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The thought of love never really seemed to matter to me. I was the quiet girl who never spoke a word, yet thought a million and one things. I was the insecure girl who compared herself to every single human being I came into contact with, hoping and praying that I manage to say all of the right things when the opportunity presented itself.
If there was one single thing on earth that I knew I wouldn't have to worry about, it was love. I just knew that my life would consist of me second-guessing, and doubting myself into oblivion. I knew that any guy who tried to date me, would eventually see that I was a complete waste of time and energy. I knew that the second they caught wind of my insecurities and shame, they would pack their hypothetical bags and leave.
Still, that very small part of me hoped that maybe one day a guy wouldn't care about any of my flaws. That a guy wouldn't care if I woke up and cringed as I looked at myself in the mirror and saw the entirety of what is my screwed up life. That a guy wouldn't care if I didn't feel comfortable in public settings, because the mere thought of being in a crowded room gave me anxiety. That a guy wouldn't notice when I stopped myself from speaking my mind, because I knew it would come out wrong and he would interpret it as such.
Every girl dreams of the day she finds a guy who surpasses anything she's ever imagined for herself.
Sure, it's easy to read a love story, or watch a romance movie and feel as though you could possibly be that happy one day. It's easy to fantasize about the day when you get to walk down that immaculate isle, wearing the most breathtaking white dress you've ever owned. Thinking and fantasizing about love is easy, but actually finding it? Well, that's a totally different, yet riveting experience.
Sure, it can be a little intimidating at first, but what true love story isn't?
Maybe this isn't a love story at all, but a mere acknowledgement that two people can coexist together, all the while trying their best to make sure the other knows just how important they are to each other. Maybe it's a boy and a girl, preparing to conquer the world as each other's partner in crime. Maybe it isn't about trying to hide your flaws and insecurities from the other, but finally accepting that who you are isn't going to change, so you might as well relish in the faults of the other person, together and all at once. To show each other that yes, we may both be broken, but that doesn't mean that put together we can't turn into something totally different, greater even.
I don't condone using another person to hide what it is that you need to work on about yourself. Sure, they can tell you until they're blue in the face that you're perfect. Hell, they can even make you feel that you are perfect. But inside, you know different.
I knew different.
I met a boy who challenged everything. He challenged how I saw myself, how I saw others. He brought me this sense of peace I had long been searching for, sometimes without even knowing it.
