The Silent Ones

Waiting

I think that you believe that I am waiting for you.

That I spend my waking moments imagining you with "some other girl."

Living out a better life.

That I am jealous thinking of you living the life I had imagined for you and I.

That I am heartbroken.

But you would be wrong to believe me that way

I do not wait for you

I do not dream of you

I do not speak of you

I do not let you cross my mind

I have let you go.

And if anyone was waiting it would be you.

It would be a lie if I told you I regret letting you go.

I regret nothing. I cannot bear to think of you

because of what a disappointment you came to be.

You were my best friend

the only one on this godforsaken earth who understood me

every piece of me.

But everyone is given a choice

you chose to use that against me.

You manipulated me

you broke my heart.

But I put it back together and shoved you from my mind.

I am not a sensitive, weeping child at your loss.

I am cold.

I am lost in myself.

I have not built a wall.

I have not built anything since you.

I stopped building stories and paintings.

I stopped building with you and

I stopped building for me

I stopped building up your character and mine.

I let you go and in return I let myself go.

I gave her away I sold her to an art gallery.

Let some artist interpret my loss

Let the world look upon her and feel . . .

So that I could go and look at her and feel . . .

Shame.

You could go and purchase her today

but she would be a lie

and the truest part of you

would know that she was just a cheap knock off

of me.