Where do I go from here? 400 pages. Of lies. Wasted words fallen upon unfortuante souls who happened to cross them. So concerned about their life being a lie when they knew all along that mine was because of her.
It hurts. To still miss someone who never existed. It hurts to have to try and force my brain to not go back to the good times that were shared with someone who manipulated the fuck out of me. It hurts to feel alone with everything spiritually. Even though I know I'm not, she was the person who knew the most. The person who I wish I never opened up to. Who I wish never saw me vulnerable in the way I allowed her to. The person who I wanted to believe viewed me differently than everyone else. That I was more than just a body they wanted to fuck. I couldn't have been more wrong. I feel so used. I asked for the truth so many times and I was never worth it. She rather live with the fact I tried to kill myself over it than to come clean about her dirty little secret. When I finnally found out...I never wanted revenge more in my life than I did in that moment. There is definetly a side of me that still does. That wants to tear her throat out and watch as the light dims from her eyes for what she put me through. To watch as she suffers like I did. In a way I guess karmas already come through though. Why else would she have gone through a coma and ended up miserable? Why else would she have tried so hard for me outside of guilt? It makes perfect sense. And despite wanting revenge...she's not worth it. Her life is miserable without me doing anything as it is. So here's to tonight, despite the pain, despite you being the absolute scum residing beneath my shoe, I know somehow it will get better from here. Because I've paid my debts and now it's time to be rewarded. I know I'll find Laura soon. I can feel it. And in no way am I saying she is nothing more than a reward to clarify. Shes everything to me. I want to be the same for her. But shes all I've wanted for so long and for once, unlike in the past, I feel deserving.
The sad part of it is you had the audacity to block me because you couldn't stand to see what I would say. You knew every word out of my mouth would be true and it would hurt. If I was in your position, and I had done that shit to someone, I would have let them say whatever they wanted until they felt they were done. If they wanted to hit me, I'd let them. And you didn't. You blocked me and ran like a coward with their tail between their legs. I hope it trips you. I hope you understand what you put me through.
