r e d e m p t i o n

m a s k o f f

twenty seven
I'm usually pretty good at putting on a mask, I mean I do it all the time,
if anyone ever suspects something's wrong, I shut them off with 'I'm fine'.
But today I was really struggling, and I couldn't find it within myself to force another smile.
It's exhausting to keep up with this persona and I don't want to live in denial.

But knowing that wasn't an option I braced myself for another day.
Feeling myself getting agitated, hoping it'd go away.
Everything was going wrong, I could feel myself about to burst.
Emotions rushing to the surface, preparing myself for the worst.

But then I saw someone staring, like they could see right through me,
Sensing something was wrong they walked right to me.
After a long pause they said, 'Are you okay?'
I had been asked this question many times before but there was something about the way in which they said it that made me feel like they actually cared what I had to say.
Struggling to keep myself together I could feel my insecurities on display.
My walls were crumbling down, I had a lump in my throat,
My eyes were tearing up as I clenched on to my coat.

My mask was my safety net - it helped me get through each day
The only thing I could rely on, to cover up the hurt and pain
and now my safety net was gone, I couldn't find the right words to say
cause how do you tell someone you're hurting, that you can't remember the last time you were okay.
I couldn't get myself to shrug it off, I couldn't get myself to lie
I couldn't force myself to put on a smile, not this time
I couldn't make up some silly excuse, cause in this moment it didn't feel right.
So I did the only thing I could, I broke down and cried.

They looked at me in a way no one has ever looked at me before,
They saw me with my guard down, the me no one ever saw.
They saw the bruised, the ugly, every humiliating flaw,
And despite all of it they accepted me, and wanted to know more.

They didn't try to fix me but listened and gave me the choice,
and I didn't want to run away this time, so I gave my problem's a voice.
I talked and talked and talked, tears rushing down my face,
and they listened patiently and gave me a safe space.
No judgement, no pretence just love and support,
and through communication and patience we built up a rapport.
I had no idea how free it would feel to just get it off my chest.
After months of it building up inside me, I could finally release and rest.
Out of all the ways of dealing with it, who knew communication would be the best.

For the first time in a long time, I finally felt okay
Like I was heard and validated, like my feelings were justified in some way.
That it wasn't my fault and I had no reason to hide.
If I just let all the anger out eventually the pain would subside.
The burden inside would offload and I'd feel a lot lighter,
My perspective on life would change and the world would become brighter.

See the thing is we didn't just talk, we connected and engaged.
they opened themselves to me and made me feel safe,
so I'm extending the kindness further and hoping to do the same,
I'd like to ask anyone who's struggling right now, are you okay?