Shooting Star [FINISHED]

There's gotta be more than what it is

I have never been this undecided in my life. All that I am now are all part of my plan. Although there are few detours, everything are still from what I planned it to be. I never regret any of the decisions I made even if it took me awhile before I get here. I thought I am gonna stay this way for a long time.

It was only later that I felt so unsure in my life. Not exactly my life but a part of it. When I first told this with someone, they told me that I just like the chase. Because I was not getting what I wanted that's why I craved for it more. I believed them then. And I even accepted defeat for the first time in my life. I just told myself that it is just another detour that I must go through. But it was not the case every time I am alone and go to bed at night or wake up in the morning.

Just like last night. I just came from watching a funny film with a couple of office friends of which we ate afterwards. Everything was fine until I got home and walked towards the shower. My thoughts flew straight to were she was. I never got any message from her for the past 7 days. Not once. Not one hi or hello. Not even a blank message. Not a single "seen" in any of the messages last week. I was so tempted to call or ask any of her 'friends' in the social media but I didn't. She doesn't want me to be so clingy to her. She might feel the pressure of talking to me if I do that. And that could mean losing her forever.

Her heart and mind is fragile at this moment. I wish I can help her but I don't know what to do. I want to see her but she gets tired of going out alone. I want to go to her place but I do not have any idea where. And even if I do, she might not like it. I know how she value her safe haven. She said that it is the only place she can recharge. It is where the problem seemed to be easy. Yet, once she put one foot out, her heart and mind gets too overwhelmed again and the feeling is slowly crawling back.

This morning, I woke up so tired thinking about her. My uneasiness vanished when I saw her message. Not in social media or Viber but thru text. She doesn't like to text but she did...for me.

~Thank you...I am feeling okay. You don't have to worry.

~Will you let me know if ... if you don't?

~I won't be a push over. I just want to be there even if I am here...

~I won't judge. I...it will be okay if you just update from time to time

~Am I being a reason for your uneasiness?

~Only when we don't talk or when I don't hear any from you...

...I

~I don't worry about you alone. and you know I am no knight in shining armor

~you are definitely not bothering me because of this...

~I don't have anyone to talk to also...like this...

~thank you...I will try...

~same here Raia. always...

I want to send that message to her. Instead, I said 'my pleasure' which pretty sums up our conversation....our irregular conversation. Conversing with her makes my heart relax, relieved or even energetic. I just prayed that someday, somehow she can rely on me too to lift some of her worries...worries that keeps dragging her down.