Ice To Meet You

What if I can't?

Even though I know he doesn't—it still hurts.

"Did you really think jumping in front of a car would magically make him fall in love with you? You need longer than a minute to fall in love with a puppy and you are no golden retriever." Inner bitch reminds me.

"You know that's hurtful right?" I point out the obvious.

"I am just being honest Mia," he shrugs his shoulders as he says those words. Brushing away any responsibility he might have to protect my feelings. I hate when people say something mean and then brush it off as 'I am just being honest.' Why can't your honesty be compassionate? Why can't you be honestly kind or honestly nice? Is it impossible to be honest and still remain thoughtful? This culture of being blunt and cutthroat leaves me with a bitter taste in my mouth.

"Why bring up something for the sole purpose of being ruthless. Jeez, Liam—I get it. I get that you don't love me and you never will but do you feel nothing for me? Do you have no feelings towards me?" I bite my tongue to hide the pain his 'honesty' is causing me. He is honestly just plain rude.

"Of course, I do. I care deeply about you."

"Then why do you have to go out of your way to be hurtful? I have never asked you to love me back but I do expect you to respect my decision to love you nevertheless." I can feel my walls coming up—he is just so out of line. One second, he is pouring his heart to me the next he is pushing me away. It's exhausting.

"I can see how my words might have sounded crude to you Mia. I just wanted to warn you in advance." He sheepishly half apologizes. Not good enough Liam—either you give me 100% or just fuck off.

"Your words did not sound crude, they were downright cruel. Just like you." I give him a reality check.

"My intention—"

"Fuck your intention, Liam. Fuck off." I yell and march back to my—err his room. I have got to get the fuck out of here. I have got to figure my job out. I have got to get back on my feet. I need to become independent again.

Liam knocks on my door. Not today Satan—I am not playing.

I open the door, "I will be out of your apartment by tomorrow. And you're right—How can I love you?" I scream on top of my lungs and bang the door in his face.

Even though I know he won't enter after my clear demonstration, I still lock the door. Surprisingly, once my head hits the pillow, I fall asleep.

There is a knock on my door that wakes me up. I stretch and the pain comes crashing back—no stretching my legs or my arms, I remind myself. What time is it? I try to reach for my phone but I have no idea where it is. I get out of the bed and open the door.

It Amy—checking up on me.

"Good morning sunshine—sorry for waking you up—I was just worried."

"I couldn't have died in there," I mutter grumpily. I hate being woken up early morning.

"You have been asleep for more than 12 hours. Can I please make you some breakfast?"

Twelve hours... Holy fuck. These painkillers really do knock me out.

"Can I have a smoothie please?" I am not sure I want to chew right now.

"Of course, do you want to have them on the roof?"

"Okay. I'll see you in 5," I saw as I try to walk as fast as I can to the bathroom. I really have to pee.

I brush my teeth and don't bother changing. I come out of the bathroom and try to look for my phone. It's nowhere to be found. On the side table, there is a glass that I pretty sure wasn't there before. I pick it up to smell it and it's some alcohol. He was watching me sleep. Of course, locking the door wasn't going to deter him. I can't even pretend that this bothers me because it doesn't. I like knowing he checks on me—I like knowing I am cared for by him. I can't pretend that this doesn't give me the biggest smile on my face.