Random thoughts

Why?

I'm fucking done, what is this?
This world is on fire and all we are doing is fanning the flames
It's fucking 12:00 at night and all I can hear are people screaming
Screaming out of anger and fear
I'm sure so many people have stories about their dads
Sad stories, happy stories
Mine are how he got so fucking mad all the time
Complaining about how he has to provide for his six kids
How he excuses his actions by blaming his dad
Saying how he was such a horrible father to him
Clearly, the fucking apple didn't fall far from that tree
Blaming his dad like these actions he takes are his dad's fault
I'm not suicidal because the way this life is going why bother dying to go to hell
When you're already living it
Does your family make you fucking doubt yourself?
According to my family that's how you suppose to live
Crying until your eyes dry out as you sit in the dark covering your mouth so no one knows
Have you ever spent nights and days huddled up next to your mom as she cries
All you can do is sit there and listen to her crying because you can't stop the pain
Have you ever spent the entire night crying and yelling "why?" in your head
Have you ever cried yourself to sleep because you can't do anything but let your pillow collect your tears
What the fuck is with this world?
Please, someone, answer me
Have you spent half or more of your life like a fucking rag doll
Like a punching bag for anyone who wants to use you
Like your worth nothing
What the fuck are we even here for?
I've ended up curled in a ball crying and screaming "why?"
In my head, so no one knows
While covering my mouth to hide; hide from everything