lost kisses ♡ goodguyfitz

nine

The beginning of Pax East was tomorrow morning, and I was falling apart.

It was currently Friday afternoon, and I was sitting alone in Jaren and I's room having a mental breakdown.

Well, not a mental breakdown, but just a feeling of pure anxiety blast.

We all spent the last 2 days exploring Boston a bit more, and doing random shit to occupy ourselves before the event.

I was so happy for all the boys since they seemed so excited, but I was not. At all. Most definitely not.

On Sunday, when I got Eric to take off his helmet after I had made a deal with him, I told everyone that I was already planning a face reveal.

By planning, I meant thinking about doing one, in my head. With no written out plan or any ideas. So, in the end, there was no way I was going to do a face reveal. I love my fans with everything in me, but having my face out there forever is just not something that I want.

Going to Pax with the boys meant a total face leak possibility. Not too keen on that.

I threw my body back on the bed, covered my face with a pillow, and screamed my heart out.

After my tantrum, I realized there was no point to sit in the bedroom, cry my eyes out and be mad for no reason, so I decided to go back downstairs. I rolled off of the bed and went to Jaren and I's bathroom to see how bad I looked. My eyes hit the mirror, and I let out a stifled laugh.

"Holy fuck." I looked worse then when I did when I got off the airplane. I had on an oversized Champion hoodie, which I got a stain on not even an hour ago. My bare legs were accompanied by shorts that were too small for my ass, but were too comfortable to throw out. And lastly, my face and hair. My hair was in a messy bun that had hair sticking out of it in all directions. My face..well..

Lets just say I felt like I needed to start crying again.

I had eye makeup smeared all down my face, bags under my eyes, and I was breaking out everywhere.

Fun day for me.

I looked away from the mirror in disgust and stripped off my clothes to take a shower.

____

"I still don't understand why you are getting so worked up about this, nobody is going to know its you."

After my much needed shower, I changed and came downstairs to meet the boys for dinner. And after 10 minutes of talking to them, I was ready to go back to my room.

"Coming from you, that's really promising." Mason shot his hands in defense, and continued to eat.

"Charlotte, really, nothing is going to happen." John gave me a very reassuring smile, which made me feel much better.

"Or your face could leak and your career could be ruined-" My eyes widen and I whipped my head around to face Cameron.

"Cameron!" Toby smacked him on the back of the head. "What? It's the truth." Toby rolled his eyes and looked back at me with an apologetic look. "It wouldn't be such a bad thing." I rolled my eyes. "Oh yeah? And why is that."

He shrugged his shoulders. "Meeting fans is one of the highlights of my career. Knowing I make the people who meet me smile is something that keeps me going." I thought about it for a second.

I guess that wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. I would love to meet all of my fans.

"You make a good point, but I-I don't know just yet.." Cam smiled back at me. "Maybe one day, you never know."

He was going to be the end of me.

____

Pax East was a whole other level of anxiety which I had yesterday. My anxiety levels have quickly sky rocketed.

In the Uber, I swore I was on the verge of hyperventilating. I don't know how the boys were so chill about this. I mean, this was my first Pax.

"Charlotte, try to have a good time. These things are always fun." Jay patted my should from the backseat. I nodded in response.

We arrived at the gates after leaving are Uber, and I suddenly felt calm. Well, calmer. I made Jaren hold my hand the whole time, but he didn't mind.

We easily slipped through security and started our journey through Pax.

I stuck with Jaren and John almost the whole time, but there were some parts where I journey off with Jay and the rest of the boys.

And boy was I wrong about Pax. It was absolutely amazing. I met so many other creators, it was truly an experience.

The only thing I was kind of off about is something that happened when we were grabbing a bite to eat around lunch time.

The boys and I all ordered some food, and sat down at a table to quickly eat.

While we were stuffing our faces full of food, Matt spoke up. "Hey, where did Cameron go?" None of us must have noticed, until Matt of course, that Cam had totally just gotten up and left us.

"Should we call him?" John suggested. Toby agreed and Jay went to call him. "Straight to voicemail." We all exchanged looks and decided he just went to the bathroom.

By the time we finished our food, Cam still hasn't returned, even after the numerous calls and texts we left him.

"I'm sure he will turn up somewhere, but for now I'm going to run to the bathroom. Jaren, just text me where you guys will be." He gave me a thumbs up as I scurried off.

I weaved threw the crowds and was about to reach the door until I looked to my left. Outside one of the main windows at the front, was Cam sitting on a bench with his head in his hands.

I frowned as I turned away from the bathroom and walked towards the main door to outside. I quickly swung the door open and met him outside. I stood in front of him, but he must not of sensed my presence.

"Hey, the boys and I ha-" His head shot up from his hands and all I saw was anger and pain. "Oh my god, are you ok?" He abruptly stood up and looked down at me. His eyes were all puffy and red. He had been crying. My mood swiftly changed, and I was worried. "What happ-"

He gave me a cold stare and a harsh response as he cut me off. "Don't mention you found me out here like this to the boys. Ever. In their minds, you found me by he Twitch booth. Got it?" He pointed at me, and poked me with his finger. I did not like this Cam. I was obviously going to tell Jaren, but he didn't need to know that. "Y-yeah no problem. Are you sure you're-" He turned his head away from mine and started to walk back inside. His voice was full of hate and sadness.

"I'm fine."

He was definitely not fine.

I followed him back inside, and we continued on with Pax as if nothing ever happened.

cam sounds like he's having a rough time with something...