Dead Eyes: a Hitoshi Shinsou Fanfic

Chapter 8 [Joke's on Me]

     Yuuto was sitting next to me during lunch, scarfing down every last piece of rice that he could. I scanned the room lazily, poking at my food. "What's wrong, Haruyo?" He asked me, bringing me back down to reality.
     "Nothing's wrong. I'm okay," I sighed. I was getting tired of spending all my time looking for Shinso. He was never at lunch, he never was out after school, and I never passed him in the hallways. I was starting to wonder if he was a figment of my imagination. I saw Yuuto peering at me from the corner of my eye, so I turned to face him.
      "Is someone bothering you?" He huffed, ready to fight someone. I just laughed and focused on my chop sticks. More like I was the one bothering someone.
      "Nope. Just looking around," I explained. He stared at me for a second and then gingerly looked back down at his now empty bowl. Awkward silence hung between us, and he sighed heavily.
      "If you don't want me around you can just say so, Saito," he said as he walked off. A wave of guilt washed over me as I saw his slumped shoulders bounce as he dumped his tray and exited the cafeteria. Several eyes stared at me, looking for an explanation. I had a vague idea of why he was upset, but it still confused me. Why would he care about what I think of him? I was trying to come up with a reason when more of my friends came and sat down next to me. Fumika and Sora were staring at me cautiously, setting down their food.
      "What was that all about?" Sora asked. I glazed my eyes across the cafeteria once more, pondering my response.
      "I don't know. Yuuto has been acting weird lately. He got mad for no reason," I explained. Fumika and Sora looked at each other, exchanging a weird glance. I darted my eyes back and forth between them.
      Fumika looked back at me. "Saito, you really are clueless, aren't you?" She said. I furrowed my brows.
      "What do you mean?" I asked. They both sighed in unison. I nervously bit my nails. Was there something going on in his life? Something tragic?
     "I mean, he hasn't told me so, but it's so blatantly obvious that he has feelings for you," Sora said. My mouth must have hung open, or I must have gasped because they both laughed at me. My face went red and I put my head in my hands. I couldn't deal with this.
     "How can you even tell?" I groaned. Fumika rolled her eyes and Sora shook his head.
"Do you even see how he looks at you?" Sora laughed.
"Why do you think he spends all his time with you?" Fumika giggled. It does make sense. That night in the elevator, those evenings after class where we would walk together...
"I... I had no idea," I pondered.
"But you're so lucky!" Fumika stated.
"Yes, so lucky," Sora echoed. "You have this hot, nice guy all over you. I mean there's all the girls in the class who are all over him, and you're over here just ignoring that."
I hadn't thought about that. "But... what if I don't feel the same way?"
They both stared at me in silence. I bowed my head in shame and started to pick up my tray. "Hey, Haruyo," Fumika called out. I looked back as I walked away. "Give him a chance," she demanded. I stopped in my tracks and nodded compliantly. He wasn't my type. I didn't even know what my type was.
Shinso walked past me as I was deep in thought, and I didn't register the fact that he had just passed me until it was too late. I turned around and called out his name, but he was already gone. I sighed and dumped my tray. I left the cafeteria and started my search for Yuuto. While I didn't have feelings for him, I did care about him. And I didn't want to be the one to break his heart.
Heartbreaker, huh? That's not me. Guys don't like me. I thought. I looked through the window of the library and saw him sitting quietly, alone. At least most don't.
I quietly shuffled into the silent room and collected a few glances. Yuuto looked up at me, and then rubbed his eyes with his hands. I sat down across from him, waiting for him to meet my eyes.
"Why did you leave?" I whispered.
"I was done with my food," he stated somberly. I pursed my lips and nodded slightly. He never left early.
"Listen, I'm not one to notice the finer details of life," I admitted. "Like I don't notice when walls are painted a different color. I especially don't notice when the weather changes. I didn't know that I was that oblivious about... certain emotions though."
His eyes met mine and I noticed how red they were. "Yeah. You're bad at that," he snorted.
"Yuuto, Sora and Fumika told me that you had, or have feelings for me. Is this true?" I questioned. He sighed deeply and put his hands in his lap.
"Yes, it's true. I thought you would have noticed yourself. But it's kind of obvious I'm not that important to you. Not as important as that purple-haired second year," he hissed. I stared at him darkly.
"What do you even mean? I never talk to him."
"I see how you're always searching for him. At first I thought you were just dazed or something. But then I noticed how you would smile when he walked into a room, or how your breath would catch when he sat close to us that one time."
"That's crazy. I don't like him."
"Yeah. Look, I don't need you to date me, I don't need all of that. I would have at least thought you would know me well enough by now to realize how I felt. I made it obvious," he growled softly.
"You could have told me, it's not that hard."
"It is. You make it hard," he huffed as he picked up his books and walked out.
"How do I make it hard?" I whispered to myself. Some guy with dark blue hair and glasses 'shhhed' me. I rolled my eyes and trudged out.