All the Small Things

I Miss My Mother

I still remember, and it still hurts,

The crunching metal, an indrawn breath,

The crashing glass, a muttered curse,

And then...

"Daddy, daddy, what happened?"

"We just had a little accident."

"Dad, I think my leg is broken."

"Tiffany, are you ok?" "Mom?" "Babe?"..."MOM?!?"

And you left us there on that highway,

I wonder if you looked back,

If you were that voice, whispering,

"Just pray...calm down and just pray..."

I remember all the people running,

The smell of leaking gas,

And I could hear the sirens coming,

And then...

"Sir, can you move?" "I think so..."

"Are the children all right?"

"I think so, I am worried about my wife."

"We called 911, Sir, they will be here soon."

And you didn't move a muscle,

Except to try to lift your head,

And even that stopped happening,

And I knew that you were dead.

I remember the sound of the "jaws of life,"

They were cutting open our car,

And someone said, "Sir, shut off your lights,"

And then...

"You're going to be all right, hon."

"Oh, please, God, please, let my mother be all right!"

"Ok, it's ok, just be quiet..."

"YOU be quiet, I'M talking to God."

And I believe you were watching over us,

To make sure we got out of the mess,

I heard that voice telling me to trust,

In whoever God is and just pray.

I remember the blood running down my face,

The whisper of rain, and still that sickly smell of gas, 

Leaking out all over the place,

And then...

"Can I get a back-board here, please?"

"Ok, hon, lift up, just a little...that's it,

Would you like to go for a helicopter ride?"

"Nooooo!" 

And I think you rode in the air with me,

Because I could feel you there,

And I think you were at the hospital with me,

When I was riding in my wheelchair.

And I think that you are still with me,

I can see you everywhere,

I see you in sunshine, and rain, and choke-cherry trees,

Wherever I am, my mother is there.

Author notes

My mother died when I was 16, in this very accident. It hurt so much, until I wrote this. Then the pain began to lessen. I have thousands of happy memories that I can relive any time I want to. They make me smile. I still have a bad day, on her birthday.. Mother's Day... August 14th (the date she died)... but it doesn't hurt so badly anymore. And I look forward to seeing her again, when my own journey is over.

Written January 16th, 2004