Your name is the last thing on my mind before I sleep and the first when I wake, but your body is no where to be found.
I just wonder "How?" And it hurts. I don't know how to succeed.
My vessel is the ocean and my heart has become an anchor that continues to pull what's left of me down. Please. Help me.
3 months from today huh? I want to have faith but the last time I was given a time increment of sorts it was way off. I don't want to set myself up for dissapointment again...but it hurts so much to not want it to be true.
I hope when you think of me you're not as in as much pain as I am when I think of how you're no where to be found.
I stare at the sky as the smoke passes my lips. Thinking of you and wondering how I ended up like this.
Who would believe me?
Wherever you are...I hope you know just how much I love you.
I miss you. And it hurts.
Surrounded by people who don't give a damn. What I've always said remains true even for you: The truth always comes to light. So I deal with the shit hand I've been dealt once again despite being told I don't deserve it. So if that's the case where are you? I'm tired of waiting and I deserve someone good in my life. So where are you?
I'm ready to find you. I can't wait for the day where I'll wake up and your face will be the first thing I see in the morning.
Every time I see that image...it's like I can feel every emotion that was poured into that kiss. Lips not even touching but souls reaching out for each other. Begging to be able to grasp each other and feel a connection that can't begin to be compared to anything else. A longing that is so strong it would have you wanting to tear your skin off and expose your heart to the world knowing how everything else will seek to break it but if it meant feeling your prescense alongside me, there would be no pain nor risk that could deter me.
I know she isn't you. But I'd be lying if I said part of me hurts at the fact you're with someone new. It's my own fault. I don't want to hurt over it. I've punished myself enough. I need to take it for what it is: one less person to have to figure out about. I can move forward.
I can't take this anymore. I feel like I'm dying on two accounts. Physically and emotionally. I need you. Please help me. It's selfish-I know-I know it's selfish but I can't just find a random person on the street. Not here anyway. I don't want to go back to the hospital.
I miss you. I was stupid. I should have seen it sooner. It wasn't a mistake, it was just the wrong time. I need you to believe in me...like I'm trying to believe in you. I just need a little more time. And I think you might too.
I wish you knew how hard waiting is for me. Why you continue to remain in a toxic relationship I'll never know. You're smarter than this. I just wish you'd put your pride aside and let me help...but I know it's something you have to do on your own. I miss talking to you though. I feel like we're moving backwards by not communicating. Please don't shut me out completely.
If I told you what I felt inside would the thought even cross your mind that maybe the messages should be opened? Would you sense their importance and intent or would you continue to be scared to see them? I'm trying so hard to give you space but all these thoughts I can't erase about you in my mind I'm going insane. I'm screaming at a blank space hoping somehow the sound reviberates and finds its way to you. All of this just to say I love you but it can't just be put as 3 words. It's not that simple. It's never going to be. I just want to be in the same space as you. Don't let fear win. We can get through this together if you'd let us.
I can't shake this gut feeling that you need help. Desperatly. And I want to help you so badly. I just don't know how when you aren't communicating with me. Please let me help you. I'm scared for you. I don't trust the girl you are with and you really shouldn't either. I know it seems like things won't work out any other way but they will. I need you to trust me. Please, please contact me. I've tried reaching out to you I don't know what else I can do.
