NUMB

9

Staring out my window, I was lost in thought.....

The way he held me, and simply kissed my head?

It's like he knows there are things on my mind, things I need him to know, things I don't understand and things I need to decide before I can talk to him about it.

When I look up, Gram is looking at me like she needs to ask me something. "What is it?" I ask her with my eyebrows pushed together concerned. "I'd like to meet him.....I'm a good judge of character...I can see you struggling right now... It might help you decide if he's the right one"..she's rambling, obviously nervous about bringing this up.

"That's a good idea... I will ask him, if..........IF he calls," I respond stammering, becoming very anxious. Will he call after last night? What if he doesn't?

"I'm going for my run," I tell her softly. I change my clothes, put on my running shoes, brush my teeth, pull my hair up and attach my iPod as I head down my too familiar path. I got lost in the music and the thoughts in my head. It was amazing...sunny with a soft breeze.

I came to a sudden stop about two blocks from home to look at my vibrating phone. It was him... It was Dylan. I didn't answer, I couldn't answer, and I noticed a miss call from both Lane and Kate.

I jog to the porch swing and dial Kate. "Hey" I whisper. "What's going on? You okay?" She pleads. "I.... I'm okay I guess, why?" I answer low. "I just.... he called Lane and they talked for awhile, but I just need to know you're okay?" she questions concerned. "I... I don't know... he just...." and I can't talk for my cry. "I'm coming over," she says concerned. "No... it's okay.... he didn't do anything wrong... I'm just confused Kate...he makes me feel things I've never felt before... he does things that leave me speechless and wanting more, but I know he's experienced and I'm not....It's just .... I don't know how to tell him and....shit...... I don't know..." I say trying to calm myself. "I don't know what to say. Did he push you for more?" she asks. "No, but he had to literally walk away to stop and it embarrassed the hell out me" I admitted flatly."He had to walk away? Shit, that must have REALLY been hard?" she questions and we both laugh at her little joke. "I'm just gonna take a nap and take a shower, I'll call you later, okay?" I question trying to avoid any further questions."Okay, love ya" she says ending the call.

I text Lane:

Just got done running

Gonna grab a nap and shower-

Later?

I get a text from Dylan:

How upset with me are you?

I'm not

Can I call

I'm about to shower and nap

Are you avoiding me?

I was running when you called

Can I see you later?

I hesitate, but type Yes and hit send

It took you too long to say yes

I'm sorry-I'm confused about last night-I have things I need to say, but I'm not sure how

You can say anything to me

You may wish I hadn't

You can say ANYTHING to me

Okay

Tonight?

Yes

I will do my best not to embarrass you any more than I already have