loner.

Of course, he had thought about going after Felix, stopping him before he made it to the civilisation and out of the forest. He could have locked him inside the basement again. He could have him forever down there and take care of him. However,... would that make him happy? What if Felix didn't turn into a mindless doll again? Now, that his legs were healed, or almost healed, he didn't know if the younger one still fell for his sweet talk and tricks. Probably not.

What could he do? He needed to do something! Felix wasn't coming back, neither was Hyunjin. Changbin was all alone by himself now, thinking, not thinking, probably thinking so much his head started aching after a little while that felt like an eternity.

He got up. Just to sit down again. Time passed, sometimes slow, sometimes fast. He couldn't register it anymore. And with sudden panic of staying all alone by himself he got up once more, storming out of the house. He couldn't bear it. He couldn't let him go. Because Changbin was a selfish person. Aimlessly running and breathing as if he ran a marathon, Changbin finally got to the little path, that led out of the forest. Who cared if anyone saw him? Who cared if he went to prison? Who cared if he was sentenced to death? As long as he saw him just one last time. One last minute with him, one second was enough. He just needed one more hug, maybe he could ask for one more kiss even. As he ran, an old couple came across and eyed him suspiciously, but Changbin didn't care. One last glimpse. One last thought wasn't enough, he wanted to see Felix again. He wanted to remember all his freckles, all his lashes and the colour of his eye brows and his eyes of course. In this whole half a year, Changbin had never taken a closer look. All those things he wanted to see and remember. He wanted to remember how those tiny hands felt, when they were clenching to him, pulling him closer to a taller body with large shoulders and a muscular chest. Never had he realized how much he melted into Felix's hugs.

He wanted to curse, scream and shout out his name. Lee Felix. What a pretty name. Why had he let him go?

A second later, his view got black for less than a second, something knocked the air out of him and made him see stars even as he basically flew back, landing on the ground harshly. Damn, that hurt. Changbin slowly got into a sitting position, before he made it onto his feet again, patting the dust and the dirt off his clothes and looking up, gaze a little furious as he looked at the person who had ran into him.

"Don't you have eyes?" he asked annoyedly, he had so many things to do. However, as he caught the person right in front of him, he froze. His heart dropped. "Only for you." The ginger smiled widely at him.

Changbin felt his world turning and spinning for a second, before he caught himself again. He was not hallucinating, he was not insane yet. "Hyung." Hyung. "You look pale, are you okay?" Yes. He didn't know if he was crying, he only knew that he had never felt so relieved in his entire life. "Hyung? Are you not happy to see me?" Changbin huffed at that, letting his head fall, and a single tear escaped his eyes. He wasn't someone who cried easily. However, this was something new. Something he wished for, and came true as well. "Yes..." he breathed, wiping his arms over his face to dry the tears away. "Yes, I am happy." Felix stepped closer, standing right in front of him. "I missed you. I wanted to come back." Said Felix with his attractively deep voice and Changbin realized how he had never noticed how much he actually loved this voice. "Did you come back for me? Or did you decide to take a run?" what an idiot. Changbin inhaled, reaching out and grabbing Felix's arm gently, pulling him towards him and into a hug. "I came because I couldn't take it without you." He finally said it. Felix seemed surprised as well, smiling widely and patting the older one's hair. "Good boy!" he shouted a little too loud, but Changbin didn't mind and huffed into the younger one's chest with a smile on his face. "I miss you." He whined, but he didn't feel embarrassed for it. He needed Felix to return. "Let's go for a walk." Felix said, pulling away slightly and Changbin missed the warmth the second it left his side. "I've never told you, right? I love taking walks!"

The sun was right about to set. It was quiet by now, only some syrens ringing from afar. However, both of them weren't scared that it would find them. They sat on the shore to a lake, much larger than the one in front of Changbin's house. As they had returned, Changbin had opened all blinds and opened all windows. Because Felix loved light. Now, the younger one leaned his head comfortable on his shoulder, watching the bright crimson red light shining over the water as he linked their hands. "Hyung..." he asked after a while. "What is it?" how he loved him. "Can I ask you something?" what a dumb question. "Go on." He cheered for the ginger, holding his hand up to Felix's face and shielding his eyes from the sun for him.

"Are you a bad person?" Asked Felix, eyes filled with curiosity, even though he already knew the answer. Changbin inhaled sharply. "Depends on who you ask." He didn't expect the younger one to suddenly sling his skinny arms around his waist and pull him closer, just gently pressing his tinier frame to his own warm body. "If you asked me, I'd answer you're a good one." Felix buried his face in the older one's neck and Changbin felt himself becoming sweaty. He could feel the ginger's calm heartbeat rhythmically thudding softly inside his chest, giving him some sort of safe feeling. How did he even deserve someone as pretty, intelligent and gentle like Felix? Softly, he caressed over the younger's silky ginger hair, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "I want to stay with you." Mouthed Felix. "But I'm scared where we'll end up." His phrase faded away, and for the first time ever, Changbin felt like Felix's child-like thinking didn't annoy him. No, it made him think about it as well. Also, for the first time ever, he didn't answer with something the younger wanted to hear, but something he really thought inside his head.

"Who knows where we'll end up, I just hope I'll be with you."