Knowing Me, Knowing You | (S/P)

Chapter 32

I have always criticized and laughed about those movies in which the girl always realizes beforehand that the guy has walked in, without even seeing him. But I can literally feel Nathaniel's presence in every cell of my body as he pushes open the double doors of Z&H, and what is more important, the pang of remorse and dejection that it makes me feel.

I pretend to be busy with my phone as he walks past our table and sits in an empty one near the far corner.

"Alexia, you should go talk to him," Josh murmurs half laughing, "you're his favorite." My stomach falls to my feet, but his lewd and mocking expression, confirming once more that he knows, is not the one thing that makes goosebumps erupt through my skin.

I want to tell him that if I were his favorite, he wouldn't have flirted with another girl the way he did. If I were his favorite, he wouldn't have made me feel like second best. If I were his favorite, he'd realize how much this hurts.

Because if anything, under the layers of anger and bitterness, under the thickness of disappointment there is acute pain. I was finally getting to the point where I felt like could be completely me and know that he'd love me just the same.

But now I can only think about him with her, and let me tell you, jealousy is a bitch.

I look at this direction; elbows resting on the table and an indecipherable expression. I make sure our gazes lock for a moment more than necessary before breaking eye contact.

"Nathaniel Rowlins is the last person I want to talk to right now."

All truth be told,I'm aching to hear his voice, to feel his touch on my skin. I'm itching to yell hurtful, angry things at him, even knowing that it wouldn't do us any good. I know that eventually I'll have to hear him out, to let him give me any sort of explanation he might have, but I want to postpone that as much as I can.

But while that happens, I do want him to know exactly how it feels –how out of place and betrayed I felt that night.

In an entirely premeditated move, I angle my body towards Andrew and place an arm on the backrest of his chair.

"I finally had time to solve that puzzle you gave me at the beginning of the semester."

"Eight hours? Nine?"

"Six and a half."

"What! Don't you ever sleep?" I give him a taunting smile before we both burst out laughing. "I don't know why I said that, you're worse than a bear."

"I will take no offense."

We keep chatting vividly as we eat lunch, reminiscing of the past three years of our lives and getting sentimental making theories about how much things will change once our days in college are over. My friends can be noisy and rather impertinent at times, but they have also brought so much joy to my life, and at the end of the day I wouldn't change that for all the tea in China. 

It's not until Abigail lightly kicks me on the shin under the table, provoking me to look at her in annoyance, that I realize that my head has been laying on Andrew's shoulder for I don't know how long.

She wiggles her eyebrows at me and I feel my cheeks flush in embarrassment. I pull myself upright, shaking my head at her. It's in that moment that I hear someone clearing his throat behind me, turning back only to see Nathaniel walking to the door.

I look at the table he was previously occupying to see that he's left most of his food untouched; he didn't even finish his coffee. The first impression in my body is that of success, only to be tampered with absurd hopelessness.