Breaking Hermione

It's All In Your Head

Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?

Albus Dumbledore / Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

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Special mention to the fans who love this book. I hope you all have the best 2020 💗☺️ x

Hermione

I wanted to act calm. Controlled. But I was in the company of an emotionally abrasive person by the name of Tom Riddle, and automatically my guard raised like a 10 foot prison wall with barbed wire.

"I have just one question for you, Tom." I said, staring at him straight in the eyes. "Was that entire lovestruck speech you gave me in the Hospital earlier a lie?"

Tom, who was leaning against the stone wall directly opposite me, straightened up and flashed a blinding smile.

"Do you think it was?" He tilted his head to the side, those dark eyes resolute.

Do you really think he will give you a straight answer? I thought bitterly to myself. He's a damn liar.

"You think I lie." Tom realised out loud. He didn't fidget uncomfortably, he just stared at me with that intense, ever darkening look. "I don't speak like you do. I choose my words very carefully each time I decide to talk, and that time was no different. I was intentionally trying to convey something to you. I love you."

I raised my hands as if shielding myself. "Stop saying that you love me! I know you don't fucking mean it, so why bother?"

I screamed. If Tom was taken aback by my sudden outburst he didn't show it. But he did seem pleased.

"That's what I was looking for." He said. "Your real feelings."

I looked up begrudgingly. Even staring into his eyes didn't give anything away, there was nothing in them to see. No feeling, no warmth. It was like staring into the eyes of someone without a soul.

Not long now my mind said nastily. Enough time around him and you won't have a soul either.

"I never wanted to tell you how I felt about you. Mainly because I am already aware that you hate me. But I said it mainly to get it off my chest." Tom explained with the air of a zookeeper getting a wild animal to calm down.

"So... It didn't matter how I felt. Just as long as you got your feelings out."

No matter what seemed to be happening, Tom seemed to just be considering himself once again. Whether he was aware of it or not.

"Your feelings do matter to me." Tom stepped close to me, and put his hands on my waist. "But the thing is, you don't trust me." He said into my ear. "I knew I had to be the first one to confess my feelings toward you, because I knew you would never admit the way you felt about me. So how about, I ask you a question. Do you love me?"

"What?" I burst out. "Don't be ridiculous. You already know what I'm going to say."

I loved Ron. I didn't love Tom. He was Voldemort. He had abused me. Lied to me. Betrayed me. Stabbed me in the back with as many verbal weapons as he could gather, with absolutely no mercy whatsoever.

"If it was such a stupid question." Tom said coldly, "Why are you not giving me a straight answer?"

It was in that moment that a few things dawned on me. I didn't know how I really felt about Tom at all. I hated him, but at the same time, there were parts of me which had died inside, and now I realised I didn't know so many things now, and being put on the spot was something I didn't count on. I needed time. And of course, time was not something I had.