Steel Skeleton

Changes

 Gavin found himself on his bed after breakfast, and the group had some downtime between therapy sessions and meetings. He found his breath heavy, and his body, well the gain was now catching up. He was at 105 at this point, and he felt horrid. He found it awful, the way his stomach seemed to just bloat after eating anything, and it didn't help that his bowels wouldn't move, especially not when nurses would literally stand by the door, hearing everything.

It was horrid, and he felt just as terrible. He knew spinning would make him feel fine, but he couldn't get into the gym until later, and he felt absolutely terrible now.

He was still hiding, just a bit, in sessions. It was apparently common, according to his therapist. He found himself oversharing to Lars, and even Madsen at times, but the two share many of the same frustrations. Gavin found that almost laughable, as Madsen was anorexic, and Gavin was almost the exact opposite, except for weight. The two had the same anxiety over weight.

Madsen walked in and seemed to shove the door closed, surprising Gavin. He looked up.

"Everything ok?" Gavin asked, and Madsen just seemed to pace, his steps were angry. He took a deep breath.

"115...115 damn pounds. I can't believe it, holy hell. Disgusting-" Madsen stated, his voice was completely full of rage. Gavin got up from his bed and placed a hand on Madsen's shoulder, and noticed the tears that seemed to be falling from underneath the thin hair on Madsen's face. Madsen almost pushed past him, but he just took another long breath.

"I get it. Weight gain sucks, and it's hell, and it's ruining all of your hard work, but man, you're so damn thin, smaller than me, and I was apparently close to death-" Gavin stated, and Madsen seemed to cut him off. He threw himself onto his bed.

"They all say that, and it's bullshit. They keep telling me that the number doesn't matter, and yeah, it shouldn't. I know that. They keep saying that just eating will change, that my brain is starved, which yeah, it is, but I'm not going to magically get better by gaining." Madsen stated, his voice still full with both annoyance and anger.

"It's true, but it doesn't get better unless you really want to change... Look, I know you don't want change. I just...the damage. I'm twenty-two, and if I had gotten help and recovered enough at seventeen...god, the things I could've saved," Gavin sighed. Madsen had stopped walking, and now it seemed tears were falling down his cheeks. Gavin got up from the bed and wrapped his arms around the frail body of Madsen. "I just don't want you to have to go through the horrid pain, not a chronic eating disorder." Gavin stated. He felt Madsen seem to fall into his embrace. The kid was far taller than Gavin, and so even though he was much smaller, he weighed more, but not by too much. The loss of strength was so apparent.

"I know, it's just...I don't know. I'm sorry for freaking out like that." Madsen stated, and he left Gavin's arms. His tears hadn't dried, but that was ok. Gavin knew that crying was a release, and a damn good one.

"You have no need for apologies, it's human, and it's ok." Gavin calmly told Madsen. Gavin had his hands on Madsen's shoulders. The pressure was a calming technique.

"I just hate it, you know. I finally started to be ok with myself, for the first time, you know, and then my parents find me changing in my room, which meant they saw my body at ninety-eight pound, at six-foot-one. I was so damn close. I would've stopped at ninety-five. I swore." Madsen stated. Gavin sat back down on his own bed, and Madsen started pacing again.

"I'm assuming you didn't want to stop, it was just another goal, right?" Gavin asked, and Madsen found himself pausing, and then he slowly nodded.