Just Another Brushstroke

Chapter 5

Jeremy's POV

My paint brush was making all kinds of streaks because I was shaking.

Through the entire art class, I felt anxious. Afterwards me and Angelo were going to have an one on one lesson. I wondered if he did it all the time. Maybe I wasn't special. Maybe I was just another student in his life who sucked at art.

I leaned over to the girl next to me with the long black hair.

"What's your name?" I whispered.

"Anna."

"Cool, I'm Jeremy."

"Cool."

"Do you know if Angelo does one on one classes with his students if they're struggling?" I asked.

A part of me hoped that he did. I didn't want him to look at me like I'm special because I'm not. A part of me didn't even want him to like me. The other part of me hoped that he treated no one else like me.

A part of me wanted to be special.

"No he never does, why?" She asked.

I guess the other part of me is happy. I didn't want special treatment. I did have strong feelings that I couldn't explain. When he talks all I want to do is listen. When he laughs I just want to hear it like a broken record.

When he pulls his hair back into a ponytail I just wonder what it feels like to run my hands through it. When his hands create beautiful brush strokes on the canvas, I wonder what his hands would feel like on my body.

When he looks at me I just want to look him in the eyes forever. When we walked toward the building and his hand was swinging close to mine, I just wanted to take a hold of it.

I hated those feelings.

Not because I hate the fact that I like boys but because my life is too complicated right now. I need to figure my life out and I can't with all these distractions.

"I will see you all next week." His voice rang out and I jumped being pulled out of thought.

Anna said goodbye but I hung around.

Once all the kids left the room it was just me and him. The tension could be cut with a knife and my heart was beating out of my chest. My hands got clammy and my stomach turned upside down. Is this what butterflies felt like?

"I'll grab another canvas," he said sweetly and went into the backroom.

I quickly straightened my clothing and hair. I wiped my sweaty palms on my jeans and gulped. I promised myself that nothing was going to happen today. I was just with a painting tutor, who happened to be Angelo.

"Come sit." He said and pointed to the chair.

He got his own canvas and sat down next to me.

"Do you draw?" He asked me.

"No."

"Okay well try. A bad outline is better then no outline, at least for me. Draw something very simple but do it lightly, so it can't show through the paint. Draw something easy until you feel comfortable with the pencil," he said.

I took a deep breath and started to draw a heart. It was a smaller heart and I did exactly what he said.

"Good now shape it a little better so you know exactly where the paint will land," he said.

I didn't know what he was drawing on his own. I didn't dare to look over because he was so close to me. I felt my leg brush up against his a few times, and I blushed. I continued to outline until I was done and I put the pencil down.