Steel Skeleton

Close, Yet Far

 Gavin had never expected to see 120 again, but it seemed now, on the scale, as of this morning...he had.

He was almost there, at 123 the tube came up, and just two weeks after that, he was set to go home. It was crazy. He had spent so much time at this place, and now it almost felt like home. It was easy, he swore. Eating was easy. He had relearned. He was fine. He was totally fine.

He swore, yet he had purged twice just a week ago, but it seemed that mattered not. He found rarely a need for it. It was only there, just in case. He wouldn't go about every night and just spend it eating and puking until his chest hurt. He was a different person, and that was ok. He could go onstage at 120, and just as well at 125, which was their prediction of his weight when the stay ran out.

Gavin hated to admit he still had the thoughts, and yes, they were still extremely prevalent. He was able to fight them off. They never went away. When one has an eating disorder, they have to learn to suppress it, not rid of it entirely. He would never rid of it.

It was a bit terrifying to see himself change. His whole personality was almost shaped around the eating disorder. He was known as the small one, the flyer. He was the one who just had weird eating habits, and always seemed to get sick. It was who he was, but now it seems that he was someone else. The one hiding underneath the layer of bulimia. He was a person, and not a walking-talking eating disorder, as he had thought before.

Of course the layer was still spread thin, and it would always do so, but it was progress from almost passing out in his own puke far too many times. Those times did make for good stories, in his defense.

It was a point of downtime, before all the patients in the EDU would go for an outing. It was small, some form of grocery outing. To teach them about how to buy food, which Gavin found unneeded, but to be holed up in the Unit for another three weeks would cause him to go crazy. He had barely left, and when he did it was for medical tests at hospitals. It wasn't anything he found eventful.

To breathe outside air was always welcome, and to break the cycle. Needed.

"Yo Gav, you ready to be told how to adult?" Lars asked, and Gavin gave a chuckle.

"Still not understanding why I'm doing this, but for those not out of high school, well it's probably a good thing. I lived off of like three things in college until the resident nutritionist at school called me out. Wasn't fun, and I wasn't actively sick either, just horrid at eating." Gavin explained. He was throwing a single ball in the air. It was calming, which he found funny, as he was not a juggler at all. He was horrible at it, and would only pass clubs if he was paid for it.

"Interesting. Yeah, I think I'll take the chance to just get out, see people, you know, normal people. Spooky." Lars said, and he emphasized the mention of spooky.

"Yeah those who for some reason know how to eat, or not. I don't know man, I'm ready to get out of this hole. Three more weeks, and I'm gone." Gavin stated, and Lars seemed to have a face of the slightest disappointment.

"I'll miss you dude." Lars said, and Gavin just gave him a calming smile.
"Yo, it'll be fine. We live in the same city, nothing wrong with exchanging phone numbers and hanging out. I've got a damn resident show here, you know. You could totally cop cheap tickets." Gavin explained. Lars just gave another sigh.

"I know, but you livened the ward up so much, you know. I'm the only dude with binge eating here, and it's always seeming that folks are scared of me. I know, stupid, but it's true. I'm just scared it'll go back to what it was once you're gone." Lars said, his voice seemed reminiscent of old memories, and not the ones one would want to remember.