boys in jeans // joshler

i don't want a girlfriend.

josh spreads the blanket out in the sand before sitting on one side of it, just to be joined by tyler and his ukulele soon after. josh sets up the camera on top of tyler's scrunched up backpack and presses record.

"i'm gonna try to write a song, and joshua here is going to pretend to like it." tyler muses, not looking at the camera, softly plucking at the ukulele strings.

"hey. no. you're great. no pretending." josh huffs, looking over at tyler.

"okay, okay, okay." tyler raises one hand in self defense. "we don't have a lot of time before the sun starts to set and we lose the light so let's get started." tyler takes a deep breathe before plucking a rhythm with the strings.

"i know where you stand, silent in the trees, and that's where i am, silent in the trees. why won't you speak? where I happen to be? silent in the trees, standing cowardly." tyler sings softly, staring out at the horizon. josh gazes at tyler in awe, he never fails to be amazed by tyler's voice.

"i can feel your breath, i can feel my death, i want to know you, i want to see, i want to say..." tyler looks over at josh as he sings and pauses for a moment, "hello," a smile appears on both their faces, "hello," tyler looks back towards the horizon and repeats the two verses he's just sung.

"hello..." tyler finishes, strumming one last chord, looking back to josh.

"hey, there." josh grins, causing tyler to roll his eyes and push him with his foot.

"there's my song, i guess." tyler runs a hand through his hair and sets his ukulele in his lap.

"it was amazing, ty. you're amazing. you're the best." josh mumbles, leaning back on his hands and extending his legs out in front of him. tyler blushes as he reached over to grab the camera, he moves his backpack so it's behind them, setting the camera back down. their silhouettes are all to be seen as tyler lays down on his back, resting his head on josh's thighs, ukulele in hand.

"hello." josh smiles, looking down at tyler.

"hey, there." tyler grins quickly before beginning to sing again. josh sits there staring at the sunset as tyler sings a few different songs, some of them covers, some originals that tyler had written but never told josh about. the sun finally falls behind the horizon and josh reaches around to turn the camera off.

"if you're not going to break up with her, what are you going to do?" tyler says out of the blue, placing his ukulele next to him.

"i'm going to try to be better, i guess." josh shrugs.

"why would you want to keep pretending?"

"i care about her, just not in the way i used to. i'm trying to figure it out. i don't want to hurt her." josh places a hand in tyler's hair, tyler closes his eyes.

"if you hold off for too long it's going to hurt her even more." tyler sighs contentedly as josh began playing with his hair.

"i know, i know. soon. i'll do it soon." josh mumbles.

tyler has that feeling in his chest again (that uncomfortable but so amazing feeling that makes him feel so confused) as josh continues to run his fingers through his hair. tyler's fingers fiddle with the strings of his hoodie as they sit in near silence, the sound of the ocean and the cawing of the birds is all to be heard. after what feels like too soon, they decide it's time to head home, though it was nowhere close to midnight they were going to take the long way home. they pack up their bags and start off the beach.

"where do you want to go for the road trip?" josh asks, lazily pushing along on his skateboard.

"i dunno," tyler shrugs, "i didn't really think about the fact that we're kids and kind of can't do anything like that on our own."

"i could probably convince my parents to take a little vacation. you and i can still drive around all day, maybe just a little day trip to another city." josh wagers, seeing the doubt in tyler's face.

"could we?" tyler looks hopeful.

"of course. i'd take you anywhere you wanted to go."

"you're the best thing that's ever happened to me, joshua." tyler states confidently.

"i think that you happened to me, ty." josh says softly.

when they arrive home, they enter quietly, immediately get undressed, and climb into bed. tyler rests his head on josh's chest as their legs tangle together. tyler turned on the tv and put on a random movie.

"does it bother you when everyone makes gay jokes about us?" tyler asks quietly.

"not at all. why would it bother me?" josh places a hand on tyler's hip.

"i don't know..."

"it would only bother me if it wasn't true. we absolutely act like a couple, minus the kissing and holding hands in public. i wouldn't be surprised if our parents thought that about us, too." josh traces patterns over tyler's hip bone and tyler feels weird again.

"aren't you worried that people would bully you for being gay? y'know, if you were..." tyler mumbles.

"if i was in love with someone, and i had them, and i was happy, and just living my life— i wouldn't give a single shit about people bullying me or not." josh explains, "are you worried about that, ty? does it bother you?"

"i-i think that i might be a little scared, yeah. people can just be really mean." tyler sighs nervously, he feels WEIRD!

"if you have someone who makes you happy, and makes you feel safe, the mean people won't matter." josh hugs tyler closer to him, pulling him halfway on top of his body.

"i wish debby didn't tell me i needed a girlfriend. i don't want a girlfriend." tyler mutters into josh's chest as josh rubs circles in his back.

"don't listen to her. she's wrong. you don't have to have a girlfriend, ty. i don't want one either."