Loving my bsf// chase Hudson

Chapter 25

Payton: I like you and I love you. But I think we should break up. I just feel like we don't talk as much as we used to and you are always surrounded by people who like you and I just... I don't know.
He sat on the floor and put his head in his knees. You sat down next to him and saw the tears fall from his eyes. You scooted close to him so your sides were touching and you hugged him.
Y/n: Pay I don't want you to be upset over this. I love you so much but if that's how you feel then that's how you feel. I can't change that.
Payton: I just I can't explain.
Y/n: well I'm going to ask you once. Are you sure?
Payton: I don't know...
He put his head in your shoulder and you kissed his forehead.
Y/n: I need you to look at me.
He lifted his head up and looked at your eyes.
Y/n: I don't want you to cry over me. Now let's wipe off your tears and go back inside.
You smiled and used your thumbs to wipe his tears.
Payton: I'm sorry.
Y/n: it's ok pay...
You got up and helped him up to. When you walked into the room chase and drayke looked at you.
Chase: why where you crying Payton?
Drayke: what happened?
Payton: um- I
Y/n: he will tell you later.
You put your hand on his cheek and he smiled. You began to put your things together and you felt eyes on you.
Y/n: what?
Chase: nothing never mind.
You continued and finished in a few minutes. You sat next to drayke and put your head on his shoulder. He was reading some book on his phone and you read it too.
-
"What is the wisest choice for a personal life goal? Should a person seek self-actualization or self-realization? Perhaps neither goal is a realistic objective, especially if human beings lack free will. What I do know is that there is dark pit so deep inside myself that I must fill it. I can pad this black hole with dread or pleasure, booze or drugs, religion or vice, action or indolence, love or hatred. Alternatively, I can fill bleakness and emptiness by increasing self-awareness and ascertain my role in the world. With limited energy resources and lack of mental acuity, I might never attain a plane of higher consciousness. I fear remaining forever blocked in a state of psychological deadlock, forevermore exhibiting prolonged mental, emotional, and behavioral disorders and plagued by psychogenic abnormalities brought about from social rejection, grief, vocational lapses, and economic and marital setbacks. In a state of mental incapacity, I might lack the ability to blunt immediate personal destruction. I need to begin a journey that leads to a higher state of awareness, and personal survival depends upon how much progress I achieve purging my mind of falsities and other toxic impurities. While personal survival necessities moving forward in order to discover a mental state of silent stasis and reach the desired endpoint of emotional equanimity, perhaps I will never achieve a mirror-like purity of the mind that is capable of reflecting the world as it really is, without distortion by a corrupted mind."
Kilroy J. Oldster
-
You grabbed his phone from him and looked through his search history.
Drayke: give it back!
Y/n: No!
You saw purchases for blades and other things. Searches on painless ways to die. Tears filled your eyes and fell onto the phone. There were so many it began to go blurry.
Y/n: WHAT THE HELL!!
You stood up and threw his phone back at him. You could feel the tears rolls down your neck and see them fall on the floor.
Drayke: IM SORRY OK!!
Y/n: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!?!WHY IS THAT ON YOUR PHONE!?!?
Drayke: Just forget it it doesn't matter...
Chase: ok calm down...
Chase stood up and you put your hand out.
Y/n: let me see your arms.
Drayke: stop... this is killing you.
Y/n: let me see!!!
You pushed him on the couch and sat on his lap. He tried to pull you off but you grabbed his arms. You rolled up his sleeve and a wave of tears fell out your eyes.
Drayke: I told you not to look...
You let you and wrapped your arms around him. You hugged him with everything you had. He wrapped his arms around your waist and dug his head into your shoulder.
Y/n: I don't care if you don't want to tell me but don't do this...
Chase: drayke don't do this you know it's hurting you.
Chase came and sat on the couch arm next to you guys.
Payton: never ever think that we won't care we care about you more than some people who we've known for a while dude.
He let go of you and had you sitting on his lap. You just kept staring at his arm for almost ten minutes.
Drayke: don't do that to yourself.
He pulled your face away and rolled his sleeve down. You wrapped your arms around his neck and layed your head down.
You wiped your face and got up.
Y/n: it's 12:30 we should get ready. You put your shoes on and grabbed your bag. Everybody else got there stuff and you guys made your way to chases car. You sat in the back by the window and drayke sat next to you. You looked out the window and he put his head on your shoulder.
Y/n: Payton I think I'm going to stay at my place for the next two weeks.
Payton: oh ok
Chase: ok what happened between you two ever since he pulled you into the hall you guys haven't talked or kissed or *gasp 😂* oh my god!
Y/n: chase shut up.
Chase: they broke up!
Payton: can you shut up chase. Simple words you never understand.
Payton looked out the window and you pulled out your phone. You texted Cody and he replied almost instantly.
-

Do you have any plans later: y/n🦋💕

Cody💜✌️: no why

Do you wanna come with us: y/n🦋💕.  to the carnival?

Cody💜✌️: sure what time

Around 7:y/n🦋💕

Cody💜✌️: ok your place or Payton's?

Mine I'm leaving His today: y/n🦋💕

Cody💜✌️: oh
Read 12:57 pm

-
Drayke fell asleep on your shoulder and you grabbed his hand. He wasn't fully asleep because he intertwined your fingers. You wound up falling asleep too.
-
When you got to Payton's you went upstairs and got your stuff together. Payton came up to to help. You found one of his hoodies mixed in with your stuff.
Y/n: what do you want me to do with this?
You help up the hoodie and he put it in your bag.
Payton: keep it.
He smiled and so did you. You guys finished in a few minutes and brought everything to chases car. You put it in the trunk and got in. You and drayke wound up falling asleep on the ride to your place again.
-
When you got home chase helped you bring your stuff upstairs and Payton helped dray.
Y/n: the guest bedroom is next to mine if you want it if not you can put your bags in my closet.
Drayke: ok.
He put them in the guest bedroom and came into yours. Payton and chase left and were at chases. Drayke noticed them in chases room.
Drayke: you and chase can see into each other's room?
Y/n: yeah.
Drayke: creepy.
You got up and opened the window. You played some music and you and drayke started dancing.
Chase: OK I SEE YOU!
You guys started laughing and you closed your curtains. You and dray started dancing again. You tripped on a shoe and fell on top of dray.