𝙨𝙚𝙘𝙧𝙚𝙩 𝙖𝙙𝙢𝙞𝙧𝙚𝙧 - jikook

FIFTEEN

dear jimin,

sorry i've kind of been gone for the past week, i haven't been to school. it's nothing you need to worry about, but i also just kind of needed sometime to think.

you nearly seeing me made me think to myself why i was so adamant on you not knowing who i was. i realized my initial reason, why i kept my identity a secret was because i was a guy, liking a guy. and then when that was out i kind of just became really nervous and anxious because i came out to you literally only after a couple weeks. i guess i felt like i made a big mistake and that i should've just lied or said i didn't want to tell you, but then i probably never would have.

i guess what i'm trying to say is, i don't know why i'm so afraid of you knowing. maybe it's you possibly not like me something that scares me, or just yet another person not liking me. betraying me, even.

i don't want to make it seem like i don't trust you, i don't... trust myself.

i've let too many people hurt me in the past. i guess i'm just protecting myself.

i never planned for these notes thing to get so complicated.

i hope you understand.

from
your john.