A Marauder's Guide to Falling Apart

Chapter Twenty Four

He was awake when she opened her eyes. His arm was around her protectively and she was half sprawled across his body, head tucked into the crook of his neck. He squeezed her in tighter when he realized that she was awake.

"Good morning," he said hoarsely. He sounded tired.

"Morning," she replied quietly.

Marlene felt a little guilty. When she had woken him during the night he had already looked like he was lacking in sleep. And then she had ambushed him and kept him up for a few extra hours. But they had had a lot of catching up to do, and she couldn't recall him protesting.

"So are you going to explain last night," he sounded humored.

"I think it was pretty self-explanatory," she joked. "Or do you need further demonstration?"

She could feel his smirk from where she was cradled into him. It was a comment Sirius worthy, and he was silently appreciating her wit.

"I'm a slow learner," his voice was low and husky. Marlene could tell that his mind was wandering elsewhere from his initial intended conversation. It made her feel warm and her hand danced across his chest teasingly.

"I hardly think that's true," she laughed and then wiggled her body so that she could see into his face. He was smirking at her; eyes wandering from her eyes, to her lips, and settling lower. Marlene didn't blush as he admired her, but she did tap his cheek lightly with her palm to recapture his attention.

"Sorry," he said, though he definitely didn't sound sorry. Then his face turned serious. "Are you okay?"

"Not really," Marlene leaned her head back into his neck and he wrapped both of his arms around her. "I've been a mess lately."

"I'm sorry Marlene," he was quiet. She felt his body tense slightly underneath her before he continued. "I know that things have been strained between us lately. I don't even know what's going on in your life anymore."

"I feel lost Sirius," she could feel the tears beginning to form. "I don't know what I'm doing with my life."

Marlene delved into her thoughts, not sparing to hold anything back other than her promise to Dumbledore. She told him about training, feeling inadequate within her studies and her place with the Order, about her failed attempt with Tom only the day prior, and finally revealing the conversation she had had with James. She ended with that in the event that the conversation turned sour, but she was pleasantly surprised when he didn't get angry as the topic rolled over to Patrick.

"You could have just asked me," Sirius sounded a little irritated. "You didn't need to ask James. I'm your boyfriend."

"Yes and you're always so testy where Patrick is concerned," Marlene pointed out. "I was scared to bring it up."

She could feel Sirius's body sigh and she wriggled away from him again to sit up and look down into his face. He had a slight frown drawn across his forehead but his face relaxed almost immediately when he noticed that she was looking at him.

"I should have said something sooner," he finally admitted. "I should have explained why I didn't like him when you first told me about him last year. Honestly, I never expected him to become a part of your life, and you never told me how much you were around him. I should have told you that night at Lily and James's when I found out he was your preceptor, and that I worry about him hurting you."

"I don't think he would hurt me," Marlene replied but Sirius was quick to cut in.

"Look, I'm not willing to get into a fight over this. I can venture to guess that he acts differently around you, and I'm not going to pretend to think he's somehow changed. Deep down I believe he could be dangerous. And in light of keeping my promise to not keep secrets from one another, I have something to share."

Marlene's fingers fidgeted with the hem of the blanket nervously. She couldn't explain why she suddenly felt nervous; perhaps it was her own guilt at not being able to share what Dumbledore had revealed to her and specifically requested her to keep from Sirius.

"I've been following him the past month," he said without expression. Marlene had to let the words process for a moment before she felt her mouth fall open.

"You've what?" she couldn't be certain whether or not she sounded angry, surprised, or curious. Perhaps it was a mixture of all three.

"Ever since you told me that you've been spending your days alongside him. I decided to follow him and figure out if he's up to anything shady."

"And?"

"Nothing," he seemed disheartened as though he wanted to have found Patrick doing wrong, but of course Marlene suspected that to be true. "I'm not convinced that he's absolutely clean, Marlene. I want you to be careful around him."

She didn't want to argue with him over it. She still had a difficult time believing that Patrick would cause her harm, but she appreciated James and Sirius's concern for her well-being. She couldn't particularly blame Sirius for trailing Patrick, she just wished that he would have informed her when he decided to do it. She voiced this to him.

"You're right," he frowned. "Right after I promised no more secrets. I didn't think it would take me so long to dig something up on him, and the longer I dragged it out the worse I felt about telling you. I never intended to keep it from you; I always planned to let you know."

"What matters is that you're telling me now," she smiled at him.

"I won't pretend to be okay with you being around him," he eyed her wearily. "But I will try to refrain from making a big deal out of it. I know that it's a work thing, and I trust you completely. I just don't trust him. Promise me that you'll be careful?"

"Of course," Marlene promised. "I only have this one week left and then I'm onto my next rotation."

His eyes definitely lit up when she revealed this to him.

"We might have to celebrate that then."

"You would want to celebrate that," she laughed at him and he offered her a mischievous grin.

Her promise to Sirius to be careful around Patrick was one that she truly believed she could honor. It would be a much easier promise than the one she had made with Dumbledore. The guilt brewed within her at the thought of keeping something so important from him. So long as Dumbledore continued to request her discretion she would never be able to be completely honest with Sirius. However, she knew that Sirius also placed his duties to the Order on a pedestal and would understand why she had to do what she was doing. Or at least, she hoped.

But her mind was too occupied on guilt, secrets, and everything that was not Sirius. She didn't want their time together to be wasted on discussing Patrick any further, and leaned in to kiss him instead.

She could think of much better ways to spend the day.  

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