Ten Years Later (Eruri)

3. Back to heaven

Erwin .

6:00 AM again . Time to wake up again . Go to work again . Do it all over again .

It's like everyday I slay a titan but when I wake up the next morning , the titan is back and I have to do it all over again .

Keep fighting .

I drink the coffee from my expensive coffee machine and put on my fancy suit and shoes . I leave the house and enter my expensive car , bought just to show off my social and financial status , greeting my personal chauffeur who will take me to work .

I try to make myself look healthy when in reality I'm not . Even the smell of that coffee makes me sick but there's no other way to wake up after barely sleeping two hours per night.

The tie is a very tight collar . The suit is a cage . Nothing more than a costume for the role I'm playing. The model business man , with a desperate hunger for money and nothing else . As if money is all I wanted ...

Still , it was me who chose to wear the collar.

Now I can't take it off.

For ten years . Ten long years I had to fight every single day . Ever since I was 16 and my poor parents from Maria sent me to a privileged high school in Sina , I didn't want to let them down . I wanted to make them proud so I fought every day . I studied like a maniac and managed to be the best in everything I did .

Just when I thought the titan was finally slayed , it became ten times larger when I entered the best college in Sina . The it got even bigger when I started my job .

Keep fighting .

I enter the building and I'm respectfully greeted by subordinates . I take the elevator to my office on the top floor as my luxury watch just hits 7:00 AM .

They don't respect me . They respect the image of the perfect boss that needs to be flattered and kissed in the ass everyday . The ascending motion of the elevator makes me weak and claustrophobic . My watch is a handcuff , chaining me to the corporate world , reminding me that time is flying by . Days , months , years ... and something is still missing .

It was me who chose to wear the handcuffs .

Now I can't take them off .

Everyday I'm working my ass off without any result . Without any satisfaction . Nothing makes me happy anymore . I can no longer fool myself with fake smiles and passionless lovers .
I want something real .

I'm tired . Ten years I waited for a break. My body is protesting . My mind is revolted . I feel like I've been abusing them for too long . Now it's their turn to treat me the same way .

"Mr. Smith , is everything in order ?"

I can feel all my senses slowly leaving , my vision is getting blurry . I can hear something but it's very vague , my mind can no longer decipher it . My body no longer feels like it belongs to me and I'm losing contact with reality .

Slowly , the stiff image of the hallway is flooded with tiny multicolored dots moving at very high speed in front of my eyes , my assistant's voice is replaced by a high pitched noise that's burning my ears and breathing becomes impossible.

It seems my body decided to take that break I waited for and finally let it go .

Let someone else kill the titan today .

I've been defeated .

_________________________________

I wake up with natural light shining in my eyes and a warm feeling . It's reminding me of the days when all my mornings used to be like this , making me feel like a child again . Making me feel like reality and my normal life are far , far away . Just like a bad dream . Like all my worries suddenly disappeared . For the first time in so many years , I feel relieved .

I remember letting go . Leaving my problems behind and putting a stop to all that the madness . I gave up .

I ... died ?

Is this Heaven ? It must be ... well ,  it's too nice to be Hell . But ... why ? I've been a selfish person all my life , I only cared about money and I stopped believing in God a long time ago ...

As my vision adjusts , I'm able to see the angelic face that's watching upon me . It's ... someone who I thought I'll never see again . Someone who I should have searched for while I was still alive , but didn't . As soon as I see his beautiful face , I realise this is definitely Heaven .

It must be . I lost contact with him in real life a long time ago . I abandoned him . I left him for a better life just for myself . Only after so many years have gone by , I realise I made the wrong decision . Now , if I could , I would leave this "better life" just for him .

" I always knew you were an angel ...
I don't wanna be apart from you ever again ."

"You won't be... Cause I'm never leaving you alone again. 
Never letting you get in this state again . I always thought you were doing great but look at you ! You seriously need someone to take care of you. "

"...What ?"

"You fainted , Erwin .  Malnutrition , sleep deprivation , depression , what is this ? I came here to see you , not to attend your goddamn funeral ! " My angel starts to cry before my eyes as he grabs my hand and squeezes it tightly .

"Wait , I ... didn't die ?" Is there a possibility that this is ... Real? Did God give me another chance ? Am I alive ?

"You ... I really wanna slap you right now but I'm too happy to see y-"

He finds himself suddenly trapped in a tight hug.  This is the real Levi . It's really him . After all this time ...

"Sorry . I'm so sorry for everything ..." Levi came back to me ? After everything I've done ? After ten years he still remembered me ?

"Shhh. Don't worry about it . What happened in the past is not your fault . I never blamed you ...but I really missed you . "

"Me too ... " I wish I could say more , Levi , but I'm getting really sleepy , probably because of the medicine. 

I have so much to say , so many things I want you to know , so many versions of my confession to you that I worked so hard on elaborating and choosing the perfect words for , thousands of imaginary conversations with you  I had in my apartment , millions of words I had to describe your beauty ... they all become hazy as my mind is slowly drifting away . All I can remember is a short resume of it all.

"I love you , Levi ."

Thanks for reading <3