lost kisses ♡ goodguyfitz

fifteen

The rest of our Thursday consisted of cuddles, movies and junk food. I couldn't have had a better day.

As the last movie of the night ended, the boys were all softly snoring on the couches of the living room. I was the only one left awake.

On my lap was Cams head, and his hand was gripping my thigh. I had become accustomed to running my fingers through his hair ever since I did it as a joke a few days ago.

We were lying in his room watching Netflix after the long hours of Boston. I was curious so I ran my fingers through his hair as a mere joke, but he ended up loving it.

The same night, we were laying on the couches and Cam was drifting to sleep. Before he passed out though, he grabbed my hand and placed it on his head. At first I gave home the "What the fuck are you doing?" type of look, which made him snicker, but after he explained it to me I happily obliged to run my fingers through his hair.

He told me that it relaxed him and helped him fall asleep. It made him feel safe.

Now, I was sitting on the couch at 4:30 in the morning running my fingers through Cams soft, golden hair.

I couldn't contain myself anymore. Tears started rolling down my face as I continued to massage Cams head.

Only Mason and Jaren know how upset I am about going back to New York and the rest of them going back to Australia. Cam has no clue about my breakdowns and late night (and early morning) cry sessions.

I wasn't 100% positive I should share them with him either. I didn't need him worrying about me while he was across the world.

Deep down, a part of me knew I was going to have to break it off before Saturday morning.

But another part of me didn't care about being across the world. That part of me wanted to try. At least.

"Char? Is everything alright?"

I looked up to see John propped up on his arm, laying on one of the couches, looking directly at me. I just cried harder, I couldn't get a word out to answer him.

His face was full of concern. He got up from the couch and walked over to me. He squated down to my height and wiped the tears off of my cheeks.

I was crying hard, but as quiet as I could. I didn't want to wake any of the boys, but obviously that didn't work out.

"J-John. I cant c-can't do this." I said as quietly as possible, somewhat answering his question. I shook my head back and forth and my fingers continued to run through Cams hair.

Johns hand rested on my cheek as he caressed it with his thumb.

"He's going to be in Australia! I live in fucking New York!" I sniffled and let out a moan type noise that I hope didn't wake anyone up.

"Char, I am so sorry. You're going to have to talk to him. Not right now, but later today. Everything will work out." He gave me a soft smile, which I returned.

"And what about you? Living on the opposite coast as Jaren and I?" He lost his smile but his eyes were still full of heart.

"We will be ok. I've decided to come visit, a lot. Come to me too." I nodded my head at him.

"Of course John." His smile returned as he lifted his hand from my cheek.

"I'm going to head to bed. I'll see you tomorrow, ok? Get some sleep." He kissed my head and jogged up the stairs.

My tears had stopped, but I only think that is because I've ran out. My hand also never left Cams head.

I looked down at him. He was softly snoring and his hand was still gripping my thigh. His mouth was slightly agar and his legs were off the couch, considering he's practically a giant.