Shooting Star [FINISHED]

With you, it was always different

What is the best way to know someone? Introduce yourself. Those are my words, more or less. Did it work? To others yes...but definitely not to her. I knew her way back in college but we were never an acquaintance. We just knew then that each other exist but not to the point of having to talk to each other. We never have any common friends back then either.

It was when we were working that I was able to talk to her. Like really carry a conversation. She was with one of my college friends in their department. The weird thing was she acknowledged me before I even introduced myself to her.

"He was a schoolmate in college. Didn't know we'll meet here." Those were your first words. "Nice to meet you again, Blake." These were the first words you uttered to me.

We got along just fine since then to the point that we see each other even on weekends. You were easy to get along with. I can drag you everywhere. We can go classy then street after.

I talked to you about my exes. I even cried to you about the recent break up. You saw me cried like a boy while getting myself dead drunk. It was the first time someone did not stop me when I drink and that literally got me freaking curious. My old man said to save a little sanity whenever I drink. My mom will say the same thing. Chai, the girl who was the reason I want to get dead drunk at the first place, often scold me whenever I drink and our fight will last from 3 days to a week.

I told you everything I felt...it was until after sometime that I realized that things kind of change.

It was one of those company dinner that we always have every month. You, me and the rest of the team went together to the restaurant the company rented right after we finished our weekend report. It was funny how on earth that we ended up alone when we were about to go home. I was nervous because I knew way back then that I will definitely tell you something that is bothering me for quite a while. I never got a chance to say though.

While I was walking you home, I saw how everything seems normal yet you are always surrounded by dark clouds. Clouds I can't even distinguished if they are mere fogs or something I can not penetrate. Those words I practiced for weeks just vanished instantly. I wasn't able to say it to you.

That is until our Sagada trip. I was sitting at the back of your seat. The whole van was so noisy because we chatted as if we were not tired of work. But then, when everyone fell asleep and you put your headphones on, something struck me as you listen to that song that keeps on repeating over and over.

You don't know but at that moment, I saw something when you looked outside the car window. I got so scared. Very afraid. I saw that face before...when I was just a young teen.

Those blank stares as if you are in trance but at the same time your eyes are crying...the deep sighs and the uncomfortable position you have when you sleep...the unpredictable changes in your appetite...your sudden cravings for a lot of sleep after your insomnia hits you for days. I saw them all before...

But then you realized that I was staring at you, your face suddenly switched to a happy one. My worry was confirmed when I borrowed your phone during our lunch. It was bad, I know, but when I saw your browsing history, my suspicion was supported.

Between lunch and dinner, i tried very hard not to get noticed that I was looking at you - guarding you. I don't know what to say because every moment that I thought I noticed but didn't pay attention to was suddenly repeating in my mind.

That night, when I saw you unnoticeably walked out of the room to 'get fresh air', I followed and tried to talk to you. I saw your face panicked and right then, I realized you knew what I am up to.

"You can't always be there Blaike...even if you want to. I can not put you in the situation were the cloud covers me entirely. It won't matter whether you are there or not."

Your words hit me so hard. Even in your situation, you still try to protect my emotional state when you lost. But, there was something I wasn't able to tell you.

I already committed myself to be there, whether you like it or not...whether you knew or not. I am still praying that God and destiny will be on my side this time around.