boys in jeans // joshler

tyler, you're my sun.

june, 17

"it's, uh... 3:24 in the morning... tyler's asleep in my bed. i'm sitting on the roof. i couldn't sleep. i don't know why." josh speaks softly to his camera. the street lights mixed with the moon above provide just the perfect amount of visibility to illuminate josh's features.

"things have felt a little different lately... weird even. i found myself thinking that tyler looked really good today. he looked pretty. he's a pretty boy. i don't even know what that means, though. i don't think i'm gay. maybe i'm bisexual. i don't know. maybe i'm just josh... joshua tyler would say. there's a whole lot of i don't know going on in my head right now. i think i might like him? he's the realest person i've ever known. everything is so real with him and i can't help but feel like maybe he feels like i'm real, too. i'm scared. i don't know. it's strange to talk to a camera like this... but i'm grateful for it at this moment, because tyler is the one i talk to about what's on my mind, but, right now he's the one on my mind and i could never tell him that. " josh sighs, then turns off his camera.

josh picks at the roof beneath him, deeply breathing in the temperate night air that smells of the ocean and citrus. from the roof he can see the ocean in all it's serene glory, the moon shivering against the dark surface, palm trees lightly swaying in the breeze, the sound of waves crashing against the shore is faint.

josh wants to lay down and fall asleep on the roof, and he would (read: could), if he were next to tyler. but, the idea of crawling back into his warm bed and holding tyler's body close to his is much more inviting that the rough shingles that dig into his exposed skin; so, he retreats back into the house and makes his way back to his room. tyler is sprawled out in the almost middle of his bed on his stomach, back exposed from underneath his (josh's) lifted tee shirt, legs peeking out from the covers, mouth slightly agape and hair pushed in many directions as his face is near buried in josh's pillow. josh gently climbs into bed, causing the mattress to dip to one side slightly. tyler stirs at the movement and immediately reaches a hand out to feel for josh, grasping his arm.

"joshua?" tyler mumbles sleepily.

"it's me, ty, go back to sleep." josh murmurs, laying down now, tucking his legs beneath the sheets.

"where'd you go?" tyler groans, pulling himself towards josh, or josh towards him, whichever.

"just needed some air, that'sall." josh whispers, turning to his side, pushing tyler to his side as well so tyler's back is pressed to his chest, and wraps an arm over his torso.

"m'okay. missed you." tyler's voice is so soft as he brings his fingers up and intertwines them underneath josh's hand that rests on the mattress in front of his abdomen. josh tightens his grip on tyler's and hugs him closer to his chest.

"let's sleep, ty." josh buries his face into tyler's shoulder, letting his breath cascade down tyler's neck. tyler hums in agreement, body relaxing.

"g'night, joshua. m'love you."

"i love you, too, tyler. sweet dreams." josh's voice is near silent.

josh can't sleep, still. he lies in his bed, with tyler in his grasp, eyes glued to the ceiling— by now, the green stars no longer glow and the only thing visible in his room is the flashing green light from the smoke detector. his mind is racing and every time tyler moves beside him, making little noises of comfort, his heart races too. now, it's 6:13 am and josh has had enough of the lonely insomnia he's wallowing in, he finds himself shaking tyler awake. (though it pained him to wake the angel from his precious slumber, he couldn't handle being alone and awake anymore.)

"hey, ty, wake up." josh whispers, cringing when tyler groans.

"mmm'dont wanna, joshie." tyler frowns. joshie. that's new. josh's heart pounds.

"tyler, come on. let's watch the sunrise." josh pulls himself from under tyler (hating to disturb the boy, but, hating being without his company even more.)

"the sunrise?" tyler sounds so hopeful, so innocent, so pretty.

"yes, tyler. the sunrise. let's go." josh coaxes tyler out of the bed, reaching out his hand and promising tyler that he can bring the blanket with him. tyler rubs his eyes, keeping them almost closed as josh leads him, in all of his blanket wrapped beauty, down the hallway to the window that sits before the roof. they climb out onto the roof and the sun is barely beginning to peer above the horizon.

josh sits with tyler between his legs, back against his chest, arms wrapped around his waist, chin on his shoulder. it's normal. it's fine. it's pretty. it's weird. the air is barely warm, but josh is on fire. he's on fire, especially when tyler pulls the blanket around himself even more, cuddling into josh's grip, a small whimper daring to leave his lips. the sun slowly rises, illuminating the land, painting the sky pale hues of yellow and blue.

"i could watch the sun rise forever." tyler's voice is so quiet, the slight breeze threatens to carry it away.

i could watch you forever, is what josh wants to say.

"me, too." is what he says. 

"did you bring the camera? this is on the list." sleep is so evident in tyler's voice that josh questions if he's even awake.

no, i wanted this to be just for us.

"there will be plenty more sunrises to witness and record." josh replies, voice raspy with new found exhaustion.

"i like that the sun comes up every day."

"what do you mean by that, ty?"

"it's just— the moons takes it's place every night and that probably hurts..." josh wants to giggle at tyler's personification of the sun's feelings, but he doesn't, "still comes back up again the next morning, though. it's resilient." tyler finishes, leaning into josh.

"you wake up every day, too. you're resilient." josh presses a kiss on tyler's ear, causing the younger boy to squeal and contract into the blanket.

"josh, i really love you. you're my best friend." tyler smiles up at him.

josh wants to kiss tyler. so bad. he wagers with himself. he doesn't do it.

"i love you more, tyler, you're my sun."