My Teenage Days

love sucks

chapter 2
When I first met him knew my life was forever changed. The day he walked into my Social Studies One class cockily, like all the other boys I've known before. The class was all like the rest, stale atmosphere that speaks of boring lectures and the homework to come that year. Like a hypothetical river of tears from kids who don't like homework. There were multiple posters of 20th-century war heroes stuck on the walls to give the room some life, but it honestly made it worse. Like all the other classes, we luckily had a window. Light reflected off the wax floors blinding students who were entering the class in the early hours. He sat a few seats behind me, acting swagger in the aged light wooden desks, that have clearly been used since the 80s. It was like something of blossomed in me when we noticed each other after our eyes met. We started talking and for a while were best friends. The two of us traveled in the same circles, sharing four classes on our schedule, in a row. Me and my friends even ironically played matchmaker many times, setting him up with each other as a weirdly foreshadowed joke. People would tell me I had a crush on him since almost every conversation included something about Sal. At first I didn't believe them. I thought it was just me being myself.
The short story between us is that everything was perfect. A few days before the fall formal his date didn't work out, I suddenly thought of the idea of going with him. It was like lightning when I thought of him like this. There was a feeling of butterfly's in my gut, whenever I thought of Sal I felt like I was going to explode. It was just like how everyone described it, but even crazier. Consequently, I started thinking about his eyes, stormy gray, it was like they had a spark inside of them. When I realized I was in love. It was on a Thursday, in Mr.David's algebra class at the time I figured this out. Sarcastically I was like "My grade in this class makes sense now." I later went on to barely pass his class that quarter.
Love was always first for me.
While in that class I daydreamed of him the rest of the day, it was like the room came alive, like I saw color for the first time. After the class ended, my heart knew It loved him. My whole world loved him. I wanted him more than anything.
The next day I typed out "I like sal" in the notepad app on my phone before school. When I arrived at school I let my friends see it when we headed down the west stairwell, so they wouldn't freak out in the hallways and possibly someone I know hearing my feelings for him. While I showed them as we walked down the dark, rubber coded stairwell I can see it in their faces, freaking out on the inside. Back then Ella, who went to school with him for three years could stand him. she was in blank, hysterical shock. I could see the excitement in Stevie's face as she read the message. The wheels turned in there heads, completely off guard. Suddenly Ella hysterically screamed his name as we walked down the last few steps. Instantly the ten students in the hall looked over to the stairs to be what the hell was happening.
The next few months were filled with figuring out how to tell sal. The sad truth is that we drifted. he could tell that I liked him before another girl, Stella, who I told that also liked him. while walking to the bus after I came back from Thanksgiving recess, I noticed 6 new tags in my snapchat they, all came from one person, Stella. there it was, all my friends speach bubles Poppin up on the post. then there he was. Sal.
as I scrolled though my feed, I read Stella's post, the bright light of the phone blinding me in the darkness of early morning. after I found a tree to stand behind to shield the wind, I finally realized it, Stella posted my feelings towards Sal.
as I swiped I saw nothing from sal saying he awknoelaged what he saw. only comments telling her to stop and that he hated her.
it was like my heart broke before he had the chance to because I knew we'd never be like that.
the point is that when I got to class my heart shattered. it took me a while to process after I got home I cried for the first time in a long time.
I also only listened to Adelle and Taylor Swift that year on YouTube.
it's been like a year since that happened and I'm still hurting. it's like for the first time I actually feel like I'm moving on, but my loves still there. he was the only thing I ever wanted. It's like you think love will happen one day, and then suddenly someday becomes today. after you fall in love, then get heartbroken, you try everything to move on, or try to find someone else. for me, it just makes it worse. after that day I realized my love only grew more stronger than before. sometimes when you're trying so long to move on, your feelings only last longer.
your first love is the strongest one. for me, I don't think I'll ever get another chance at something that pure ever again.
I'll never get over him. ❤️