Ice To Meet You

Love-heat relationship

"I would like you to leave." My heart feels heavy and I need a moment—or like a lot of moments to figure out my feelings. I just—I am not okay. What he did was not okay, I know that but if I yell at him like I want to, he might think I am crazy or worse—overreacting. Am I being overly dramatic for wanting to rip his head out and serve it to the dogs?

"What happened?" Is he for real? As if he doesn't know.

"Liam, leave now." I raise my arm and point to the door. I officially don't think today can get any worse than it already has.

"Why?" He closes the distance between us and his face is right next to mine—he genuinely looks perplexed and I want to punch him in the face.

"Are you seriously telling me you have no idea why I am pissed at you?" The nerve.

"I have no idea why you're pissed at me but you look sexy as fuck right now." He says as he squeezes both my cheeks together with his hands. My lips form a pout and he places a soft kiss on them.

I place my hands on his shoulder and push them away.

"I need some space from you, Liam."

"Mia, this is me. You wanted to know my darkness so you can trust me. This is it."

"How is you telling me that you fucked two women the same night that you held me going to help me trust you?"

"Don't you get it?"

"No, I don't."

"I was with those women and I still came back to hold you at night." That makes absolutely no sense. Does he think he did me a favor by coming back to me after whoring around?

"Oh, thank you so much. May I write you a letter of appreciation?" He is looking at me like I really should be doing that. Is he insane?

"Mia look at it from my point of view." I don't think I can— even though I am genuinely trying. Can you?

"Do you want me to be obliged that The William Kent came back to tuck me to bed after cheating on me all night?"

"No, you make it sound all wrong."

"It is all wrong!" I yell and he throws his hands up. How dare he be exasperated by me, that is an emotion reserved for me after his confession.

"We were not together, so I did not cheat on you for one and two, I was with those women and I still wasn't happy. I was just not feeling it, which is why I came back to you."

I hop out of the kitchen slab and walk to the main door of my apartment. Open the door and wait for Liam to get the fuck out. I have had enough of him mind fucking me and turning my life upside down. I just want to climb into my bed and forget all about him.

"Mia you're overreacting, I don't understand what the big deal is here." He roars.

"Maybe you can think about it on your ride back home."

Without sparing another glance at me, he storms out of the door. I am drained, tired and hurt. Today is too much to process—I just need sleep. I collapse on my mattress and wait for the exhaustion to lull me to slumber.

The alarm wakes me up at exactly 9 a.m. My head is hurting and my legs feel soar, I snooze for 9:15. At 9:15 I feel worse, so I lay in bed till 9:30. I have an email from Amanda asking me to meet her in her office around noon. Fuck her and fuck Substance, I don't bother replying. I finally make it out of bed by 9:45 and my head feels woozy. I want to stay in and forget my interview at 11.

"You have bills to pay." Inner voice reminds me.

"And Liam to cry over," inner bitch reminds me of the one thing I haven't been able to forget.

I scroll through Instagram—okay fine, his profile. There is a video of him giving some kind of inspirational speech that I don't click on. For now, I can't hear him. It will just wretch me further.

I climb out of bed and grab a protein bar. I need to order some more. It's so awkward not being at work.

I hop into the shower and let the hot water numb my pain. I close my eyes and all I can picture is Liam fucking two women. Except in my imagination, it's Amanda and Sophia fucking him as I watch. I know I can open my eyes and instruct my brain to stop creating scenarios that will never happen but the pain I am causing myself feels cathartic. I turn the hot water up and think of all the ways he fucked those two women. Did he wish I was the one watching? Did he think of me at all? Where do we go from this?

I wish I knew the answer to any of these questions. He hasn't texted me. What hurts me most is the lack of apology in his voice as he casually told me about it. Doesn't he realize the impact of his deeds on me?

"You weren't together Mia," Inner voice reminds me. But that doesn't mean I didn't like him. That doesn't excuse his sense of entitlement.

I slip on my blue jeans and a white tee-shirt. To spice the outfit, I borrow Hannah's neon green sock boots. Of course, I get the job. They urgently need a bartender and although I did mention I don't have much experience, they want to try me out for tomorrow. I won't be alone, behind the counter there will be 2 other men who will be making the drinks. I have a demonstrative training 2 hours before my service begins and even though this isn't my dream job, it's the only job I have and I will make the best of it.

Like a mature regular person, I should be saving my pennies but I am a millennial, so I go to Sephora and buy a full face of makeup I am too lazy to wake up early to use.

Although my work hours will be from 7 p.m. to 3 a.m. Who needs a normal routine anyway? The money is similar to what I was offered at Substance, which tells me it is the lowest you can get in New York. Since I am not from New York, it's enough for me. I really can't complain just yet. The manager of the bar was kind. I know this isn't my dream but dreams are just that sometimes—dreams. Or worse they come true and one day you wake up and you're in the middle of a nightmare. I am better off sticking to reality.

Reality is safe.

Men who like threesomes are not—one man particularly.

I walk back home and the walk does nothing to clear my mind. I still feel like somebody just twisted a knife in my heart and I don't know how to get it out. Can the same person that broke your heart be the glue that holds it back in one place?

It's almost 2 by the time I open the door to my apartment and there is still no communication from Liam. Until he comes back with a heartfelt apology, I will not make a move. I will not text him first. I will not be the girl that is weak enough to accept disrespect from a man. I might not be everything all the other women around him are but if I am not enough—I can't do much about it. I can't and won't be the one watching as he fucks other women. I will not share him like that.

I won't even be okay with a threesome. What'smine is only mine and if that makes me a selfish person then I am okay withbeing that.