Breaking Hermione

Wasted Love

Hermione P.O.V

I woke up the next morning to sunshine streaming in through the hospital window onto my bed. It would've been nice if it wasn't followed by a surge of fevered anxiety as I woke that caused me to bolt straight up as if I'd just been electrocuted.

I was in the past. I was in Tom's time.

Most mornings since I arrived in the past was the same. I would wake up to crippling anxiety about the mission I was on and would have to take a minute or two to calm myself. But I couldn't afford to panic. I was stressing out so much I was starting to worry about my health. I hadn't been eating properly. I only began to realise when I skipped breakfast three days in a row. But try as I might I couldn't stop the terrible memories from coming back of the events that had already unfolded and now I had more to worry about. Shalini was dead. Jade had left Hogwarts. And it was my fault.

Thinking about yesterday made the floodgates of everything that had happened come rushing back. Tom sitting beside me, talking to me. Getting angry when I defended Dumbledore. Dismissing me for trying to tell him that he didn't have the ability love. I didn't understand why he wouldn't for a moment even entertain the concept of the effects of the love potion he was conceived under. I didn't know what motivated him to be so touchy when it came to discussing it, either.

In the end I settled on one conclusion: he must've been scared. Although it was hard for me to envision such a fearsome, emotionless person like Tom showing signs of fear. Could his behaviour have been brought up by uncertainty? Both made sense to me. After all, I too would get upset if I was dealing with something I didn't have the ability to comprehend.

I slid out of bed, stretching very carefully. It felt as though I had been hit by the Hogwarts Express at close range, every part of my body ached with incredible pain. But on the bright side I was alive. And I might not have been if it wasn't for Tom's quick thinking and expert magical skill.

Even though I was grateful my heart was heavy as I trudged slowly out of the Hospital Wing, quietly giving thanks to Madam Pomfrey as I opened the door and left. I was meant to still be recovering, but I couldn't bear the thought of sitting in a bed all day doing nothing while I was on a mission. I couldn't live in the past forever. And I hated the thought I had to return to the present day. Because for some reason....

A definite part of me was growing roots in this place, and settling in. Just as if I was the student who I had told everyone I was. Hermione Granger, the "Pure Blood" Slytherin. The one who became Tom's girlfriend. The girl he asked to dance at the ball, and even pursued as though in love.

Deep down I secretly desired Tom to admit his feelings towards me. And I despised myself for it. I was supposed to be in a relationship with Ron Weasley for crying out loud. What the hell was wrong with me? I was basically cheating on him, falling for Tom Riddle in every way. Completely. Hook, line and sinker. It was working out to be just as I had stupidly predicted it wouldn't. My life was a mess, and I had thrown all my morals away and was left to pay the hefty price for it.

"You deserve this." I said to myself, walking aimlessly towards the Slytherin corridor. "You brought this on yourself."

"Talking to yourself are we?" I jumped out of my skin. Mere metres away the Slytherin House ghost the Bloody Baron was drifting across the corridor, giving me one of those are you insane looks which I always associated with Tom Riddle.

"I always find that blaming yourself doesn't get anywhere." He told me matter of factly as he floated past. "If you blame others, you won't have to feel bad."