I am a tired man...I am a lazy man...I am a bored man. People claim they are lazy, but they don't know the true meaning of it. Bodily laziness is but the first stage of the cancer that has engulfed me. I am lazy not just in body, but in mind too. Thinking itself is an activity that requires great effort from me. These days, even keeping my eyes open seems difficult, and I keep sleeping or lying down, doing nothing, as if I were in some sort of sickness or hibernation mode. If a day were given to me, I could easily lie around without doing anything in it. And no, not using the phone, watching the TV or anything, but doing absolutely nothing except listening to the sounds around me, and directing my empty thoughts in various pointless avenues. I wish everyday to shut myself underground, to not work anymore, but I have no such income to give me the luxury of rest. Even writing these words use up great deal of my mind.
Why do I write this? Do I want you to pity me? Or to stumble upon some philosophy like the underground man and become famous? The fact is, I don't know. I don't even know why I continue with the kind of life I live. I hate every kind of work, I despise the very mention of learning, yet somehow I had went through 8 hours in school and always found myself doing or planning to do something or the other. I have been going through years in some sort of autopilot mode. If you knew me, you would never guess the depth of laziness I have achieved. My work reaches on time, or sometimes even before. The fact is, I want to do nothing, but even doing nothing is excluded from that list. I don't want to do "do nothing". And hence I float around, hating almost everything and doing it anyway. I hate doing nothing, I hate doing anything and I hate hating doing anything too. Its a ridiculous dilemma. How is it possible to hate work and hate having no work to do at the same time? How do I survive above ground when my entire being wants to go and shut itself down below it? Perhaps I might find these answers, perhaps I wouldn't. No matter, my mind is floating away, and my eyes are shutting themselves up, so its time to take a break. A long one, preferably, though by no means one that's sufficient.
YOU ARE READING
The Aboveground man
De TodoRandom, pointless thoughts leading from nowhere to nowhere, inspired by Fyodor Dostoevsky's Notes From Underground/The Underground Man. Philosophical rant book with controversial opinions, avoid if you are easily triggered.
